His Sunflower

Chapter 53| Ethan's POV

I lay out the blanket I always keep in my car, and lay down. Zoey just stands there, giving me a questioning look.

"So you just lay on the ground and stare up at the sky? Seems stupid."

"Have you ever star gazed before?" I ask sitting up.

I swear, if she hasn't she's about to be completely mind blown. There's no light pollution here, so the sky is as visible as possible. And Zoey lives in town, yeah the outskirts but there's still light posts and never darkness. You can't see the stars from where we live.

"No." She mumbles.

"You'll love it."

I grab her hand, and she rolls her eyes laying down next to me.

"Holy shit...." She whispers staring up at the sky. I chuckle softly laying back down, right next to her.

I start rocking my foot back and forth, something I can't really control. My ADHD is pretty chill most the time, and with the meds I was on it was like it didn't even exist, but now that the meds don't work my symptoms are coming back. Like my inability to stop myself from shaking. I can never stay still for long, no matter how much I'd wish to.

"I want to move back in with them." Zoey suddenly whispers, still staring up at the sky. "My family. I feel too guilty staying with uncle Noah. I don't care if it's fine to be feeling how I do, but I still feel guilty. And I don't think anything anyone says is going to make me stop feeling like how I do."

I nod, knowing Zoey knows I'm nodding. We're close enough so our sides are touching, and it's so quiet you can hear every little movement.

"How come you never kiss me?" Zoey asks again after a minute.

I shrug. "You're trying to fix things first. And if I remember correctly, if I kiss you too much you can't help yourself." She doesn't want to date yet, so I don't want to go against that.

"That's true Ganso." She says, and I furrow my eyebrows.

"Ganso?"

Zoey chuckles. "It's Spanish for dork, Ganso. Get better at Spanish."

I roll my eyes. "What ever Girasol."

We sit in silence for several minutes, until Zoey starts talking again. "Why'd you do it?" She whispers, and I tilt my head. Zoey's hand that was holding mine moves from my hand to my forearm. "Why'd you hurt yourself?"

I sigh. I knew she's eventually find out, and would want to know. And it's only fair I tell her. I just don't want to tell her because I feel she may be sensitive around the whole self harming thing, because she told me about how her mom would, how she would occasionally find her dad with cuts too, and how her mom literally tried ending her life. I am not happy or proud about what I've done, and I regret every bit of it.

"Sorry, you don't have to tell me." Zoey mumbles.

"No, it's ok. Don't apologize. I don't mind tell you." I trust her, always have. "So basically, I used to date this girl."

Zoey moves her hand away from my forearm and holds my hand again. We both continue looking at the sky, taking in the beautiful stars.

"She was older than me, I mean still us because she's still alive. Anywho, I started dating her like 8th grade to freshman year, I don't exactly remember. We dated for a bit up until sophomore year. But this girl, Cami is name, she wasn't too nice. Looking back, it was as clear as day, but back then I didn't realize. She was really manipulative, used me to her advantage. I can't speak too bad about her though, because she did have family issues, and I guess she acts how she does because of it. But she wasn't very nice, she'd blame me for things I couldn't cause, and tell me things I shouldn't have believed. Cami would tell me every time I screwed up, I uh... needed a punishment."

Zoey's hand tightens.

"At first I thought it was stupid, and didn't want to. So, Cami would do it for me. After a month or so I got used to it, and could 'punish' myself on my own. And I was always getting in trouble with Cami. Cami would then tell me any time I felt angry, sad, embarrassed, jealous, and emotion other then happiness really, I should... hurt myself."

Gosh, I was so stupid. Like so stupid. I don't know how I could've been so naïve. I really don't.

"It wasn't until I refused having sex with Cami did I realize she wasn't a good person. Probably because she hurt me, kinda badly. She just offered to punish me, and pressed a little too hard. Didn't stop bleeding, so I had to get stitches."

Zoey's hand squeezes mine even tighter.

"It was all ok. I told the doctors everything Cami had told me. My parents thought she screwed with my head so much I should go to a.... Special hospital floor for a month or so. When I came back, Cami was gone, she had done some bad things in her past and got sent off to a special place for troubled kids, and I never saw or heard from her again. Cut forward about a month or two, I transferred school because I couldn't, and didn't really want to, go back to the school I used to. I met this really beautiful girl, with this white shirt with a sunflower right in the middle. She's the best thing that could've ever happened to me."

"I just have two questions. Was the special hospital floor you went to happen to be the same place my mom went to for like a year? And I know I sound like some jealous prick, but do you still have feelings for this Cami girl?"

"Quite possibly to the first question..... yes, and no to the second. What I felt for Cami doesn't even begin to compare what I feel for you."

And that's true. Sure, I did feel something for Cami, but not anymore. It may have been not that long ago, just a little over a year, but I already know I don't feel anything for her and never will. Seeing as how she technically attempted homicide according to the police and judge and jury.

"The big ones on your wrist, were those the ones she did?" Zoey mumbles, leaning on her side and looking down at me.

I nod briefly.

Zoey goes back onto her back, looking at the stars again. "I promise it won't be long now. I'm nearly there." She whispers, probably referring to how she wants to date again.

I hope it's soon. Because I really do like kissing Zoey. Just being able to hold her and call her nicknames isn't enough for me. I want more. I will always want more.

She's my Girasol, my Amor.

*****
Привет, тик-такс (Russian for Hello tic tac)

I don't really have anything to say so I'll just....

        😎   "Watch me whip."
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