Second Best(2yeon/Najeong version)

Scared

Nayeon

" You still haven't told her?" Jihyo asks as we sit at the Plaza Azteca she grabs another nacho and pops it in her mouth waiting for my answer.

" No I don't want to stress he rout and when I miscarry I don't want to have to tell her its easier this way."

Its been a month since I found out I am pregnant and whenever I talk to Jeongyeon she seems stressed beyond her max each time I go to the bathroom I am terrifies its like I know its coming and I just wish it would happen.

" I think she deserves to know" she says grabbing her giant fishbowl sized margarita.

" I fully plan to tell her but if I tell her now and then lose the baby she'll be devasted and still be deployed if I tell her and her mind goes elsewhere and she gets hurt- then what?" I ask her and stare she knows I am right she's been stressed, crabby and she leaves again for another time down- range as she calls it do for now its better for me to keep this quiet and keep her focused on task at hand.

She nods and sits back" I get it you have a good point there are so many things I don't tell Tzuyu when she's gone."

" Like?"

" Well she doesn't know about how the stupid piece of shit hot water heater went again she'll get upset that she didn't fix it and then I'll have to stroke her ego about how she's so amazing and really I'd rather buy myself some Jimmy Choos and say it was my reward."

I laugh and snort" I don't know how that woman deals with you."

Jihyo smiles and throws back her drink" I promise that Tzuyu has more cracks then the San Andreas Fault she spends more money on her stupid sports memorabilia than I do in shoes and purses we even out and we don't have kids."

Jihyo's eyes fall and I know what she's feeling she and Tzuyu tried for years and instead of killing themselves over it they just resolved that if it happened, it happens. I admire that they put their marriage first but I couldn't possibly imagine a life where Emma didn't exist my hand drifts to my stomach and I think about the baby inside if I lose him or her it will wreck me I know the pain both emotionally and physically the agony of not being woman enough gnaws its way up my throat.

" Nay?" Jihyo's hand touch my arm.

" I can't lose this baby" I admit with tears forming.

" No matter what happens... I am here I'll hold your hand tub your back and then we'll get drunk but I think this baby is a miracle" she raises her glass and I raise mine" To Dreambaby."

" Dreambaby?"

" Well she's Dreamboat s she has Dreambabies."

" Oh Jesus."

We both laugh and talk about my doctor's appointment according to them everything is on track and I conceived while we were in South Carolina I am only six weeks pregnant and my plan is to let Jeongyeon know once I make it through the twelve week period I have lost two babies during the first trimester and the other was at fourteen weeks I can't worry her and I don't want to have her distracted.

Jihyo sits back in the booth with a look that I know too well.

" What?" I ask.

" How are you handling Emma and Jinyoung?"

I sigh and look away" Its hard sharing her like this but its the way it is Jinyoung is trying really hard and we are getting along surprisingly well he's going to therapy and he loves her."

Right now he's taking her for short periods of time and nothing overnight he said he's not ready with his sleep schedule and the nightmares being as bad as they are I am proud that he's aware of his PTSD and how its affecting him the decision not to keep Emma overnight is his decision instead of something I have to fight him on our lives have drifted through rougher seas but he's trying to calm them.