No Matter What- Peter Parker

Chapter 9

            It was now November and I was finally getting into a good routine. I'm happy to say I actually made friends: MJ, Ned, and Peter. I had most of my classes with at least one of them, and we sat together everyday for lunch. I sat next to Peter, while MJ sat across from me and Ned next to her across from Peter. The learning wasn't ideal because we were still learning material from the first half of the school year before The Blip; I was just anxious to start learning new stuff in AP Chemistry.

While I got closer with the group, I could feel myself opening up little by little. It honestly shocked me and quite frankly scared me a little. I thought I was just going to quietly finish my years of high school to hopefully catch up with my old friends once I hit college. I tried reaching out to them in the beginning, but they all would blow me off with stupid excuses, probably because they didn't want to hang out with a kid still in high school. The ones that hurt the most were Emily and Jared. I know they were probably just sparing me from seeing them together, but the least they could do is not pretend like I wasn't a big part of their lives at one point, like they were in mine.

Whatever, I just needed to move on like them and stop dwelling on the past. I had a good new group of friends that quite frankly I felt like I could be more myself with. With my old friends I realized I was putting on a façade to fit in, and eventually it made me think that was who I was as a person. I'm starting to realize that wasn't me, and I want to start working on figuring out who I really am.

Peter and I seemed to have gotten really close over the last couple of months. I don't know if it's because we're lab partners, but I didn't mind it. We texted almost every day, whether it was about chemistry or something else. It was nice having someone to constantly talk to.

While I can feel myself starting to open up, I'm holding back. I'm still having frequent panic attacks that I hide from my friends. With the expectations seeming to be even higher from my parents and everyone at school seeming to expect me to go back to being the "it" girl, it can all be really overwhelming. I mean I spent the last 5 years as nothing, and now it feels like everyone is breathing down my neck expecting me to be that person that I no longer am.

It's just a lot.

I want to at least tell Peter; he's starting to notice since I've had to leave class a couple of times because I felt a panic attack coming. I just don't want him to see me as this broken person that needs to be taken care of. I need to be able to get over this myself if I'm ever going to make a positive change. So for now I just stay quiet; I don't know if I'll ever be ready enough to tell him.

We had just gotten out of school, excited to get a couple days off for Thanksgiving Break. Ned had plans with his family tonight and MJ was heading to New Jersey to spend the Holiday with her extended family, so it was just me and Peter this Friday evening. We decided to head to Delmar's before going to Central Park and walk around.

I heard the bell chime as we entered the store. "Hey Mr. Delmar," we both said cheerily as we headed to the counter. "Hey Mr. Parker, y/n," he returned as he leaned on the counter towards us, "Parker I'm guessing you'll get a number 5?"

Peter responded, "Yeah and can I get that with pickles and can you smoosh it down real flat. Y/n do you want anything?" He looked at me and waited for my answer. I looked towards Mr. Delmar and said, "I'll take the same thing without pickles please." He smiled at us and prepared our order.

Once we paid for our sandwiches, we took the subway towards Central Park. It was cool outside now, and the wind was making the air feel brisk. We walked around and talked about our Thanksgiving plans and how we think the rest of the school year is gonna go. Peter had the same feelings as me, excited to learn new content when we come back for the new semester after Christmas Break.