His Sunflower

Chapter 47

I look in the mirror at my outfit. Perfect. We were supposed to dress the color of the gender babies will be, so I'm decked out in light blue pajama pants, a pale yellow shirt, and a light and pale green jacket.

Ethan said he was going to pick up me up for the gender reveal party, so that's why I'm now brushing out my hair to fill time. He should be here any moment and I'd like to not start panicking. It's just a car ride with my ex, nothing weird at all.

Some people are still friends with their exs. But me and Ethan? Even better. We're acquaintances. No one can top that level of awkwardness in a car ride alone with each other.

I get a text from Ethan saying he's here, so I check my reflection one more time. I'll be fine, hopefully.

I run out of uncle Noah's house, which is empty because he and his family went early to help set up. He and mom will all ways be closer to each other. Just like uncle River and uncle Wyatt. And uncle Chris and grandma. Grandpa and Grandpa D. Just like how I'm closer to dad then anyone else.

I hop in Ethan's car, and immediately try to leave. "This is a bad idea, what was I thinking?! They're going to hate me! Why did I agree to this?! Gosh! I am so stupid! And not to mention Kaylie still hates me for some reason!"

"Sunflower, calm down it's nothing to worry about, I'll be there the whole time. Remember my promise? We can leave whenever you want to." Ethan says, and I don't even care enough to correct the nickname. I'm not technically his sunflower anymore.

"Ok? But is that supposed to make me feel better?! I ditched them Ethan! Left! I cut all ties with them and only dad, mom, and uncle Noah are unblocked! Do you realize how awkward this is going to be?! Oh my gosh why did I ever agree to this?!"

"Zoey, stop overthinking it. Your family's chill. They are just going to be happy you came."

"Again, is that supposed to make me feel better?! I have blocked everyone there but three people! Do you have any idea how much family I have?!"

"No, not reall-"

"A fucking bunch Ethan! That's how many! This is going to be so bad!"

Ethan sighs, leans over, and kisses me, right on the mouth, and I immediately shut up.

Ethan pulls away, and sighs closing his eyes. "Sorry. I- I Uh forgot we weren't, you know, dating. I used to shut up your overthinking by, uh, kissing you..... but that's when we were dating. Sorry." Ethan progressively got quieter until I couldn't hear what he was saying anymore.

"It's fine, Ethan. I forget sometimes too." I mumble. What, am I supposed to get mad at him? He was trying to calm me down like how he used to. I can hardly get mad at him for that, even if he kissed me.

Ethan stays silent the rest of the time, and when he parks the car, he just blankly stares out the windshield.

"Ethan." I say, and Ethan jerks his head to look at me. "Why'd you get so quiet?"

Even in awkward situations Ethan would never go silent on me. There was only one time in our whole time of knowing each other when it happened, and that was the thing. It was only once.

"It doesn't matter. And even if it did, acquaintances don't ask those types of questions." He snaps at me, his mood suddenly changing.

"Ok what is up with you? All week your temper has become shorter and shorter, and you're spacey all the time. I'm worried." Ethan hasn't been exactly like himself since school started.

"It doesn't matter Zoey."

"Maybe not to you, but it does to me. I don't give a fuck if we're stupid acquaintances, I still care about you like I did, it's never changed. Right now, I am concerned about your well-being. It's fine if you don't want to tell me, but I would really appreciate it if you'd spill the beans."

Ethan sighs, slouching in the drivers seat.

"You want to know? You want me to be straightforward and honest about it?" Ethan asks, turning his head to look at me.

"I would. But only if you want to."

Ethan takes a deep breath, looking back out the windshield. "I love you Zoe. Have for a bit now. It didn't become clear to me until I was literally afraid for your life. I honestly thought you were going to kill yourself. I don't think I've ever cried that much a day in my life until that moment. The only way I knew you were even alive was because you'd occasionally pick up someone's phone call, only to block them a few minutes later. It wasn't until I had absolutely no contact with you did I realized I loved you. I couldn't sleep, still can't. Things I used to like, I stop liking. The only thing on my mind was you, and how you went off the grid. If your dad didn't feel pity towards me, I never would've even known who you were staying with. And it physically hurts me having to act like it doesn't bother me a bit. I'm pissed you left like that, but I have no reason to be. That's just me being mad at myself and putting it on you. I constantly forget how we're broken up, and it's a very fun time for me when I remember. For some reason I just can't get it through my thick skull that I love someone who doesn't love me back, and doesn't want to date me anymore."

Ethan takes a deep breath, glances over at me and sighs. I'm probably a sight to see. Jaw dropped, wide eyes, probably some drool from my jaw being dropped for so long.

"You know what? Forget it. Let's just get this over with." Ethan goes to leave the car, but I snap out of my little trance, and grab his arm.

"No, don't leave just yet. Not after you drop that all on me. Give me a sec to process it."

I keep a death grip on Ethan's arm as I quickly process all he just told me. When I finally get it, I sigh.

"Look, I'd like to say I love you too, but I can't. My emotions the past month have been kinda crazy, and I don't want to say I love you too, just for it to turn out I just mixed up my emotions. I have a habit of doing that sometimes. Plus, I don't want you to think I'm saying I love you just because you said it. I want to actually be in love first, and I'm not sure if I am. I still really really like you, and I have a feeling I won't stop for a while. And being realistic, we'll get back together and probably end up married. There's no such thing as opposite gendered friends in this family. A girl and boy are friends? Bam, married. I do however, dislike you being hurt. So compromise. We can be friends with benefits, minus the sex part, but let's not date until stuff with my family is settled. I know it's not fair to you, but having me a mental mess isn't good for a healthy relationship anyway. I still want to date eventually, and for some reason I have this feeling you'd like to date eventually as well. So, what do you say about the compromise?"

"Can I call you sunflower, hold your hand, kiss you?"

"You remember the like week or so before we started dating but kept kissing and stuff?"

Ethan nods.

"Yeah, so like that."

Ethan smiles. "I guess it'll do, for now."

I roll my eyes. "Ok whatever."

We get out of the car, and I exhale deeply. Hopefully I don't regret anything I just did.

I look over to Ethan, eyeing him up and down. "You look good in pink."

*****
Heyo tic tacs:)

For my one tic tac, now is your chance to guess the genders of the babies. I know you have to do a complete random guess for the genders, because I haven't foreshadowed anything or left any clues whatsoever. So if you guess correctly, you will get 2 points. That's right, 2 whole points! I'm feeling generous right now, and it probably won't happen again. So pick wisely. Oh, and only 1 guess.