Second Best(2yeon/Najeong version)

Letters

Nayeon

" Jeongyeon, I want you to remind you that I am in possession of many sharp objects here in the kitchen."

I hear her snicker once.

" You forget I am trained in knife fighting."

" Ugh Okay can I just say old?"

" Maybe" She says but then nothing else.

After a few seconds of silence I try to ask again " Jeongyeon?"

No response. I wonder where the hell she went. I hear Emma over the baby monitor and know I can't stay here forever.

" Jeongyeon?"

Again, no response. I have two choices. I can try to keep myself blockaded in here or I can grow some lady balls and face her. I can do this. I have given birth naturally, buried a husband and still manage to function. Screw her.

Slowly I creep the door open and she's not there. Well that wasn't what I was expecting. I take a step into the hallway and look around. These Navy are stealthy and Jinyoung used to love to scare the crap out of me when I wasn't expecting it. He'd hide behind doors and in closets then jump out so I'd scream.

" Jeongyeon?" I ask trying to sneak toward the living room. When I turn I see her holding Emma with a sly smile.

" Saved by the baby."

" I wasn't scared" I say confidently.

" Liar but I'll let you have it."

I laugh and extend my arms. Jeongyeon hands me Emma and I pull her close.

" I like that sound" She says almost as an afterthought.

" Huh?"

Jeongyeon steps forward and brushes my hair back.

" Your laugh. It took a while to get it to come back more."

My jaw falls and I stare into her eyes. She's brought me back..... almost. Given me back my smile and I hadn't even known it. Jeongyeon's been here and managed to help the old me come out.

" I..." I tail off unsure of what to say.

" I gotta get going but I wanted to give you this. I found something in Jinyoung's glove box."

" What?"

Jeongyeon pulls an envelope out of her back pocket and her eyes tell me what it is. The If you are reading this letter. When I didn't receive one after he died, I assumed he shredded it when he got out of the Navy. Considering its usually left with your closest friend and neither Mark nor Jackson had given it to me, I presumed. Then with Jeongyeon being around I thought for sure Jinyoung threw it out not thinking we'd need it but here it is.

I extend my hand and take it.

" Was there anything else?"

The one thing I wanted was our wedding ring. After the explosion no personal belongings were sent back. Maybe he left it too?

Jeongyeon looks at the other letters in her hand and I hate the pain I see.

" A letter for Jackson, mark and one for me were in there as well."

" I don't know if I can read this" I reply honestly.

" You'll read it when you are ready. I have got some things I need to get done" Jeongyeon says and grabs her coat. She kisses the top of my head.

I nod and gaze at the letter in my hand. I want to read it but I can't right now. Not with Emma awake. I have no idea how I am going to handle this. I place it on the table and decide I'll read it later.

The night passes and I get Emma to bed. I am exhausted and worn as I flop on the couch and turn on the fireplace. The letter sits there and the need to read her words is too much to fight. I miss her and maybe this will help me feel close again.

My throat is dry as my finger tears through the seal. My heart beats rapidly in my ears as dread begins to claw its way through my body. Can I read my husbands final message? Inhaling through my nose I count backwards as my hands shake.

The wind blows and I know he's here with me.

Biting my lip I think about Jinyoung and what he's say to me right now. He'd tell me to 'man up' and read it. I smile to myself as I hear his voice in my head. Tears blur my vision but I wipe them away and read my husbands last words to me.

Nay,

If you are reading this, I am no longer here. I have broken my promise to come home to you even though it was a promise I knew I couldn't really make. Know that I didn't go willingly. I wanted a life with you- forever. There's not a single part of me that ever wanted you to read this. First because I am not good at this crap. Second because I have failed you on some level. I always told you I am a SEAL- the best, elite and untouchable. I believe that. There's a reason why we are trained like we are- we do the shit that no one else could. So somehow I fucked up. I got in a situation and my training failed. I am sorry.

My life was never the same after we met in class. you sat next to me and I knew I was a goner then I saw you before the homecoming game and you had that damn skirt on. I almost fucked up the game thinking about how to get to you go on a date with me. After weeks of telling you how awesome I am, you finally caved. I felt like I'd won the lottery. you were the best prize. Hell, you are the best prize. We went to that awful restaurant but you smiled the whole time. When I walked you to the door and you kissed me before I could have done some stupid awkward shit I knew one day I'd marry you. I know you'd be the woman I'd spend every night next to because you are my fucking world, Nay. You are the sun, the stars and the everything in between.

Everyone says in these letters we give these great speeches about random things. I have probably rewritten this damn thing twelve times. I can only tell you this: I love you, I have always loved you and I'll love you far past my death.

I can't tell you what to do because well I am gone and you wouldn't listen anyway but you made promises, you deserve to have the life you wanted.... one with someone who loves you more than their own life. Someone who will give you a family and the love that you need. If we have kids I hope you give them a father. They'll need that, someone to teach them to throw a ball, how to ask a girl out, how to keep the stupid boys who only want one thing away. If we have a girl she's never allowed to date..... ever. Make sure that no boy puts his dipstick anywhere near my daughter. tell them about us. Tell them about how much I would have loved them. If they ask why tell them I was protecting them. I am not a proud man but I am proud of the life we have had. You have stood by me, pushed me and made me a better man.

I have made mistakes in my life but you were the best thing that ever happened to me. you loved me when I probably didn't deserve it. Know that when I close my eyes at night I always see you and when I draw my last breath at the end it'll be your name I say last. Without you there would be no me.

Love me when I am gone.

Jinyoung.

The tears fall and I clutch the letter to my chest.

" I'll love you forever" I whisper and hope somewhere, somehow he hears me.

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The End of This Chapter.

Thank you for Reading.