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"So, you really like me huh?" I smile down at her and she smiled back. Her arms tightened around my waist.
"Don't ask questions you already know the answer to. I want you to be mine wholeheartedly. I'm just waiting for you to say you ready." She rasped, her breath chilled my skin.
I blushed and kissed her forehead. "Even with how back and forth I've been?"
She sat up and ghosted my lips. "I'm still here aren't I?"
I sat up in bed, looking around for her but of course she wasn't here. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them with a sigh. Maybe I was wrong for pushing her away. Maybe I'm expecting too much.
It's been a little over three weeks since I put our relationship on hold. Every night I dream about being with her but I've been recognizing them as short memories. Every time I wake sad and confused. Glaring at the time on my phone and sometimes crying myself back to sleep.
I should've never let her walk away. I should've jumped on her tall ass and told her I take it back, because I do. I regret not listening to her when it came down to us. At the end of the day what I felt for her was more important than how others would've felt about us. It wasn't that big of a deal to begin with.
I was just... confused.
It's been so long since I've felt this way about someone and even then I don't know what this feeling is. The girls say that it's love but I barely know what that is. What is love?
Lemme google that shit.
"A set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment? What?" I scoffed. I guess I have commitment issues? "It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection, and trust. Love can vary in intensity and can change over time." I continued to read. Some psychological ass shit. Most of it is true though. I love her? I love Beyoncé?
I'm sure of her. I've always been sure I was just scared. Scared of everyone. I shouldn't be. I said it myself, I'm grown. I can make my own decisions and learn from my mistakes. Beyoncé wasn't a mistake, she was a blessing.
I can't help the way I act around her, I can think and speak freely. I can wear my emotions on my sleeves without feeling unwanted or unwelcome. I should've known better than to push her away.
God, I missed being in her arms. I miss her lips. I miss her eyes. I miss her stupid smirk and her laugh. I miss listening to her talk and her business conversations that showed how dominant she was. I want my baby back. Fuck what everyone else says about it, I want her to look me in my eyes and smile at me while telling me kind things.
