Easily broken

18 || The park

Payton

Matthew's guest bed is sooo comfortable, I literally fell asleep almost immediately last night. The pillow dips in and holds my head in a perfect way, and my body sinks into the mattress like it was made for me.

It takes about 5 seconds before I remember why i'm on Matthew's guest bed. My mother is in the hospital and the chances of her survival are so slim. I hate that she gets to have a reaction for this. She wasn't there for me so why am I breaking like she was.

I've been awake for 2 minutes and i'm already crying. Why can't I catch a fucking break? All I want is for these dumb feelings to go away. I don't need them right now.

I hear a soft knock on the other end of the door and a quiet "Payton?"

Matthew.

I swiftly wipe the tears away and clear my throat so he doesn't know that I was crying. "Yeah?"

"Can I open the door?" I don't think i've heard that one before. People usually say "Can I come in?" I don't usually hear "Can I open the door?"

"It's your house" He slowly and quietly opens the door and peeks his head in the room.

"My mom wanted me to let you know that there is breakfast downstairs if you want it." When he zeroes in on my face, he seems to see something. "Are you okay?" So much for wiping my tears.

"Yeah, Yeah, I'm fine." I try my best to smile but all I feel is the tears coming back to my eyes. In less than a second Matthew is next to me on the bed and his arms are around me. I go into my second round of tears as he holds me.

"Hey.. hey.. i'm here" Those words only make me cry harder. I've never cried on someone's shoulder. I was always pushed to the side and disregarded. I start picking at my skin to try to slow my breathing, an anxious habit I picked up a little bit ago. "Hey. Look at me." He grabs my face and makes me look at him. "Breathe" I take a deep breath in and push my skin even harder.

Matthew sees it and he takes me hand. "Don't do that. You'll hurt yourself." I take another deep breath and just stare at him. We hold eye contact as I breathe.

We're so close right now that if I leaned over we'd be kissing. It scares me how that doesn't repulse me. He breaks eye contact first and gets off the bed. I've calmed down a little and the tears have basically stopped. "If you need anything let me know. Okay?"

I nod my head and say "Okay"

Matthew walks out of the room and I just stay still. Why do I wish we kissed?

***

I basically stay in the room all day. I was wayyy to nervous to see Matthew after this morning. Nothing can happen there. Ever.

Around 3 I hear another knock and I tell them to come in. "Hey" A little girl just walked into my room.

"Hey?"

"I'm Emily" She extended her hand for me to shake it. I return the gesture. "I'm 4" She said will a huge grin and then started laughing

"Hi, Emily. I'm Payton" I smile and say "I'm 17"

"Woah! That's like.. old!" She yells and again starts laughing like she's the funniest person in the world.

"Hey! It's not that old! Your brother is older."

"No way! Matti isn't old!" The way she's defending him is the cutest thing ever

"Then i'm not old!" I shake my head while smiling at her

"Fine. You're not old." She reluctantly agrees with me after she realizes Matthew is older. It's the cutest thing ever. "You should come to the park with me and Matti!" Oh no

"Oh.. I can't"

"Whaaaaat! Pweeeaaassseeeee!! It would be soooo muchhhh funnnn!!" She draws out each word to add dramatic effect and it's hard to say no.

"Okay.. Okay... Fine. I'll go. When are we going?"

"Right now!" She grabs my hand and giggles all the way downstairs. Matti gives Emily a questioning look and then he looks at me. "Matti! Guess whatttt!!"

"What?" He has an amused look in his eye as he squats down to he eye level with his little sister.

"I got Pay to come to the park with us!" He smiles at her and says "Good job Emi" and gives her a high five.

"So.. you're okay with me tagging along?" I ask to make sure he's okay with it.

"Yeah" He says with a shrug. He's acting like we didn't almost kiss this morning! How is he so freaking good at acting like it didn't happen. It's all I can think about and Matthew is over here like he didn't even notice. Which I know for a fact he did because his face earlier. He wanted it to happen too, I think.

We head out the front door and start walking down the street. They live about 10 minutes in walking distance from the park so we got there rather quickly. The second we got there Emily ran off and started climbing the stairs to the slide. As she was sliding down she screamed "Weeeee!!" and Matthew and I started laughing.

Emily runs up to us and grabs my hand "Pay come onnnn" I follow her and let her pull me. She lead me to the swings and said "Push me. Pwease!" I laugh and help her onto the swing. When she's on the seat and comfortable I start lightly pushing her.

Every time I push she laughs hysterically like I just told her the most funny joke ever. "Matti!" She screams over to him "Get off your phone and come over here!" Matthew looked up and smiled at her. He turned his phone off and started making his way over here.

"Who put you in charge?"

"I did." She said with a straight face before laughing at her own joke. Her laugh is so contagious that I start laughing too. He gives me an unimpressed look and then goes for Emily.

She immediately jumps off the swing and runs for her life. I watch Matthew chase his little sister around the park, hearing an occasional "I'm gonna get you!" and a "Nuh uhhh"

Watching him play with his sister was so adorable. He was like a completely different person with her. It's like he doesn't have to hide who he is with her. She loves him for the real him.