Easily broken

26|| Burn the hoodie.

Matti

It's been a few days since the bar incident and I haven't really left Payton's side since. She has gone back to wearing her hoodie more. It used to be that at my house she always had it off, but it's gotten to the point where even when we're alone her hoodie is on her head.

I don't really know what to do in this situation. I want to be a good boyfriend and just be there, but another part of me wants to rip the hood off her head and scream that she's so much more beautiful without it.

I can't get her out of my head and it's severely effecting my school performance. My teammates are telling me to focus. My teachers are getting upset that I can't answer their questions.

I'm just so worried about Payton. In some way she's having a relapse. She was doing so well with getting to like herself. She would walk around my house without a hoodie and show her face. She can't even do that now and it's all because of her dad.

When I walked into that house and saw his hands around her throat I didn't know what to do. I have never fought a grown man before, but I couldn't just let him kill Payton so I jumped at him. I wanted to murder him for even trying to hurt her. I wanted to end his life right then and there. Someone like him does not deserve to live.

The thing that is sticking with me is that I almost didn't go in the house. She told me to stay outside unless I heard screaming, but she was taking a little longer than I felt comfortable with leaving her alone with her dad. And i'm so glad I didn't listen to her. She could have died and I would have blamed myself for letting it happen.

"Hey, you okay?" Payton has entered the room and made her way over to me

"Hey, yeah yeah i'm okay" I tried to give a reassuring smile but I was just thinking about how her dad should die so i don't think it was convincing.

She came over to sit by me and put her head on my shoulder. "It's not that big of a deal, matti"

"What?"

"What happened at my house. It wasn't that big of a deal." I pull away from her so I can  face her

"You're joking right?" She shakes her head "Payton, that was a big deal! You could have died!"

"But I didn't."

I point to her hoodie "Then what's the deal with this?"

"Nothing."

"Payton, it may just be me but i'm pretty sure it was a big deal to you because you went back to the hoodie." I retort

"I did go back to the hoodie but that doesn't make what happened a big deal!" she's raising her voice at me now

"Then burn it."

"What?"

"If it wasn't a big deal, burn the hoodie."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because that hoodie is what's holding on to your old life. The life where you hid from your parents. The life where you weren't yourself."

"Matti, I can't burn this hoodie"

"Why not?"

"I've had it since I was like 14"

"It's holding you back. You won't move on till the hoodie is gone."

"Maybe I don't want to move." She goes to stand up

"Bullshit." She turns back around and looks at me like i'm insane "You're using excuses. I know you want to move on. Burn the hoodie."

"Fuck you Matti. I'm not making excuses. I'm sorry that I want to keep my hoodie."

"Why do you want to keep it? You know i'm right about the moving on. No one wants to stay in the same spot. That hoodie is keeping you in the same spot. I'm so tired of keeping my mouth shut and letting you stay back! It's okay to be sad, but it's not okay to let it hold you back from becoming better!"

"It's not your life." She went to turn back around and leave

"But with that hoodie, it isn't yours either." then she walked out.

I'm an idiot but I don't regret saying any of that. She needs to let go of that damn hoodie. It's what's keeping her in the same spot.

****

She hasn't come out of the room. She's locked herself in the guest room and hasn't come out since our conversation. I'm nervous to go get her for dinner because I don't think she wants to see me right now.

I walk up the stairs and very slowly walk up to the door. I knock lightly "Payton?"

"What" I hear her sniffle

"Dinner's ready."

"I'm not hungry."

"Payton, come on"

"I said i'm not hungry"

"Can I come in, please?"

"Whatever" I slowly open the door and see her laying in the fetal position in the middle of the bed. "What do you want."

"Payton.. I didn't mean for what I said to hurt you. I just want you to move on from them."

"They're my parents. I can't 'move on' from them. They'll always be there."

"It doesn't matter if they're your parents. You can't hold on to them forever, baby. They aren't worth your time anymore" I carefully sit on the bed next to her "come here"

She slowly sits up and moves over to me. I hold onto her  as tightly as I can. "I can't do it" she starts crying again but I just hold her.

"You have people who will help you. You have Ava and me and the boys. We all just want to see you happy again."

She cries for a while and I stay with her the whole time. "I don't know how to ask for any of you guys help"

"Just say the words"

"Matti?"

"Yes?"

"I need help."