Second Best(2yeon/Najeong version)

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Nayeon

" You are now sixteen weeks" Dr. Contreras says as she smiles and grips my hand I have been with her from the beginning of my very first failed pregnancy and she knows more than anyone how I have been terrified each week I start to gain a tiny flick of hope this might be okay" You are still high risk but right now you are on track."

" I keep waiting" I say aloud.

" Don't live like that everything looks great right now and you have made it through the most trying time" she walks over and gives my hand a squeeze" Have faith Nayeon."

I need to harness my faith that no matter what I will be okay I can't be worries because the stress won't be good for the baby either" Can you give me any insight about how this happened? Years I went through hell and now when I am not even trying.... it happens?"

" Sometimes after you have a baby your body resets itself in a way kind of like 'been there done that' your cycle restarted after Emma and while you might not have been regular because PCOS doesn't go away you were ovulating when you did happen to get pregnant its a good sign" Dr. Contreras smiles and writes some things in her chart" I want to see you back in four weeks."

" Are we doing this like we did with Emma?"

During my pregnancy I was considered high risk my visits were more frequent and they monitored me very closely I also was on a very light lifting ban we were very careful and I felt like I should have covered myself in bubble wrap.

" Most of it yes I don't want you doing anything strenuous if you can keep off your feet then do it I know that's hard with an eighteen month old but try to take it easy do you have help from the father?"

I look away and shake my head" Jinyoung has been helping a little with Emma but he doesn't know Jeongyeon is deployed and I can't tell her while she's gone."

She laughs" I am sure that'll be fun homecoming."

"It'll be interesting for sure."

She pats my hand" I am sure you will get everything worked out we'll keep you monitored and next appointment will be an ultrasound its all good things Nayeon."

" I have so much stress right now between Jinyoung and Jeongyeon I am not sure what the hell to do I am concerned all of this is going to affect the baby" this is my worry I battle each day I have been doing so well with keeping myself calm and in check so far though.

Jinyoung and I get along but I am sure that all could change very quickly Jeongyeon will be home soon enough and then the dynamic shifts again plus there will be an even bigger sense of betrayal Jeongyeon was able to get me pregnant when he couldn't.

" I know this is a difficult time for you but I want you to focus on you for once not Jinyoung and all the issues in the situation but really give yourself the best care possible can you do that?" Dr. Contreras asks.

" Yes this baby means everything to me no matter what happens its a miracle and I am happy."

She smiles" Good now I'll see you in a few weeks and then we can see your baby."

I leave the office feeling buoyant and hopeful I dreamt of having more children but I never expected it to happen and I sure as hell didn't think it wouldn't be without help Jeongyeon and I have a tiny miracle growing inside of me I don't know how she's going to handle it but I can't stop the joy that builds.

I am going to have another baby.

Once I arrive back at the office I float around in a daze I was so sure by now I wouldn't still be pregnant that I didn't really allow myself a chance to process what it all means Jinyoung will need to be told delicately and not until Jeongyeon knows God I hope I don't show early.