Autumn of May

Chapter 44: A very fine, colder breeze

Mahina kong binuksan ang pintuan ng silid ni Xavier at nakita ko siyang nakaupo sa kaniyang kama. His room is so dark, na parang hindi na nasinagan ng araw. Lumapit ako sa bintana at marahan na hinawi ang kurtina. May pumasok na maliit na sinag ng araw sa loob ng silid at narinig ko siyang nagsalita. "Why are you here?" He said in a very low and husky voice. Napalingon ako sa kaniyang mesa at nakita ang mga pagkain na hindi manlang niya nagalaw at ang tambak na paperworks na lagi niyang inaatupag. "Ilang araw ka ng hindi kumakain Xavier" sabi ko sabay ligpit ng mga pagkain sa mesa.

"Close the door after you leave" he said kaya nagbuntong hininga na lamang ako. Bumaba ako at nakita ko na nakatayo sa may kusina si Nikka. She still haven't moved on sa nangyari. The truth is, no one had moved one. She slightly smiled at me and speak, "Kumusta si Xavier?" I slowly shook my head and tumingin sa mga pinggan na hawak ko. "He's hopeless" sambit ko sabay lapag ng mga pinggan sa drain. "If Xavier continue to ignore us forever, Abbi won't like that" she said at tinulungan ako sa paghugas ng pinggan. "It was tough for all of us, but it was the toughest for him" I said at nagpatuloy sa paghugas ng pinggan.

It was days already since Abbi left us. We tried to continue our lives and we pushed through the limits to try living on our normal life back. Abbi wrote all of us a letter. Nagpapasalamat siya sa mga magagandang alala, sa pagkakaibigan, sa lahat-lahat. Kahit na mahirap para sa parte ni Nikka na manirahan dito sa isla, but we choose to live here for now. Nikka left her job in the city and she even left her family business problem there para lamang maalagaan ang grandparents ni Abbi dito sa isla as what we've all promised. Xavier decided to stay here kahit na ibinalik ng Dad niya ang ownership ng sarili niyang business sa city.

Xavier continue to managed the cafe and kahit na we've been through ups and downs lately, he still managed to keep the cafe running smoothly. Nakarinig kami ng footsteps pababa kaya sabay kami ni Nikka na lumingon sa direksiyon ni Xavier. May hawak siyang black coat and laptop, and for sure pupunta naman ito cafe ng walang kaon at tulog. Bago paman siya makapunta sa pintuan ay hinarangan ko siya. "Xav, please take a rest. Ilang araw kanang ganito" I said in a very considerate voice. He coldly look into my eyes and said, "I need to" he shortly replied.

"Oo alam ko, pero sana kumain ka muna o magpahinga—.." bago paman ako makapagtapos ng pagsasalita ay malakas niya akong itinulak kaya napaupo ako sa sahig. Nagulat si Nikka sa ginawa ni Xavier kaya tumakbo siya sa akin at sumigaw. "STOP IT XAVIER!" she shouted. Lumingon si Xavier sa direksiyon namin and he is angry too. Tumayo si Nikka at lumapit kay Xavier. "Alam mo Xavier, sumosobra kana. You know, hindi lang ikaw ang nasaktan sa nangyari eh. Ako, nasaktan din ako. Kaming lahat nasaktan. Don't make this even more difficult for us Xavier. Kaya please, please stop this" she said, almost begging dahil nahihirapan pa lalo kami sa sitwasyon dahil sa pinanggagawa ni Xavier lately.

Xavier was out from himself. Hindi siya kumakain, minsan kumakain pero hindi naman maayos. Hindi rin siya natutulog. Lagi siya namin naabutan na gumagawa ng reports or analysis sa kaniyang silid and most of the time, lagi siyang nag-oovertime sa cafe. He never opened up, even how painful it was for him. We never saw him crying, even on the first day that Abbi was gone.

"Do you think it was easy for me too?" Napatigil si Nikka. It was the first time. The first time he even bring this up. Napalilibutan na kami ng katahimikan. I know Nikka can sense the bitterness in Xavier's voice. "No, we didn't said anything like that" Nikka replied. Hindi siya nagsalita at mabilis siyang naglakad papunta sa pintuan at tuluyan ng umalis. Nagbuntong hininga na lamang ako at lumapit kay Nikka. I gave her an assuring hug. "It's okay" sabi ko sa kaniya at tumango-tango lamang siya. Bumalik kami sa panghuhugas ng pinggan.

"Alam mo Steve, I keep on doing the old things we do. I keep on living, kahit na mahirap. Because I don't want Abbi to feel the burden. Abbi don't want to see us like this. We promised her.... I don't understand why, why do we keep living like this" sabi ni Nikka na tila nagpapalabas ng kaniyang saloobin. Alam ko na Nikka want us to be positive despite the bitterness of the situation because that's what Abbi wishes before she left. Nangako kaming lahat sa kaniya na magiging okay lang kami and that we are able to get through all of this.

"I know Nikka, but we can't blame Xavier either" Nagbuntong hininga si Nikka. Inilapag niya sa sink ang pinggan at tumingin sa akin. For the past few days, she loses some weight. Her slightly chubby cheeks were gone and her eyes seem too gloomy. Hindi na siya masyadong ngumingiti kagaya ng dati. She keeps on worrying about Xavier and his loneliness but she never had that time to look for herself. But beyond that, sobrang proud na proud ako kasi she tried her very best to carry that burden. "You're so brave Nikka" I softly said to habang mahina na inabot ang kaniyang pisngi. I pinch her cheeks softly and gave her a sweet smile.

"I should be, because that's what she taught me" sabi niya sabay ngiti sa akin pabalik. "So, anong plano?" I raised my eyebrows kasi hindi ko alam kong anong tinutukoy niya. "About Xavier" she added. "Hindi ko pa alam Nikka. Alam na natin na Xavier will decide on himself and walang makakapigil sa anumang desisyon na gagawin niya sa buhay niya" explain ko sa kaniya. "Hmmm, tama ka" maikli niyang sagot.

"I plan to bring Lola and Lolo to the city. Siguro mas makabubuti sa kanila na nandoon sila sa city. They don't have to think too much and Mom already agreed na sa bahay na sila titira. Nandoon naman sina auntie and mga anak niya so probably they'll be okay there" umupo si Nikka sa mesa kaya tumabi ako sa kaniya. "It's a good plan pero hindi pa natin alam kung okay lang sa kanila na sa city na sila titira" Nikka grab a glass and poured a water there. "It's much better for them. Dito, lagi nilang maalala si Abbi. Every corner of their house reminds them about their grand daughter at tsaka I'll be there naman to accompany them" I slightly nod.

Yes, it's a good idea to start a new there. "I'll try to convince Xavier..." Nikka cut me off. "Nope, hindi. Alam kong hindi natin siya maconvince in a conversation way or anything. We should do something" sabi ni Nikka sabay tingin sa akin ng seryoso. "Anong ibig mong sabihin?" tanong ko sa kaniya. Lumapit siya sa akin at bumulong. After hearing what she said, I don't think that Xavier would love that idea. "Are you sure that will work?" tanong ko ulit sa kaniya kasi hindi ako sigurado kung magtatagumpay ba ang plano namin but I trust Nikka that much and I know Nikka wants this for us to be in a better shape and a better place.