SEOUL MATES | Seo Changbin ✔️

TWENTY-SEVEN

Brooke's POV

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Changbin and I looked at one another for a while as we lay in bed. 

"You're sure you want to stay here with me, I don't want you to make a decision in the heat of a moment," He said, running his thumb over my cheek.

I smiled at him and kissed him.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," I told him. "Damn, should I cancel my plane ticket then?" I asked, contemplating calling Yuna at that moment, but deciding not to and that I would talk to her later. 

"I mean, if you want to wait, I can buy one and we can go to your apartment and then get everything you need. And ship over the rest... I guess I need to look at getting my own apartment," he said. "Damn, the way I am about to break Chan's heart when I tell him this." He laughed and I giggled.

Then I frowned.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I should make the phone call I've been dreading this entire trip... that I should have done before Yuna and I ever came here..." I trailed off.

"Calling your ex?" He asked.

"Soon-to-be ex, yes," I said back, not looking him in the eye.

"Call him, I'll be here the entire time, supporting you," he said, kissing my head. "I love you, remember that."

"I love you too," I said back as I sat up and grabbed my phone from the nightstand.

I took a deep breath and dialed his number on my phone, dreading every ring it made.

"Hello?" He said on the other side of the phone, sounding concerned.

"I didn't want to make this stupid fucking phone call. I wanted to say this to your face when I got back, but instead, here we are. I need to get this all out, so please don't talk until I'm finished, because it will take a while." I said and he didn't say anything back, but I knew he was listening. 

I looked at Changbin, who sat on the other side of the bed from me, nodding for me to go on, knowing that whatever I would say was not meant to hurt either of them, but I knew it would sting in the end. I nodded to him and began.

"I love you. I have always loved you and will always love you. I'm sorry that these last few months I've done nothing but strung you along in hopes that we could work things out... that I could work my emotions out. But it was never working. These last two months have been tough because I felt like I could never get my emotions across to you, and for that, I am so sorry. 

I felt like these last few months I haven't been able to be myself around you anymore. That anything and everything I did was annoying or you never understood me. Like when I got back into music. Music has always been my outlet for my emotions, and I never knew how to explain that. So when I got into a new genre of music and you just couldn't wrap your head around why, and never really tried to like the things I liked... It hurt more than it helped. And it's not your fault, I never expected you once to like anything that I like, but I always wanted you to at least try once.

I got into anime and manga because you liked them. And in turn, I ended up liking it a lot as well. I got a fucking anime tattoo of my favorite character for fucks sake. You never understood why I wanted tattoos, and why I wanted to keep getting them. To me they made me more unique than I already was, and yeah I wanted more than the ones I have now, but there's the meaning behind each and every one of them even if you didn't get it. 

It felt like at times you never tried the things I liked or ever wanted to go out and do things. I don't even mean taking me on an expensive date, I mean going for a walk somewhere, going to a museum, doing anything with me. It felt like in the three years we were together, you only ever wanted to stay in my apartment with me when we were together because we did long distance. And in the time we did long distance, you never understood why it upset me so much. Why seeing you once a month never made our relationship better. Why I felt like, maybe this was never worth it, but it was because I fell so in love with you and thought you would always be there and we would always be together. 

I never liked staying inside, and yeah I'm introverted, but because I got to be so comfortable with you, I wanted to go and do things. To see the world with you, to explore and go on trips with you in general. But you never made any notion you wanted to do the same. You always said, 'yeah one day we can do that', never, let's see if we could do that sometime soon, or something like that. 

I'm sorry if that makes you feel like you never did enough for me, but that's a lie. You gave me the best three years of my life and I wouldn't change anything about that. You gave me you, all of you in every way possible and I'd never ask for anything back. If I wasted your time and energy, then I'm sorry, but in these two months, I realized toward the end that our lives were on different paths. 

You wanted to finish law school before we even got engaged and I could never comprehend why. We had been together since my Freshman year of college, and it felt like we should have been engaged, I was ready for it, but you weren't. And before you think that makes me a bitch, I wanted to be engaged for two years before we got married, because something I've seen with engaged people is, that it doesn't always work out and things do change even after being engaged. 

I was ready, but you wanted to wait longer and that wasn't fair to either of us, especially when that was an argument we've had on numerous occasions. Same with your family. Your parents never liked me, and you never did anything to stop them from that, only little things. You never even asked them what their issue with me was, you only kept telling me to get along with them until you were no longer financially under their control. They only ever helped you pay for car insurance and your phone, two things which by the time before you started law school you could have paid for yourself. You chose not to.

It wasn't fair to me to always feel like I was competing with your mother for your affection and attention and how to treat me. It wasn't fair to me that I felt like everyone in your family hated me except you and your grandparents. It's not fair to either of us that I knew your parents and I would never get along, especially with how they thought I treated you and your sister. For fucks sake, they were mad we had to leave her graduation lunch when I had to go to my graduation at one in the afternoon. 

But you sat by and let it happen and never did anything to stop it. So in the last two months of dealing with you not only judging me for everything I cared about, I had to focus on my mental health, and that meant pushing you away a little. And instead of listening to me and focusing on your mental health too, you focused on the fact that you felt like I was no longer there for you. And that wasn't true at all. I just saw everything that made your depression worse and realized that I couldn't help and you needed to find an outlet to help yourself with it. Music was mine, travel was mine, and looking for a way out of the same routine every day of my life was my outlet. I couldn't help you find yours. 

I'm sorry for the pain and misery I put you through and that I couldn't be a better girlfriend toward the end of this relationship. And like I said, I will always love you, and you will always be a part of my life, but it's time to let this go, and let us go on with our lives and find people that will actually help us be us again." I finished talking to Jake on the phone and waited for his response.

"Is that it then?" I could hear him crying through the phone.

"It has to be," I responded, tears rolling down my face. I couldn't bear to look at Changbin at this moment.

"Then goodbye, Brooke," he sobbed into the phone and my heart broke, but it needed to be done.

"Goodbye," I said and hung up the phone.

I held in the tears until they all came rushing out and Changbin yanked me into his arms and onto his lap. We sat there for a while while I cried, never once did he get angry about what I said. All he did was tell me he loved me and that it was going to be okay. And at this moment, I knew it was.