Autumn of May

CHAPTER 37: Late Night Talk

I am sitting at the balcony when I heard some footsteps coming towards my direction. Nilingon ko ito and I saw my Dad holding a wine bottle and a glass. The cold wind makes me shiver a little. Dahil walang masyadong ingay sa condo and my condo is located above the ground, no vehicles noises that can break the silence between us. He opened the wine bottle and pour himself a drink. "Thinking too much?" He said while he gulped the wine. I didn't respond, instead I turn my gaze to the wonderful view of the city lights.

"About what you said earlier—.." hindi siya nakapagpatuloy sa pagsasalita dahil I cut him off. "Just forget about it Dad. Maybe you'll brand me as incompetent if I really made a loan with you" I said but highly doubtful dahil gusto ko talagang makahiram ng pera kay Dad to push Abbi's operation. "I realize that you've become someone I didn't recognize earlier" he said while continue drinking the wine. I fake a soft laugh. He won't really recognize me because he never really played a big role in my life. He's busy with business and busy with the other things except for his son. "You've never had time to know me" I replied.

He put the wine glass on the table and pour a wine on it. "Are you sure about that girl of yours?" he suddenly asked. I looked at him and he smiled. "I'm just asking because you've been always playing with girls before" he added. "Why even bother asking? And why even you're at my condo at this time?" I said even that I keep stopping myself to say something bad to him or insult him because I really need his help. He laughed because of my reply. "You know Xav, I admit that I'm not a great father to you and I have lapses..." he stopped for a while and drink the wine. "And I'm sorry about what happened to us in the past especially to your Mom"

The talk become more serious and I didn't even expected that we will have this kind of conversation. "I admit that I did a mistake in the past but it doesn't mean that I totally forgot all about that. It doesn't mean that I forgot about your Mom and that event, that even really killed a part of me" I saw some tears started to fall from his eyes. This is the very first time that I saw my Dad crying. "That time, we don't have anything and I am only starting with our business. We are really struggling. We have unpaid debts and taxes, it really come to a point that we need to sell everything that we have including the Cafe. Your mom agreed to sell the Cafe and will start from scratch but I never agreed to sell the Cafe. I tried to protect it and while I'm busy protecting the most favorite place of your Mom, I never expected that I would lose my favorite person" he stopped and take deep breaths.

I never heard this side of the story because even before I failed to listen to him because I am swallowed by pain and anger.  "That time, I am currently facing the investors and they're threatening me. They take my phone because it was ringing while we are having the meeting that's why I failed to answer the calls." He put the wine glass and look at the skyscrapers in front of us. "I blame myself for the accident Xavier, I did blame myself up until now" and he continue to cry and this time I can feel that he is really hurt and in deep pain. After some minutes of crying, he wiped his tears. He slid his hand on his pocket. He placed an ATM card on the table and said, "Treat your girl. I don't want to make the same mistake again" he said and he slowly stood up and akma na sanang aalis sa balcony pero I grab the ATM card and walk passed by him.

Hinarap ko siya at medyo nagulat siya dahil sa ginawa ko. I slowly put myself on my knees and started to cry, "I'm sorry— I'm sorry dad" the only words that came out from my mouth and I started to hugged his knees. I can feel that his knees are trembling and I can hear that he started to cry also. I cried harder. I know I do have a lot of things to say to my Dad but I just let my tears speak for me. We continue crying and after some minutes he tapped my back and asked me to stand up.

"I will repay you Dad. I will" he shook his head and smiled. "I'm so proud of you" he said while continue tapping my back. He left the room and I was left standing there. All my life, I never had such great conversation with my dad and I never know how much in pain he is in but he still managed to get up and probably it was for me. The event that happened to my mom scarred him to. I am not the only one suffering and bearing all those pain but Dad is silently bearing all of those for years. Stella entered the room and she ran towards me and give me a hug.

"You've been doing great for all of these years Xav" she said while she caressed my back. I slowly extended my arms and started to hug her. She smiled at me when he feel my arms that are wrapped unto her. "I'm sorry if I let you feel that I somehow replaced your mom but you're right, I can't replace your mom. But even that I can't replace her, I can be someone whom you can rely on" she added as she slowly tap my back. "Thank you Stella and I'm sorry for everything that I did" she just smiled and said, "What matter is you're learning from your mistakes and you learn to forgive not only your father but also yourself" she hugged me again and this time I can see that my heart started to feel lighter than before.