His Sunflower

Chapter 40

"Zoey, the phone's for you." Uncle Noah says holding out the landline to me.

"I'm not talking to dad. He and mom both kept secrets from me. I'm not talking to them." I say, already knowing it's dad. He's called every single day I've been with Uncle Noah.

"Zoey, he just wants to wish you a happy birthday." Uncle Noah sighs.

"I don't care. I'm not going back." I say. "Dad stop calling, I'll come back when I want to." I say loud enough for him to hear.

I can't be around people who lie to me my whole life. I know uncle Noah, along with everyone else, knew I'm from a rape, but it wasn't his thing to tell. That was all on my parents, who kept that little detail of information from me for 17 years.

If they can lie to me for that long, I'm sure they'll be fine with me staying at a different home for a bit. I know I'm being petty, but I don't care.

I should've been aborted. There's no point in me being here. Noah didn't keep secrets from me when he explained it all. He said mom tried killing herself when she was pregnant with me. I know I'm not originally wanted, hell I don't feel particularly wanted right now, but uncle Noah told me how the second mom saw my ultrasound she fell in love with me.

I don't buy it. I still think I should be dead right now. But it's whatever.

"Zoey, please just talk to him. Even for a minute, Riley's not doing too good. He's scared he's lost you again." Uncle Noah says softly.

I groan taking the phone from his hand. "What?" I ask.

"I just want to wish you a happy 17th birthday Zoe." Dad voice says, cracking at the end.

Shit, of course I have to make dad cry. That's all I seem to do nowadays, make him and mom cry. Another reason I shouldn't be here. All I do is bring them pain. I mean, I made mom not even want to live. The second time she tried killing herself is definitely because of me. She just lied to me.

"You're not ready to come home yet, are you?" Dad asks, and I can just hear him trying not to cry.

"My entire life has been based off lies dad. Everything I've grown up on, is all lies. Imagine living your life, only for you to one day learn something that changes your entire life. Everything is a lie, because you and mom decided to keep secrets from me." I can't even begin to think of how literally everything is a lie. I can't trust anything mom or dad say right now, because all I can think of it how they lied to me. About my entire existence.

"I don't understand how you feel, but I understand you need time. I just wish you could do that here. I don't wanna lose you again sweetheart."

"As much as I don't want to, I still love you and mom, despite the fact you've lied to me my whole life. You won't lose me."

"I'll let you go. Happy birthday baby, I love you." Dad hangs up before I say say anything, and I hand the phone back to uncle Noah snuggling back into the bed, pulling the blanket over my head.

I want to be pissed at mom and dad, but I'm not. Just hurt.

And let's not even acknowledge the fact I broke up with Ethan. I thought about it a lot, and I can't exactly go back and date him yet. I've realized I'm not as mentally ok as I thought I was. Uncle Noah's getting me a therapist, one that's not related to me at all, which I think is a good idea. While grandpa is a good therapist, I'd feel better talking with someone else.

I don't think I can be in a healthy relationship while I'm not in a good mental place. I won't be able to respect myself or be independent. If I let myself become dependent on Ethan, if we break up again, I'd lose myself with him. I need to know I'll be ok on my own, even if I prefer Ethan over no one.

As much as I really like Ethan, even possibly L word him, which I don't want to think of right now, I need to heal myself first. I have to fix things with my parents. Get over the fact I think I shouldn't be here and everyone would be better off without me. I need to fix myself and my family first, then my relationship second.

I have to set priorities. And it's not healthy for me to be at the bottom, I need to be at the top. As selfish as it sounds. That's how you become mentally stable, you put yourself first.

So that's what I'm doing. Or at least trying to do.

*****
Hey tic tacs

To my one tic tac, I'm giving you a chance to guess what's going to happen next chapter. I believe I foreshadowed on the upcoming subject, so if you do your research, you'll have a good chance of winning a point. I'll give you a hint too, the next chapter is about 2 weeks from now, on the first day of the spring semester.

I will be updating anytime from 7-10am EST (Eastern Standard Time)