Autumn of May

CHAPTER 34: Reconciliation

Buong araw na nandoon kami sa resort ay hindi ko pinapansin si Xavier. He's trying to approach me pero dinededma ko lang siya. I don't know the exact reason why I am this angry but I believe that I am just concerned about him. Hindi biro ang babayaran sa heart surgery ko, that's why I don't want him to risk his business para sa treatment ko. Nikka approach me at hinila ako palayo sa kanila while everyone is preparing for lunch.

"Girl, I sense something off between you and Xavier. Nag-away ba kayo?" she whispered. Tumango ako kaya Nikka let out a sigh. "Ano ba naman yan Abbi, we are here to make this time memorable for everyone pero both of you are fighting. Made up with him" she insisted. Hinawakan ko siya sa kamay at nagsalita, "I don't know Niks but I suddenly got angry when I found out na itataya niya ang business niya to find me a good doctor for the surgery" mahina akong hinampas ni Nikka sa braso. "Are you crazy? Xavier is concerned about you" she said in a low voice para hindi kami nila marinig.

Nagbuntong hininga ako, "Alam mo naman Niks na ayaw na ayaw ko na gumastos kayo ng malaki para sa treatment ko. Hindi ko gustong magkaroon ng utang na loob sa inyo" I mumbled. Nikka let out a sigh at napatingin sa mga kaibigan namin na naghahanda ng pagkain. "You know Abbi, we don't need that much in this world. Hindi namin kailangan ng maraming pera, magandang bahay o di kaya magagarang sasakyan. We all wanted to have those people who'll be there with us and love us. At isa ka sa mga tao na nagmamahal sa amin at minamahal namin, and we can't afford to lose those people" hindi ako nakaimik sa sinabi ni Nikka. Everyone really aims to help me despite of the consequences. Si Nikka, I know she's preparing something without my knowledge. Hindi man niya sinasabi sa akin but I know mayroon siyang plano in order for me to get successfully out from my disease.

Napatingin ako kay Xavier, he is currently talking with someone on the phone. Hindi ko alam but I realized that I don't deserve Xavier and Xavier don't deserve me. Xavier deserves someone better. Yung babaeng kayang ibigay lahat kay Xavier. Someone who can give equally to him the love and care that he gives. "Maraming salamat sa inyo Nikka" I said dahil iyon na lamang ang naisagot ko sa kaniya. She slightly push me and said, "Go, talk to him" I nodded as a response at lumakad na papunta sa direksiyon ni Xavier.

Nang makarating ako sa likuran ni Xavier, I tap his shoulders kaya napalingon siya sa akin. He excuse himself from the call and raises his eyebrows. "If you're free later, mag-usap tayo" I said to him. Ibinalik niya ang phone sa kaniyang tenga at nagsalita, "Let's continue our conversation later, I'll call you" he drop the call and slid his phone on his pocket. "Let's talk about it right now" tumango ako kaya lumakad siya papunta sa likuran ng resort na kung saan doon matatagpuan ang malawak na dagat. I just followed him and when we finally come near the shore, huminto siya sa paglalakad at humarap sa akin.

"Abbi, about what I said earlier. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice--" hindi ko siya pinatapos sa pagsasalita ng hinawakan ko ang kaniyang kamay. "It's fine. Ako nga dapat magsorry sa iyo kasi I intervene with your business na hindi ko dapat ginawa. It's rude for me to reply to the doctor's messages and sorry for our fight earlier" ngumiti lang si Xavier sa akin at hinawakan ako sa pisngi. I never knew Xavier was this gentle, kasi ang Xavier na nakilala ko puro curse lang ang lumalabas sa bibig and Xavier was kinda violent back then.

"It's my fault baby, I know that you're concerned about me and my business and I understand it" he said kaya napatingin lang ako sa kaniyang mga mata. "I don't care if I lose my business Abbi. But I can't afford to lose you" he said, full of sincerity. My heart suddenly feel an ache that I can't explain. My eyes started to get teary kaya agad akong huminga ng malalim. "Xavier.." I called his name. My voice begin to crack pero pinipigilan kong tumulo ang mga luha sa aking mga mata. "Don't you regret having me in your life?" I asked him and dito na tuluyang tumulo ang mga luha sa aking mga mata.

There is silence between us. Nakatingin lang si Xavier sa akin but his mouth are not brave enough to speak. "You should be with someone whom will support you with your business. Yung taong walang hinaharap na malaking problema sa buhay. Someone who is healthy na kayang suklian lahat ng kabutihan na binibigay mo. Someone who can be with you, no matter what. Someone na hindi nagbibilang ng natitirang araw sa mundo... " I said while crying heavily in front of him. He suddenly reached my face and slowly wipe the tears that fall on my cheeks.

"I can't be this happy and contented with my life Abbi if you're not part of it. Walay saysay ang buhay ko Abbi Gayle, kung wala ka sa tabi ko. Of course, I never ever regretted to have you in because you brought me back to life. I would be lifeless, if you're not there" he said. His arms wrapped on me at niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit. Despite the uncertainties, I feel safe and find comfort in his arms. God love s me so much that He gave this man to me. I am more than blessed to have Nikka and my grandparents on my side, but my blessings are overflowing when Xavier became part of my life.

Kumalas kami sa yakap and Xavier give me a comforting smile. Ngumiti naman ako sa kaniya pabalik. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at nagsalita, "Let's go back there and have lunch" tumango lang ako at naglakad kami pabalik ng rest house. Pagdating namin doon, Nikka give me a thumbs up ng mapansin niya na magkahawak ang kamay namin ni Xavier. Umupo kami sa table at nagsiupuan na din sina Nikka, Steve, Karlo, Mikaela, and Kris. Sumabay na din sa amin ang dalawang staff upang kumain. We prayed for the food and after that, we started eating.

Nagkuwentuhan lang kami habang kumakain and napansin ko na Mikaela and Kris are started to get closer to each other. They never meet before at ngayon lang sila nagkakilala and I am happy to see na they're getting along well. We all talk about our experiences, our embarrassing moments, at ang mga moments na hinding-hindi namin makakalimutan. Everyone laugh hard and join the fun.  Steve always takes care of Nikka, he's so gentle and he always serve Nikka in any way that he can. Masaya ako dahil natagpuan ni Nikka at Steve ang isa't isa. Si Mikaela naman, I know na hindi siya pababayaan ni Nikka. They may argue that often, pero hindi nila iiwan ang isa't isa.

Xavier hold my hand kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya. He just smiled playfully and hid our hands on his pocket. Ibinalik niya ang atensiyon sa pakikinig sa nakakatawang kuwento ni Karlo. He laugh with them and exchange jokes with the crowd. Napangiti lang ako habang nakatingin sa kaniya. Ayokong masaktan ka Xavier. I don't want you to suffer alone and I don't want you to bear the pain that I will give you. I want you to be happy and find someone who can be with you for a lifetime.

Hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa kaniyang mga kamay at huminga ng malalim. I need to find a perfect timing to break up with him.