Harry's new album was coming out in less than a week and he was going crazy thinking about how his fans were going to react. "But baby what if everyone hates it?" Harry pouts at me from his spot on the bed, his eyes still puffy and his voice groggy from just waking up. "They aren't gonna hate it H, they will love it because it comes from you and your heart" I give him a big smile through the mirror across the room. "Hmmmmp" He flops back onto our bed with a big grunt. "Maybe I would be more confident if you listened it to first..." Harry quietly says as he pokes one eye over the duvet. I spin around quickly looking at him as if he has two heads. "What?" He's using those little puppy dog eyes and staring up at me with hope. "You really want me to listen to it?"
I can't even begin to explain how tense I feel about his question, On one hand of course I want to listen to it, because he's my loving boyfriend and he had already told me that there were certain songs that I had influenced. But on the other hand he had also stressed to me that certain songs have been influenced by "other people". The second he said "other people" like that I knew exactly what he meant, and as heart breaking as it is to me that he has obviously had previous partners, I knew this day would be coming and as selfish as I am, I have been trying to put off listening to the album in fear that I would ruin it for him. I know I'm nothing compared to his pervious relationships and that's something I need to work through and definitely not something he needs to worry about. Another reason for me avoiding the album is well, I just love him so much that even hearing him talk about his previous pains gives me pain, I can't even begin to explain how sad it makes me to think that someone has broken his heart like that. Before we started dating we were amazingly close friends, and I cant even tell how many times I walked into his place to hear his strangled cries from shower or his angry yelling in the kitchen. I just want to cuddle him in a big blanket and shelter him from the worry and hurt.
"Of course I want you to listen to it, your opinion is one of the only ones I truly care about baby" He slowly rises from the bed and walks his way over to me, wrapping his hands around my waist and staring at me in the mirror. I try my absolute best to seem as excited as I can be, because I am excited, well for most of the songs. "I would be honoured to hear your album H" I wriggle around in his arms and kiss his lips briefly before hiding my face in his neck. I can hear his heart start beating faster as he says "Really? Thank you so much petal, I can go and get my laptop and show you now if you're free?" With a pleading look on his face how could I possibly say no? "Yeah sounds good bub". He runs off without another word into his office.
I try to prepare myself by focusing on my breathing and counting to 10 slowly. By the time I'm done Harry is racing back into the room with his laptop secured in his arms. He jumps onto the bed and pats the spot next to him. I carefully walk back over to my side of the bed and hesitantly get back under the covers, if I'm going to do this I'm gonna be as comfy as possible on the outside, because my insides are going to be a wreck. "You ready baby?" H looks over at me with his childlike grin and I shake my head yes "Just don't interrupt though, I wanna hear it the whole way through". As the intro to Golden starts I breathe in quietly and silently pray it's not about someone else. Harry stares at me intently as I try not to focus on him right now. I close my eyes and lie down to try to distract him from my anxieties. As Golden ends and Watermelon Sugar starts I start to calm down and juts enjoy his heavenly voice as I know the next 3 songs are ones I have already heard and, from what I think I know, they aren't based on any ex's of his. But then Cherry starts...
This is what I was worried about. As soon as I hear her voice I know I'm screwed. My heart is going crazy in my chest and I struggle to keep my tears to myself. I slowly look over to Harry and see that he is staring up at the ceiling and I am grateful he's not looking at me right now, cause I know he would stop the music and ask me what is wrong. So I suck it up and try to listen to the song over my rapid heartbeat. Hearing him say he misses certain things about his ex is never easy and I swallow down my insecurities and try to focus on the guitars or backing vocals, so I don't have to listen to the words. Just when I think the gut wrenching song is over, I let out a small sigh of relief. But then her voice fills my ears again, her gorgeous accent and girly laugh flow through me like an alarm, only I can't wake up from this nightmare because it's happening in real life.
