Second Best(2yeon/Najeong version)

Lost you Completely

Nayeon

" Thanks Dahyun" I say as I lift Emma into my arms.

" No problem I hope you have fun in Corolla" she smiles and I nod, I can't say the words because they will break the carefully constructed front I have managed to build.

I buckle Emma in her seat while she smiles at me" Dadadada" she babbles and then I fall apart.

My muscles go limp while I lie with my head in her lap and sob, I think about how she called Jeongyeon "dada" and how much it made a part of me happy now the sound of her saying it makes me break, I drown in the sea of pain as each sound of my own cries take me under.

She plays with my hair as I lose it in the back seat of my car.

Breath and you'll figure this out you are stronger than this.

I look at Emma and brush the side of her face" So much has changed baby girl so much Mommy's going to be a mess but I'll do everything I can to protect you from it all, I love you so much" I tell her then close the door.

When I left the house Jinyoung was sitting on the deck he asked if we could talk more tonight and try to find some kind of middle ground, I don't even have a clue as to what kind of agreement we can come to but I at least have to try is I want any shot in hell with Jeongyeon I need to know where things stand at home first.

There are so many issues flying through my mind: where he'll sleep clothing do I file for divorce what about all the money from him being declared dead? I sit in the drivers seat and put the music on, I don't want to think about any of this I want to take a moment.

I pay no mind to where I am going because I am singing as loud as I can with tears streaming down my face life is cruel love is a joke and not even death is final.

I am not ready to head home I know I should because he's waiting for her he's waiting for me I am being uncaring but all I want to do is head to Jeongyeon and beg her to take me into her arms looking back in the rearview mirror Emma stares out the window and I wish things could be different but I am grateful she'll never remember all of this mess, I turn into my driveway and sit the turmoil boiling through my veins makes it impossible to move there's not only the fear of him with Emma but also me too I am a match next to a canteen of gasoline ready to ignite at any moment we haven't dealt with anything and I reluctantly agreed to let it rest for a few days.

A few days that I can't go to Jeongyeon.

Time to get your shit together.

Emma smiles when I get her from her car seat I walk slowly with her to the deck where Jinyoung is standing with his back to me.

He turns slowly and casts his eyes on Emma for the first time I hold her close as she looks around Jinyoung takes a slow step forward and smiles" She's beautiful."

Words fail me so I nod.

" She looks just like you Nay" Jinyoung's eyes swim with love as he stares at my- our- daughter.

" I always thought she looked like you" I say looking at her while she smiles at me.

" Can I?" he asks his arms extended.

I shouldn't pull her back but I do I can't stop the fear that festers he's her father he wanted her and he will love her I know all of this but she's only ever been mine it takes me harsh and selfish but I don't really care she's my daughter I have been through it all with her well me and Jeongyeon she's practically been a parent to her and I feel as if I am betraying her which is insane.

" Nay" my name rolls off his tongue.

Tears pool and one lone bead of moisture escapes it slowly descends down my face before landing on my lip" I j-just..." I stutter. my hands grip Emma as she squirms to get free Jinyoung moves closer keeping his eyes trained on her as if he can't look away.