Love ~ vinnie hacker

Letter

                          TW: mentions of suicide

You slowly start to wake up to your head spinning and you slowly crawl off the floor and go walk upstairs and go to the bathroom you look in the mirror and see dried blood down your face you get a flannel and try to wipe the blood off your face once you do you she how deep it was its not that bad but still kinda deep but only deep enough to leave a tiny scar you put a plaster on it and then you go back down stairs and grab your phone you look at the time and its 8:43am you realise you was passed out for 10 hours shit you mumble and check all yours messages you see some from the girls seeing how the funeral was you tell them that it was okay and that it was good to say goodbye you set your phone down on the counter while you get a glass of water then you go decide you need to take a shower so you slowly walk upstairs and turn the shower on you strip out of your clothes you take a look at your body in the mirror you look yourself up and down and you hate what you see you take one more look at yourself before stepping in the shower

As the hot shower hits your skin all of the feelings that you have been trying to convince yourself isn't there all come rushing to the surface you brake down in tears as you fall to your knees and just keep crying you start thinking about how much you have hurt everyone how much you worried them how you only care about yourself you keep crying hugging your knees you start to feel like you can't breathe like somebody is sitting on your chest you used to have panic attacks a lot before you moved to la but you got them under control after a few weeks of being there

You start to get your breathing under control and once the panic attack was over you just have these overwhelming thoughts

Your worthless

No I'm not

Yes you are you know im right I always am

You just keep crying

I bet your parents are glad there gone they've been put out if there misery of having you as there daughter

No no please stop thats not true please don't say that

You only think about yourself and look at how many people you hurt Bryce,Vinnie , all of the girls leaving them to worry about you after Vinnie
saved you

I know but please Just stop I didn't want to to hurt them

Y/n you know the only way to stop me

No i cant do that agin ill hurt them again what if somebody finds me

Yes you can nobody can stop you now nobody will find you

Yeah your right maybe I should do this

Good you know I'm right

You sigh as the voice finally stops you get out of the shower and go in to your room you decide if your going to do this it will be better to write some letters instead you decide to do vinnies first

Dear vin

Im so sorry i did this but i want you to know that i love you so so much your the reason I've kept in going so for that i want to say thank you but i just cant to it anymore i love you so much and i hurts me to know that you will be reading this but its for the best i don't want you to think any of this is your fault and i want you to let go i know its going to be hard but you will be okay i want you to move on

Can you remember our first date i was so nervous i curled my hair and wore a black dress i was worried that you wouldn't have liked it and when you knocked on the door i ran down stairs and opened the door and saw you standing there with a black shirt with black pants you was just staring at me with a stunned look on your face  and you said wow y/n you look beautiful and I started to blush and I said thank you vin then we walked to your car and went to that really nice restaurant and we both had a burger and we talked about everything and then we went to the Hollywood sign and watched the stars until we both go tired and we went home