His Sunflower

Chapter 62

Ethan came over, because my parents are gone for the weekend again, and last time they left I had to call him over multiple times because I was struggling to handle the twins on top of everything else. So he's just going to stay for the weekend.

"Zoey! Can we eat our ice cream now?" Clara asks grabbing onto me.

"What? We haven't eaten dinner yet."

"But we can't just make ice cream and not eat it right away!" Clara whines.

"Ethan! I told you this would happen if you helped them make their own ice cream!" I groan.

Clara giggles. "He can't say no to my cuteness. But if it makes you feel better, Ethan's a good brother. If you wanted to make it official, I'll support it. Max will too because he likes Ethan."

I blink.

"That's me giving you two my blessing if you're confused."

I bite my lip. "Clara, Ethan and I aren't getting married right now. Or anytime soon." We're not even legally adults! How is she already talking about marriage?!

"But I need Ethey babies!" Clara says pouting.

Ethan walks into the kitchen, Max clinging onto Ethan's ankle as Ethan just drags him around. "He says he won't let go until he gets Ethey babies. I don't even know what Ethey is!"

"Ethan and Zoey. It's our ship name." Clara says shrugging. "Can I have ice cream now?"

I sigh. "No. But you can help me make dinner."

"Boo!!" Clara says giving me a thumbs down. "Boring."

"Ok, do you want to teach Carrot some tricks?" I ask. The twins have been trying to get Carrot to learn tricks, which they've actually been successful with. Carrot can now find people by their smell, retrieve one of three of her toys, whichever you ask her to get, and wake you up if you pass out. Or just lay on the ground because that's what Max and Clara do, they haven't actually passed out.

"Yeah!! Next we're gonna train her to make you not nervous. You know how you do that thing when you're nervous?" Clara asks referring to how sometimes when I'm nervous I scratch my arm without realizing. I've made myself bleed before, it's a habit I need to break. "Well we're gonna train her to stop you!"

Max let's go of Ethan's ankle and runs off after Clara to find Carrot.

Ethan opens the freezer, grabbing the chicken nuggets we decided to make tonight, while I start on the green beans.

"What nervous thing?" Ethan asks, glancing back at me.

"Oh, I like scratch my arm without realizing." I shrug. I don't think I've ever gotten that nervous or anxious around Ethan for him to witness it, he just seems to put me in a pretty calm state of mind. But whenever he's not around is when I have problems.

Ethan preheats the oven, looking back at me, more specifically my arm. He squints, then frowns. "Is that why you have the scabs and scars there?"

I nod. "Yeah, I never notice unless someone tells me to stop, or I start bleeding." I shrug. I've also picked at my lips before, to the point where I spilt them and bleed everywhere.

I have done that one in a long while though. That was more thirteen to fifteen Zoey. When my little brother was fighting for his literal life. I had a lot to be anxious about.

Speaking of Matthew, tomorrow's the anniversary of his death. It's nice that mom and dad will be at their little support group thing for it. Means they'll handle it better I hope. Then again, this is their third weekend going. So you never know.

Ethan and I finish dinner, and feed my siblings. I don't miss how Ethan have himself a portion of food smaller then mine, and didn't even finish that, but I don't comment on it. It's the side effect of the meds. He's bound to get the most common biggest one. I just hope the suicidal thoughts don't make an appearance.

Ethan does dishes while I put the twins to bed, and then we both go to my bedroom. I sit on my bed, and Ethan sits at my desk, spinning around in my chair, occasionally laughing to himself.

I get up going to my closet and changing into my pajamas. I come out, seeing Ethan's now drawing on my dry erase board.

I sigh and go to brush my teeth. I busy myself with reading the ingredients in my toothpaste, which is why I didn't see Ethan sneak up on me and hug me from behind.

I jump, and he giggles. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." He says looking at me through the mirror.

I nod and continue brushing my teeth.

I'm not really looking forward to going to sleep, because then I'll wake up and it'll be the day my brother died. And I don't want it to be the day my brother died. I try to stay busy that day, because if I'm left with my thoughts for too long, then I go to a bad place.

"Hey, you ok?" Ethan asks, then holds my hair for me when I sip out my toothpaste. Hashtag couple goals.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say rising off my toothbrush then turn around in Ethan's arms hugging him.

"Well I read somewhere that fine stands for Feeling I'm Not Expressing." Ethan mumbles. "It was a really good book actually. With this kid who had like, schizophrenia and shit. It's good. He had a dog named Skittles. Yeah, good book.... What was I talking about?"

"The book you read?"

"No! About you totally lying to me. I refuse to believe you're fine. Wanna know why?"

"Sure-"

"Because fine stands for Feelings I'm Not Expressing. Didn't know that did you." Ethan says giving me a look. "Oh shit, I already said that didn't I?"

"Yeah, but I definitely know the meaning now." I say and slip out of his arms and going back to my bedroom. Ethan follows after me, pulling into his lap as he sits on my bed.

"Ok Amor, lay it on me." Ethan says, and I just look at him.

"I said I'm fine." I am fine. But that doesn't mean I want to go to sleep, ever. Because then tomorrow will never come.

"Remember what I said about fine?"

I sigh nodding. "I just don't like the day he died. It's the day everything changed for the worse. I mean, three years later and everyone's still struggling hard with it."

"I can imagine how your family must be feeling right now. I haven't even really had any relatives die. My dad's dad died, but I was o my two years old and don't remember it. So I can't even begin to imagine how you guys feel." Ethan mumbles.

I shrug. "It's ok really. It doesn't bother me too much unless I'm left alone to think for too long. But I always allow myself one hour to be alone with my thoughts when I go visit him."

"Do you take your siblings along?" Ethan asks laying down and bringing me with him.

"Sometimes. I did last year, but they didn't really like it much. I usually take them on his birthday, because it has a better atmosphere to it all."

"I'lol stay here with the twins tomorrow so you can visit with him, if you'd like." Ethan mumbles.

"Can you handle them? Because it's a lot for one person."

Ethan shrugs. "I'll call over Leo and or Vance if needed."

"Ok then yeah, I'd like that."

Ethan kisses my forehead, and I snuggle into his side more. "But for the rest of tomorrow do you think it's possible to not let me be by myself for too long?"

"Of course Zoe. Whatever you need, I'll do."