Easily broken

10|| Bowling

Matthew

I was currently getting ready for the hangout with Payton. I've been hyping myself up about it all week. I can't believe she said yes. I totally expected a no. Anyways, my plan for tonight is to basically share things about me and let her know I trust her with the information just like Ava told me too. Fingers crossed it actually works. I don't know exactly how these things are going to come up but i'll have to figure that out later.

She won't be intrigued or anything but at-least she'll know. I'm not planning on spilling my whole life story because that's stupid but I will tell her about my football life and how I lived those few years without her. I'm not gonna make her feel bad because that would be a shitty thing to do but I will catch her up on what has happened. I'll probably leave out the part about me sleeping around and having a few "girlfriends" back in sophomore year because that's not important. I'm different now. And let's face it, everyone goes through a hoe phase. It's just a part of middle/high school.

As i'm leaving my house I realize we never determined if I was picking her up or not. I try to go through all our conversations and remember but we don't have many. I'm drawing a blank at this point and go to text her. Then I realize I don't have her number. As you can see this is very anticlimactic. I would just pick her up but to add to this situation.. I don't know where she lives. Processing all of this information is very hard for my brain because I am at a loss of what to do. Assuming she's realized this too she is probably getting a ride or driving herself there. I can't believe I screwed up my plan so bad already. I'm so punching the air right now.

I pull up to our agreed destination. At least we went over that bit of information. We chose to go to an arcade that also has bowling. It seemed like a very friendly place. Of course dates happen there but it seemed more of a place friends go to hangout. When I walked into the building I see Payton waiting for me. She stood out because she wears that damn hoodie all the time. I want to know the story behind that but Ava specifically told me not to ask about that.

I walk up to her and she jumps a bit. When she jumped this feeling jolted inside of me. I was.. upset? Maybe, I don't know what feeling that was but it was close enough to being upset. I hate that she jumps at the sound of voices coming out of no where. Especially when she's expecting someone. I wish I could help her. Be there for her in times of need. I wish I could know the whole story and instead of shaming her help her through it. She shouldn't have to go through this alone.

"Hey..." She says back after she jumped. I was hoping this wouldn't be awkward but it totally is. We started walking up to the counter to get the bowling shoes and pick a lane. Not very many people are here so we pick the one farthest from people. While she is putting her shoes on I go up to the ipad thingy and put our names on the TV. As she's finishing putting her shoes on I sit down to do the same. There's awkward silence between us and I don't know what to do or what to say.

"So... How was school?"

"Boring I guess"

"Yeah... Okay so jumping right into this I guess. I invited you out today so you could get to know me... Maybe even trust me a little. I'm not asking you to share your story or anything. It's a night for me to tell you about me. That sound okay?" She kinda just sat there but the way her head looked I think she was staring at me.

"Cool" Is all she said. Cool. I put her name first so she went up and bowled. She got a strike and sat back down like she didn't just hit all 10 pins down her first try.

"Okay.. So what do you want to know?" I don't know what she wants to know or how to start this so I need her to give me something. I don't need a vague answer. I just want her to ask me questions so this is less awkward.

"Why am I here?" Damn. She doesn't waste time. I don't know how to explain this to her. It's this whole complicated thing with my brain. It works a weird way and sometimes I don't even know how to interpret it.

"Well, um" I cleared my throat trying to figure out how to say this. "I told you.. I want you to get to know me" She nods her head like she's in an understanding but I have a feeling that's not going to suffice.

"Okay and why do you want me to know you? I mean it's just the last 3 years you didn't seem interested in that." She's going to make this difficult for me.

"You don't know that." I suddenly feel very defensive over this. I mean she has no right to spring that on me when she is the one that left. I'll never say that to her face but it's what I think. It's unfair. "You have no idea if I was interested or not. It's hard to just go up to someone who was so keen on letting you go." I said it before I could stop myself. I mean it was true and wasn't worded super rudely but it probably still hurt to hear it.

"I had my reasons for that. You can be mad but that doesn't change anything, Matthew. And if you're just gonna try to shame me for that go ahead but remember i'm not the one who invited you out. I don't have to stay." I forget that she wouldn't care if I just walked away. She would do it first.

"I'm not trying to shame you for anything. I know you had your reasons but I don't think you should be saying I wasn't interested because you don't know." I was interested for a while but yes, eventually I gave up. I mean she can't expect people to chase her for 3 years. Can she? I mean she can wish for it but there is no way she believed it would happen.

"Okay. Just talk about yourself I don't know Matthew. I don't usually get buddy buddy with people so I haven't practiced any deep conversations." At this point we aren't even bowling but i'd rather talk to her anyway.

"Well for starters, I've changed since you last knew me. I mean I don't remember how you saw me but I know i'm not the same as I was in 8th grade. I became I football player and got more popularity than I thought I would. I got some scholarships and stuff. Um went through some things at home. Anything else you wanna know?"

"You went through things at home?" I don't want to tell her but maybe if I tell her she'll tell me a bit about hers.

"Yeah, my parents fought for a year or so. Went to some counseling and they're better now but I went through depression from freshman year to junior year until my parents finally got me into therapy halfway through. I definitely still have side effects of that but i'm better now. My friends found out and did everything they could to help me and all that." I've never really told anybody that before. I always felt too vulnerable sharing that part of my life. I wish Payton would share so I don't feel like an idiot.

"I understand. I basically went through the same thing..."

________

Will she tell him?