Divergent

Chapter 19

There's a knock on my door and I slowly stand up. My joints click into place and I groan as I turn the door handle.

"Hey." four says with raised eyebrows.
"Hi." I whisper and he frowns.

"Are you okay?" He asks with concern laced into his voice.

"Come in." I murmur and open the door wider. He does as told and I lock the door shut behind us. I can't exactly lie to him. I can just imagine my face. Red blotchy cheeks and angry red eyes from crying so much.

"Will you nap with me?" I ask like a little kid.
"Hey, what's wrong? What happened?" He asks and gently takes my face between his hands. He wipes my red puffy eyes and I sigh.

"I don't want to talk about it." I mumble and he lifts me into his arms. He carries my towards the bed and sets me down.

"Usually when a girl says that she means the total opposite." he comments as he unlaces his shoes and sets them aside.

"M-my parents left m-me a stack of letter for the important steps of my life." I stutter and he wraps me in his arms. He switches the light back off and pulls me against his chest.

"That's why you left the meeting? To come read one of the letters?" He asks softly.

"Y-yes, Myra told m-me that I should come read it. A-and I did... They said how p-proud they are of me. They said that they w-wish they were here for me." I hiccup through my tears.

"Shh.. Its okay. That's a good thing, they're proud of you." he soothes.

"That's n-not good! I should be with them. I should h-have been there when they died, I should've died with them." I hysterically cry out. Pain erupts in my chest and he moves my face to his neck.

"Cry it out." he murmurs softly.
__________
When I wake up I'm laying on fours chest. His arms are protectively wrapped around me and my face is nuzzled into his neck. His bright blue eyes stare at me and I blush.

"I'm sorry abo-"
"Don't apologize. I'll be your shoulder to cry on whenever you want." He murmurs.

"It just... hit me. That I should be where they are." I whisper and draw random shapes on his chest.

"You haven't mourned there deaths... You've been to busy with training." he realizes and I shrug in reply.

"Tris." he sighs out.
"Im fine." I mumble.

"When I first came here. I had to mourn. I know our stories are polar opposites. But in some ways they're the same. We both lost our parents. Even if my dad is still alive and rotting in a cell, I lost him. He's not the same man I remember when my mom was around. When I got here I mourned for months. I would cry myself to sleep and go sit by the chasm just to think... The mourning process is important." he says and rubs the small of my back.

"I'm not the type of person to do that. My way of coping is to bottle everything up until I can't anymore. It's like... shaking a bottle of soda and slowing opening it. The soda doesn't overflow, because you quickly close it. But some of it does get out... My emotions get bottled up and I have small outbursts. I know that example was stupid, but it's the only way I can describe it." I explain quietly.

"It wasn't stupid. I understand that." he replies. My eyes shut and I cuddle closer to him.

"You understand me." I correct. He chuckles lightly and kisses the tip of my nose.

"Tired still?" He asks.
"A little." I admit.

"Sleep as much as you want princess. If I could watch you sleep forever, I would." he says and I laugh.

"That sounded creepy when I said it." he admits and I peck his lips.

"No it didn't. It sounded sweet." I tease. He gives me a knowing look and my eyes shut once again. My fingers continue to trace his chest and he quietly groans.

"What?" I ask.
"That feels good. When I was younger my mom use to do that to my hair to get me to go to sleep. Before she died." he replies with a small blush.

"Awe." I coo and peck his cheeks. I move my hands to the hair on the back of his neck and he sighs.

"Can I ask you something?" I whisper.
"Mhm."

"Why did you he so angry a Chris yesterday? When she was saying you had no emotions." I ask softly. His jaw tightly clenches and I lightly tug at the ends of his hair. He relaxes once again and huffs.

"I don't want to be like this. I've tried to make friends here. I just feel like the one different person. I mean my dad is a murderer. I never told you this... but he's the one that killed Uriah and Zekes dad." He says with a pained expression. My eyes widen in shock and he nods.

"I know." he whispers.
"Four, Zeke is your best friend-"
"He hated me when I first came here. After a few months I finally warmed up to him. I told him about what my dad use to do to me and he felt bad." He admits. I can see the anger rushing through his eyes and I peck his lips.

"Four, you're not your father." I promise. A small sigh of relief leaves his mouth.

"I like you the way you are. You're real with me. Let everyone else see this side of you." I murmur.

"I only want you to see this side of me." he replies. A smile forms on my face and I peck his cheek.

"If that's what you want, I'm all up for it. I love this side of you." I reply quietly. He chuckles and presses his lips to mine.