02/25/2025
I'm just feeling everything all at once. I really miss you.
I've been thinking about you again ever since I saw your IG post with your girlfriend a few days ago.
I saw it on the way to work, it definitely stopped me in my tracks a bit, but ultimately I moved past it. At the time I didn't think much of it, but I guess I did, because you haven't left my mind.
All day at work that day I thought about the post, I thought about how you never posted me like that. I guess maybe it's because you knew the relationship was gonna end, so why bother?
I thought about how lucky she is, how she gets to be with a man who loves hard. Who dedicates all his time into making her feel seen and happy.
Last night before bed I saw the 2025 Bluesfest line-up. I saw G-Eazy was gonna perform and for a second I thought about going, just to hearTumblr Girls live, and think about us.
Around 9am I woke up and checked my phone, still half asleep. I saw messages between my friends talking about Bluesfest, and how they wanted to buy passes for each day, except G-Eazy (because of the Halsey drama). I fell back asleep shortly after.
With all of this circling around in my tired head, I dreamt of you. I dreamt you and I met up again before Bluesfest, we were in the car together, just driving around when you mentioned how it all seemed so familiar. You mentioned it was like a movie repeating, and I mentioned how the feelings were just the same. Picking up where we left off once again.
Only this time, you had a girlfriend, so we didn't do anything over the line. I remember you bought the Bluesfest pass for me, and we were standing in line. I started to sing the lyrics of White Linen, and it's like this light in your eyes lit up, remembering how we used to be. For some reason, in this dream we both thought G-Eazy was the one who sang White Linen, lol.
Nothing in this dream made sense, ultimately the reason for all this is that this dream felt so real to me. It has been so long since I had a dream of us, where it really felt like you were there with me, and I felt whole again. I was happy, I was laughing, my stomach twisted every time you were near me. It just really made me miss you, and how I felt around you.
There's nothing much left to write about anymore, I can never do a good job at executing how these dreams make me feel, I'm just rambling.
I thought about how young we were when we dated. I still had so many annoying little mannerisms and had no idea what love really was.
It's been 6 years now, and it still haunts me knowing my life will never feel good enough without you. I don't want to feel this way anymore, it really isn't by choice. I think maybe it's your eyes, and your dimples, maybe it's the way you'd silently stare into my eyes and I'd melt like butter.
I don't know.
It's in times like these where it's hard to separate dream-state from reality. As I get ready to start my day, all I can think about is us, and how we were just moments ago in my dream. How it all felt and how it used to be. Then I have to take a second to realize none of it is real. You are somewhere else entirely, with something new. I am here, in my own world, with my own people.
We haven't spoke in years, yet you just spoke to me in another state of mind moments ago. It's time for me to wake up.
