No Matter What- Peter Parker

Chapter 14

I paced back and forth in my room as I watched the city lights twinkle and dance outside my window. It was about 11pm and my parents had just gone to bed. I texted Peter to come over, telling him the best way was to climb up the fire escape. I anxiously waited for him, rehearsing over and over in my head what I was going to say. None of it seemed to properly sum up why I'm hiding this from him.

I jumped when I heard a small knock on my window. I walked over to it as I unlocked it and pushed it open to see Peter's face. I grabbed his hand and helped him over my desk to stand on the ground. He looked at around, considering this was his first time in my room.

I loved my room. It had a soft pink and white theme and was pretty big since I was the only child. My king size bed was pushed against the wall to be the center of the room. It was covered with white bedding and a ton of white and pink decorative pillows. There are matching white wooden nightstands on either side of the bed, each housing matching gold lamps. At the end of the bed there's a grey cushioned bench with a white fluffy rug underneath. Against my window are light pink flowy curtains that surround my desk that's littered with my makeup and a lamp. On the opposite wall is my walk in closet, and next to that a large white dresser that holds my jewelry and extra clothes. On the wall opposite of my bed, a TV was mounted on the light pink walls, tying the whole room together. My bathroom was attached to my room also, making the space my own little domain.

After admiring my room, he looked at me with an amused look. "Damn y/l/n, you never mentioned how massive your room was." I blushed and looked down. I didn't like flaunting how much money my family had. I honestly think it's why my old friends liked me so much. His amused gaze quickly turned to a concerned one; I started feeling nervous knowing we had to eventually have this conversation.

I took a deep breath and looked at him, instantly forgetting everything I had been rehearsing to say when I looked into his eyes. Damn those brown eyes. I reluctantly took his hand as I led him to the bench at the end of my bed and sat us down. I tried letting go but he held it tighter, starting to rub circles on my palm. I started to feel relaxed.

Taking a deep breath, I finally got the courage to look at him again. Here goes nothing. "Everything started after everyone came back....."

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I told him everything. From when my panic attacks first started, to the one that MJ had helped me through, the one Spiderman had to help me with, everything leading up to this moment. I held nothing back, feeling better with every action and emotion I had felt in the past few months. 

I explained to him why I think I was having the attacks; I've been masking my true feelings about everything. I put on an act everyday when I wake up because I feel like I'm being selfish for still struggling to adjust to the new reality. No one seems to dwell on The Blip anymore, so instead of accepting and working through my feelings, I just hide them and pretend everything is fine. Seems like the more I've been doing this, the worse they get, and the unhappier I am.

I took a deep breath once I finished, feeling a huge weight lift off my chest. Finally, I told Peter everything I had been hiding. He never let go of my hand, almost like he knew how much comfort it gave me. He stared at me intently during my story, never breaking eye contact and giving me his full attention.

"I'm sorry I kept this from you for so long. I thought I could deal with it myself, but clearly I wasn't hiding it as well as I thought," I slightly chuckled as I finished. Peter looked down, suddenly averting my gaze. "Did you...did you not trust me enough to tell me?" he asked, hesitantly. I gasped, not realizing how much this affected Peter knowing I hid so much from him.