Payton
It's just another Saturday. Another shit day. Another day I get to hate myself for everything I do. Yesterday was fun and all and I wish I could bring that to today but the truth is I can't. I can have fun but it never lasts. Eventually I will wake up and i'll be in my shit reality again.
I can't even make it to the kitchen before I hear my parents arguing. They don't even try to be quiet. Most times i'm brought into it just because they know it hurts me. They drain me. I never feel like myself in this place that's supposed to be my home. I never feel like I belong. I never feel like I should be here. They do a fucking bad job at parenting.
As I get my food out of the cabinet I try to ignore them. I try to think of last night and how I had fun with Matti. How my hood fell off but somehow I don't care.
It's crazy to think that a year ago I would have laughed in your face if you told me what had happened last night. Not just my hood falling off but the fact that I went out with someone. I had fun with someone else. A year ago I would have found that utterly hilarious.
I make myself a sandwich and completely drown out my parents fighting for the first time in years. All I had to do was think about Matthew and ever thing else seemed to be a background noise. A subtle buzz in the distance that you can't really hear.
When I come back to reality I have somehow ended up in my room, my sandwich in hand. I take a bite of my delicious sandwich and switch on my tv to watch a show. I scroll through Netflix for a solid 30 minutes before I give up and just stare at the ceiling.
I can't seem to focus on anything else but last night. I can't watch a show, read a book, do homework, text people. Matthew has filled every spot in my brain and I can't wash them out.
After a little while of just sitting in the darkness, I hear a loud crash come from downstairs. Glass is breaking and I hear screams. I am suddenly frightened and all the happiness from last night completely vanishes.
I run down the stairs to see what happened. I see a broken vase and my dad on top on my mom. He looks like he is about to go in for another punch but I push him off of her. I may hate my mother but I will never stand around and watch her be abused.
"Get off of her!" I yell
He pushes me off of him and goes for me next. I instinctively guard my face and block his hit. I'm so over this shit. I'm tired of being in a house with parents who can't handle living together. With parents who can't parent.
"Don't interfere with me Payton. Have you never heard of leaving the adults alone?" He says in a cold tone
"Dont fucking talk to me." I spit back at him
"Don't try me. I will slap you like I slapped your mother. Your fake confidence doesn't fool me. You're a fucking coward." He says
I can feel the tears prickling at the back of my eyes. Not because what he said hurt. I could care less what that motherfucker thinks of me. I want to cry at the fact that he's right. I am a coward. I let my mother be abused for years until I understood what was really going on and at that point I couldn't do anything. My efforts did nothing for me and I ended up just staying in my room.
I don't know what came over me today that made me jump at him but I wish I didn't. My parents need to handle it, not me. I can't do anything anyway.
"Go to your room and leave me and your mother alone."
I don't even bother saying anything else. I just turn around and head to my room.
"God, why did you have to have a fucking baby?" I hear my father mutter to my mother who is sprawled in the floor. Tears falling down her cheeks. Why did you mom? If I wasn't here you'd be happy.
***
The next morning I wake up with a headache. I had a sudden urge to just die when I woke up. I reluctantly get out of my bed and get dressed. I don't know where I'm going but I can't stay here. I need out.
I get in my car and just start driving. I drive for a solid 15 minutes before I find myself parked outside of Matthew's house. I get out of my car and walk up to the front door. Please don't be home.
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HOW DID WE LIKE THIS CHAPTERRR??
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Easily broken
RomanceEver since middle school Payton White has been basically invisible to everyone and she likes it that way. That is until someone bumps into her and tries to get Payton to stop hiding. Will she resist? Will it work? Will it be enough?
