Second Best(2yeon/Najeong version)

Najeong Kiss

Nayeon

My fingers loosen and then her grip does. Jeongyeon releases me and we both try to catch our breath. I look at her and her eyes drift to the mantel. She stares at the flag and my insides hurt.

" Nayeon" she grumbles in a low tone. She's upset.

" I fuck.... I just...."

" Please don't" I request hoping she won't say this was a mistake or that she's sorry. I hate the word "sorry" and I sure as hell don't want to hear it from her mouth. I am tired of people apologizing. You are not sorry. you don't know what to say and I am over hearing it.

" No listen" her hand grips my arm as I try to turn.

" Fucking listen, I don't know what this is. I mean, you are.... well... you!" She exclaims and drops her hand.

" We have been friends for a long time and you have always been his wife. I don't know if I am making any sense."

This whole situation is confusing. There's a part of me- a big part- that's weighted and suffocating in guilt. I feel in some small way as if I cheated on my husband. I know I didn't. I know that he's gone and hell he wanted me to move on but its there. Deep in my gut I am tormented that this was wrong then there's the other side of me- the woman side- that wanted and needed to be touched. I enjoyed the way her lips felt against mine the way Jeongyeon took me in her arms and the way my body molded to hers. it was everything I needed and nothing I wanted to need but I initiated it. I went to her and I would do it again.

" I am not sure what to say" I reply honestly.

" I wanted to kiss you, I wanted to not want to kiss you" I give a half laugh.

Jeongyeon steps forward and pulls me against her" I wanted to not want to want you but I do. I don't know how or when but I have these feelings for you. I don't know if we should do this. I don't know that either of us is ready for this" Jeongyeon says quietly as we hold each other.

" I don't either, maybe we should take all of this one day at a time. I don't know that I am ready" I look at her as she gazes into my eyes.

" I know I don't want you to stop coming around btu I don't know what I am capable of. I mean its not even been a year and I just...." tears pool in my eyes as I try to process what happened. I kissed my friend, I kissed Jinyoung's friend and I am not sure if its wrong.

" You are not getting rid of me and I don't want to push you but I want to kiss you again. Unless you want me to stop?" she waits and my breathing increases.

The anticipation builds inside, it roils and grows taking up every inch of my soul. I want this. I measure the parts of myself trying to see whether its guilt scraping its way through me or whether its desire. The desire pools and smothers any guilt. My heart wants this and so does my body. I inhale and close my eyes taking in each note of her scent. The feel of arms wrapped around me. I shiver even though there's not one part of me that's cold.

" Do you want me to stop, Nay?" Jeongyeon's voice is husky and laced with want.

Jeongyeon's hands make their way up my spine and then back down around my hips. She lifts me off the ground and her breath warms my face. I can feel him grow closer and closer" Now's the time sweetheart" she says practically touching my lips.

" No" I breath the word.

" No you don't want me to stop or no, you do?" She asks her nose brushing against mine. Her lips are a millimeter from mine and one nudge and we'd be touching.

" No, I just..."

She pulls back the slightest bit" Just what? What do you want?"

What do I want? I want it all. I want to not hurt anymore and when I am around Jeongyeon its not so hard. She makes me smile and laugh when I feel like I am drowning in sorrow but the best part of her is that she doesn't even realize she's doing it. It just happens when she's around.