Easily broken

9|| Grammy

Payton

"Are you free friday night?"

What the hell? Why is Matthew asking if i'm free. There is no way in hell i'm going on a date with him. "why?" I asked him skeptically

"Relax it's not a date. I just wanna hangout.. you know.. like friends do" He said it with one of those gorgeous smiles only some guys have. I'm not gonna lie hanging out with Matthew doesn't seem horrible. I mean let's face it we used to be like best friends. I just can't risk him getting close. I've never been so happy that I hide my face. It would be so embarrassing for him to see my face bright red. It's not from blushing it's from the nauseating feeling that he won't give up.

"We're friends?" I know. It's a shitty thing to say but I have to keep him away. He can't want me. It's gotta be a fluke. He'll eventually give up and i'll be alone again

"Actually yes, we are. I don't think you think that but I certainly do" It's like he knows exactly what to say to make a girl swoon over him. Except i've been resenting men since freshman year so i'm pretty good at stopping the swoon.

"That's funny" I say kinda bitterly

"What's funny?" This dude can't take a hint I guess

"The fact you consider us friends. I don't remember having a conversation long enough to be considered friends." I mean that part is technically true. No matter how hard he tried I would always shoot him down. It's been a few weeks and he hasn't given up which if i'm being honest surprises me. Everyday he walks to this table I'm surprised. His friends come along too but they mostly talk to Ava because like I said, I shoot down any conversation that comes my way.

"Okay.. so maybe it's a one sided friendship but Payton come on. Just hang out with me on Friday. It is completely innocent and won't be considered a date. It is purely platonic and nothing more." I mean it can't hurt to go out right? I mean he will just keep trying. And maybe if I say yes he'll leave me alone after because he'll realize i'm not what he wants or what he even imagines i'm like.

A lot of people just assume i'm quiet and don't say anything. Others think i'm secretly the loudest person ever and just hate everyone in this school, which is true. I guess both sides of the argument are true in a way. I'm quiet at school and don't say anything but when I'm with Ava, I can be the loudest person ever. It's all dependent on the vibe the person is giving off. With Ava she always gives off a good vibe so i'm comfortable around her. There's no reason to stay quiet.

"Fine. But the second you try something, you're dead and i'm leaving. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am" He does a salute and I have to bite my tongue to stop from laughing.

The rest of the people at the table, who I forgot existed, suddenly burst out in a fit of laughter. I look up through my hoodie and see Jesse with his head tilted back and he's laughing. Like really hard. I move my eyes and Logan, Reese and Blake are doing the same. I can't keep my eyes off Jesse though. Like I said he was the second person I was really close too. He was the last person who tried talking to me before he took the hint and left me alone. These friends were the most painful goodbyes I had to give.

As I watch everyone at the table laughing with each other I suddenly miss that feeling. I miss having friends to laugh with. Friends to talk with. Friends to just do things with. Now before you get too ahead of yourselves, no that doesn't mean i'm letting them all back in. They definitely need to work for it because I have hella trust issues. If my parents can't even love each other why would anyone even love me as a friend. I'm just as fucked up as my parents.

I can feel Matthew's eyes on me. I know he's trying really hard but I can't just welcome him back with open arms. My mom did that and now my parents fight. All the time. I can't make the same mistake as my mom. I won't allow myself to be put in that position. I'm going to be smarter than my mom, I'm gonna be careful.

The rest of the lunch I can't stop thinking about why he would want to hang out with me. I mean I kinda ditched him, you know? I want to know why he's trying so damn hard to get through to me. I am not that fucking important. He would live a much happier life if he would just give up on me.

The lunch bell rang and I was snapped out of my daze. I still don't know how to feel about Matthew and his motives. I don't know his thoughts and it's aggravating me. I want to know what he is thinking. I want to know how careful I need to be. Instead I have absolutely nothing to go off of. Meaning I have to go fully guarded. No information about my life is to be shared on Friday night. Absolutely nothing.

Things like this never really happen. When they do I usually can talk to Ava but she's been rooting for Matthew. I have absolutely no one to talk too. Except my grandma. My grandma is the only decent human being in my family. I love her with all of my heart and she actually understands me. She is extremely disappointed in her daughter for how she treats me but doesn't mention it to her. She's only told me. Grammy knows everything that happens. It's been a while since I reached out to her. I realize I haven't really talked to her since school started.

I get home and lock myself in my room, pulling out my laptop and pulling up FaceTime. It's time I finally call my grandma and get some advice. I hit the call button and it rings about 2 times before she picks up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Grammy"

"Payton! Hi honey how are you?"

"I'm okay how are you?"

"I'm great now that you called. How's school going? Any boy you're interested in? Any boy interested in you?" She smiles as she says that. She knows what she is doing

"No Grammy. I still don't talk to people. They don't even get to see my face." When I FaceTime Grammy I take my hood off. She never liked that I covered my face. She loved my face and not because it looked like her daughter. She told me she honestly didn't see a huge resemblance. Of course I don't believe her and wear it anyway.

"Payton! Why?! You have such a gorgeous face. Guys would be alll over you." Why does she care so much? Has Ava reached out to her?

"Grammy, you know I don't care about that."

"Yes yes I know baby but you should consider it more thoroughly. People would love to see that face again."

"Anyway, Grammy I need advice... Basically this guy Matthew is trying so hard to be my friend. He was my friend in middle school and we were pretty close, but when I started pushing people away he forgot about me. One day a few weeks ago we bumped into each other and now he wants to be friends again. He even asked to hangout on Friday. I don't know what to do."

"It's very obvious, honey. He likes you and if he doesn't romantically like you, then he never forgot about you. He probably just gave you the desired space you wanted. Don't always assume the worst because you never know." I never even thought about it like that. I never assumed that the people would just give me the space i'm asking for out of respect.

"Thanks Grammy. You're right. I didn't even think that people considered my feelings and didn't forget about me. They just wanted to give me what I wanted." Of course I don't know if it's true so I don't know if I totally believe it but it is a possibility.

"You need to start thinking positive, honey. Not everyone wants to hurt you." I know she didn't mean that in a harsh way but the way my brain processed those words hit me like a truck. I felt guilty for thinking like that but hurt because people do hurt me and a lot of times it's on purpose.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I should probably go to bed. I'm glad we talked. I missed you so much. Sleep well, Love you."

"Love you too, sweetie. Sleep well!"

Then I hung up. I didn't really want to sleep. I wanted to think and I couldn't with her staring back at me. Is it possible i've been going through these years pushing people away because I thought they would all hurt me? I know I did it to protect myself but now that someone has said it like that, I feel stupid. I know not everyone will hurt me, but I don't think that's the only reason I pushed people away. I wanted to protect them, from me

______

HEY SHAWTIES!!!

I introduced her grandma because she needs more people to talk to. So there's another person. Don't forget to vote and comment!