FINDING MY KING

Chapter 59

CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE

As I walk through the waiting room, his receptionist calls out to me. "Hey, Mars, Mr Benjamin is running a little behind. So, he told me to tell you to go in and wait in his office. He'll be there as soon as he can."
I thank her and walk into his office. While sitting there, I'm playing with my Angel wings chain. I'm also looking around, and I realise Mr Benjamin's office is larger than my living room at home. I'd guess double the size. Aha, men and their need for huge things. Five minutes later, I jump when he enters, looking flustered.

"Well, hello, Mars. I'm sorry I'm a little late. The traffic around here is just crazy." He huffs, and I nod, agreeing. "It's been a while. How are you doing? Is the baby okay?" He's looking worried, checking me over.
"Yes, I'm fine. The baby is too," I tell him with a small smile.
He nods, relaxing the tension showing on his shoulders a little before he sits down. But, of course, I'm not one for beating around the bush, so I got to it.
"Mr Ben... Jeffery, why the hell didn't you tell me?"
He tilts his head, looking slightly confused. "Tell you what, Mars?" He asks, making me sigh.
"About my place, my new studio... Why didn't you tell me it was you who sold it to me?"
Silence greets me, and it pisses me off.
"Mr Benjamin? I'm pissed because, you know, I don't do handouts. Well, I like to make my own way! Otherwise, what's the point?"
Jeffrey takes a deep breath and then shook his head. "I'm sorry if I've upset you, Mars. I didn't intend to hurt you. I just wanted to help. Mrs Moffett told me who wanted to buy my old place, and I felt I had to help you." He sighed before carrying on.
"She told me how much you fell in love with it, and I wanted it to go to you. It would only sit and rot, not having anyone to look after it. It's a beautiful building, so it was only right it goes to a beautiful artistic person like yourself. I wanted it to go to the girl who I've watched grow into a strong woman. I wanted you to have it without payment, but I knew how proud you are. So I just had the price taken down a little."
I feel overwhelmed with all this new information, holding my hand to my head. But, unfortunately, old Mars rears her ugly head.
"A little. Don't you mean a fucking a lot?"
My hand flies to my mouth, and I've never sworn at him before. He looks pissed, too. Well, you and me both, Mr!
"Watch your tongue, Mars. I understand you're upset about this, but I didn't intentionally do this to hurt you. I just wanted to help you follow your dreams. It's the least I could do after everything that me and your Mo-"
Jeffrey abruptly stops, and I freeze at his words. I tilt my head, wondering what the hell he means.
"What do you mean, me and your what? What are you not telling me, Jeffery? This... What you've done is so beyond a gift. It's beyond just gifting a few hundred pounds. We're talking thousands here. Why would you do that? Why would you drop the price in exchange for a portrait drawn? And what would you want me to draw that could be worth that much? I don't understand. You gave me a job when I was desperate. You helped me with my ex, and you helped me with Mr Delaney. Now you're helping my best friend, but why? Why do all that? What makes me so special to deserve all that help?"
Jeffrey sighs and opens his desk drawer, pulling out a photo frame. He's looking at it with what looks like joy, pride, and sadness. He clears his throat and then stands up, walking over to his window and looking down at the busy traffic below, looking lost in thought.
"Please, tell me, why am I so deserving of all this special attention?" I ask and then watch as his shoulders sag in defeat.
"Mars, when your uncle Stephen got you a job here." He pauses and then turns to look at me.
"It wasn't him who wanted you here. It was me."
My eyebrows hit the roof, the air leaving my lungs. What the hell?
"I'd asked him. So, I made sure you got the job here."
"What, why? How did you even know about me?" Christ, my head hurts. "I don't understand, Jeffery. Why would you want me here?"
I watch as he takes a deep breath, and Adam's apple bobbed up and down when he swallowed. Eventually, he spoke.
"The picture I wanted you to draw for me. Well, it's something that I've had with me for a long time. I was lucky enough to get this picture taken one day while in town. Well, we didn't have phone cameras in those days, but luckily I brought a camera with me." He said with a sad grin before walking over, handing me the photo.
"It's priceless to me, so I would have given you the shop for free. I would if it meant there was just a chance that you'd be the one to draw it."
Looking down at the photo in my hands, I see it's him. He looks so young, maybe in his early twenties, but he's not the only one in the photo. He's holding a baby girl, judging by the little pink outfit she's wearing. The longer I look, I see she's got big blue-grey eyes and fair hair, just like mine. Feeling my stomach drop, I look up at him, and tears run down his face.
"Who is the baby? I don't understand. All of this still doesn't explain why you wanted me here."
He clears his throat as he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand as he tells me.
"She's my daughter."
I inhale a sharp breath, one I hadn't realised I was holding.
"Wow," I say, nodding my head. "She's pretty. I never knew you had a daughter."
"Yes. She's the most beautiful girl I've had the pleasure of knowing, the pleasure of watching grow."
"Where is she? How come she's never been here to see you?" I ask, puzzled. I've not seen anyone or heard of him having a daughter, and I've known him for a long time.
Jeffrey looks away, and I guess, trying to gather his thoughts, he eventually looks back at me.
"Mars, she has. She's been here a long time."
I watch his Adam's apple bob up and down again, and while he swallows another lump down in his throat, I'm shocked again when he says, "She's been here for about eleven years, in fact. She has become a beautiful woman.
I'm still looking at him, and I can't seem to look away.
"What? Eleven years where? Who is she? Do I know her?"
I'm firing all these unanswered questions. Jeffrey's still looking at me, and it's like he's pleading with me to understand what he's trying to say. Only I still don't understand. I look back down at the photo once again. What is he trying to tell me? Wait, no, I've been here for eleven years. He's been looking out for me. Oh, SHIT! My head snaps up to look at him again with wide eyes.
"No way! No fucking way! You can't be, I can't be!"
I need to get out of here. All of this cannot be happening. Jeffrey must see the panic in my eyes as they shoot towards the door. I'm ready to run, but he stops me.
"Mars, please let me explain. Just wait, don't run, okay? Please." He's practically begging me to hear him out. I sighed while shaking so much. I don't think I could run out of here if I tried. I nod, and in a small shaky voice, I tell him okay.
"This better be a good explanation, though. If it's not, believe me, I will lose my shit. I've had so much crap to deal with lately, and I don't think I can take anymore. It's not good for my baby or me!"
I'm pleading with him now. I'm close to breaking point too. I'm shaking so much, he sees this, and I watch him bring me a bottle of water from his mini-fridge. It's placed in my hand as he sits down next to me. He's sitting in the same chair Kayne had sat in. It's the same one he'd sat in that day when we came to see him about Mr Delaney. Then Jeffrey takes a deep breath before telling me how it all happened. He tells me about when he met my mother.
"I met your mother through your uncle Stephen. We were out in town one night, and your mother had shown up with a few of her friends. I remember looking at her and thinking, wow, she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. It was an instant attraction.
Mars, we both couldn't stop looking at each other. It was like my entire world shifted. No one else was in the room with us. It was like she was put on this earth for me. We chatted for a while, then she told me all about her family and that she was with your dad." He sighed, and I sat stunned. "I can't tell you how heartbroken I was to find this out. I knew she was made for me. We went our separate ways, and honest to God, I tried to get her out of my head, but I just couldn't. I couldn't let her go.
One night, I went back to the bar hoping she would be there. She was, and it was like I could breathe again. When I saw her sitting in her booth, it was like she sensed me. She looked right into my eyes. Mars, we couldn't stop. We tried so hard, but we just couldn't. We were together for about two months before your dad found out about us. He ended up kicking her out with nowhere to go.
I moved her in with me, and we were only living together for a few weeks when we found out she was pregnant with you. She fell into a depression because she couldn't live without her daughters. I guess she couldn't live with the guilt of leaving them. So, one day, I came home to find her gone. Your mother went back to your dad. He wouldn't let the girls live with her, and she didn't want to pull them away from him. She said the only way was for her to go back to him taking you with her.
Your dad kept me away. I tried to be in your life Mars. I did, but one day when I saw how happy you were with your sisters and him, I couldn't keep hurting you all. So, I did the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, and I stayed away.
As always, I watched from afar. But, please, never think I wasn't there. Mars, I was always there. I was always watching over you. I also sent money to you. I sent it to your mother, but she made me stop after a while, saying that it was causing a lot of grief with her and your dad. Until the day your uncle told me about you and what you wanted to do with your life. He doesn't know you're my daughter, so I just said I'll give you a job to help make it happen. My God, Mars, the first day you entered this building, my world was brightened again. I could breathe a little easier just knowing you were only down the hall from me. Just knowing I could make your life a little easier meant so much to me." Holy shit, I can't believe this is nuts.
"Why didn't my mother say anything about me working here? Did she not try to stop it from happening? Or even my dad? Did he not kick-off?"
Jeffrey sighs and then huffs a small laugh, telling me she did.
"I'd pleaded with her just to let me help you, and I told her I wouldn't tell you who I was. As for your dad, he didn't know I owned the company. He thought you were just working with your uncle Stephen. Sadly, he passed away by the time you moved up to secretarial work, so he never found out about you working for me. I wanted to do this for you. Mars, even if it meant you'd never find out who I was. I needed this to rest my heart.
Please don't blame your mother. She did this for you and your sisters. She didn't want your lives upset, so unfortunately for me, she chose to stay with him. I can't fault him at all. He raised an amazing young woman. I'm just sad it wasn't me who got to do that with you, and for that, I'm sorry, genuinely sorry."
"I don't get it. If the problem was my dad, why didn't you tell me after he died?"
Jesus, it's hurting my head.
He sighs again when I ask him this, and I can't help but sigh.
"I saw how broken you were over it, sweetheart. I didn't want to add any more heartache. I was going to tell you, but it got harder every time I tried. Then you had all that mess with your ex to deal with, then your grandfather. I knew if I told you, then you couldn't handle it."
"But, why now? Why tell me now?"
"Well, aside from you figuring it out, it was me who sold you the old office. I know you're ready. Mars, I see how strong you are. You've been through all that and still come out the other side, tougher and stronger than ever. I know you can handle this, especially with Kayne by your side. I know you can handle this."
I huff a laugh and tell him, "Kayne isn't exactly in the right place right now to help me with any of my issues."
"Why? Is he okay?" Jeffrey asked.
"I don't know. Ever since we came back from Italy, he's just not been the same. I'm scared I'm losing him."
A sob left my chest. I'm trying to find some strength to talk.
"Listen, Mars, I don't know what's happened, but what I do know is that boy loves the bones of you. I can only assume it's something else and nothing to do with you or your relationship. If he's anything like his father, I'm sure he'll be okay soon. Just give him time to sort his head out. I'm sure that he'll come back to you when he's ready."
I can feel my tears now. They're rolling down my face. I have to close my eyes when he wipes them away with his thumb as he speaks again.
"Mars, if it's not too much to ask, would you let me try to make it up to you? I know I can't ever take the place of your dad, but I guess what I'm asking... well, could you maybe find it in your heart to let me try being a part of your life now?" He asks with trepidation.
He's holding onto my hands, clinging onto them for dear life. So after taking a deep breath, I take a long exhale. I mean, he's done everything he could do to help me. Not only that, but to see me. I have grown quite fond of him over the years, so I guess I can try.
Oh, I'll be having words with my mother about this. No wonder she's never been right. The guilt must be ripping her apart. Okay, I think I can do this. I can give him a chance, can't I? But, oh god, I hope I'm doing the right thing here. Taking a deep breath, I nod my head, and I can't help but feel overwhelmed when his face lights up.
"Really? Are you sure? I don't want you feeling pressured, and we can take it slow. Mars, this would mean the world to me. I've waited so long to have this with you," Jeffrey said, with tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Yes, I'm sure. I'd like to get to know you a little better. I guess I've always felt a connection to you, but I always thought it was just because of you helping me. I guess now I know it was more than that, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess so. Thank you, Mars, thank you for giving me a chance. It honestly means the world to me," Jeffrey says with a smile.
However, I'm still puzzled about him, and my mother throwing away a love like that is crazy.
"Why didn't you ever go to my mother after my dad died? I mean, not right away; that would be just wrong, but it's been a long time since he passed. So why didn't you try to see her again? If you both knew you were both meant to be together, why didn't you try getting her back?"
"Well, I guess my pride got the better of me." He huffs out. "I truly wanted to, but the opportunity, well, it never came up. I've been so busy running this place that I've never made time to start anything with anyone, not since her."
He takes a shuddering breath. I can see how much this hurts him, making me swallow a lump down.
"I'm no saint, Mars, but no one had ever made me feel the way your mother did. I loved her so much. Well, I guess. I guess I still do."
I hold my hand to my stomach, feeling sad that both of them have been so unhappy all that time.
"My heart breaks for you. But make no mistake here, I doted on my dad. Yet knowing all this, I'm pretty pissed off. I'm pissed off with you all for making me miss out on getting to know my biological father. It wasn't right that you all kept this from me. Knowing this would all come out one day. It's wrong. I can't promise things will be okay because I just don't know. But I'll try."
"I am so sorry, Mars. I didn't want this. I didn't want this to end up this way. We thought it would be good for you to have a normal life with your sisters. I'll do my best to make this up to you, I promise."
After blowing out a sigh, I nodded my head. Then, finally, I told him I needed to go sort all this out in my head, and I needed to go pick up Braden from school.
"I will try. I'd like you to at least try to be a part of my baby's life. I mean, only because you'd missed out on so much of mine, I wouldn't want the same for my baby. I guess your grandchild."
As I watch his face light up with so much pride, I can't help myself from forming a small smile on my face.
"Thank you, Mars. That would mean so much to me. You have no idea, and I promise I won't let you down."
I reach over and hug him, to which he clings to me for dear life. But, oh gosh, he's shaking. I pull back and give him another small smile. I told him I'd see him soon.
"Most definitely, sweetheart," Jeffrey says and then ends it by placing a kiss on the top of my head. I leave him to it because if I stay any longer, I'm going to lose whatever sanity I have left.
This is too much information to take in on one bloody day. I was going to see my mother, but I think I'll wait till I can get it sorted in my head first. If that's even possible. I call Shell because I cannot pick Braden up like this. He'll ask questions I can't answer, and I need to sort this out before answering anyone's questions.
Jumping in my car, I head straight to the beach. Kayne won't look for me because he's too lost in his head right now. Trust me; he won't even know what day it is, never mind where I am. The beach is where I'll be able to breathe, at least for a little while. Then, hopefully, I can try to sort out what's left of my fucked-up life.

***

SHELL:
After hanging up the phone to Mars, I head to Mrs Mills' classroom. I need to get a message to Braden. I need him to meet me after school because Mars had to meet with Mr Benjamin. She sounded pretty freaked if I'm honest. I asked if everything was okay, but she said she'd fill me in later when she found out for herself. Mars mentioned something about the shop. Oh, I can't wait to hear this story. I'm guessing it has something to do with Mr Benjamin.
"Hi, honey. How did your day go?" I asked Braden as he got into my car.
"It was okay, I guess. I didn't get bothered by Anthony. He's left me alone all day since Mars told him off."
"What? Oh my God, what did she do? Oh gosh, I hope she didn't go too far."
He chuckles, telling me all about it.
"The other kids were teasing him about getting told off by a girl. You should have seen her, Shell. She was so cool. She'd even pretended we were making plans to go see AC-DC. It was so funny. Could you imagine if we went? That would be so cool."
"Yeah, I guess it would be cool."
Bloody hell, Mars! I hope this doesn't come back and bite us in the arse. Hmm, I wonder if I could get tickets for him. I mean, he does really like the band, and I bet Kayne and Dean would like to go too? I'll chat with Dean because Brade's birthday is coming up soon. So, it would be a cool present for him. I need to find out if they're touring now.
"Okay, well, we need to get back home to get you fed and changed. We need to see Jane about your adoption, and Dean should be home soon."
"Ooh, can we have lasagne for tea? Pleeeease?"
I can't stop my smile from spreading across my face. Braden asks to make it all the time. He can eat it for fun. Hell, I'm surprised he's not sick of it yet.
"I'm sure we can manage that. I think there is some leftover from last night's tea."
"Woo-Hoo, let's hope D hasn't eaten it."
I nod, agreeing with him. It's because it's his favourite. I also need to get another appointment with Mr Benjamin after tonight. I need to discuss our next move after we've been to see Jane. It's been over a month now, and I've heard nothing from her. I know she's busy with other cases, but this is torturous. I mean, no news is good news, right? So I guess it means longer with Braden before they decide if we can keep him with us or not.
As I place my handbag on the coffee table, I tell Brade to change while I heat the lasagne. While it's heating, my thoughts wander off to my husband. Wow, it feels good to say that, and it feels great when I hear people at school call me Mrs Headley. Oh, my. You have no idea how that makes me feel. It just feels fantastic because he's amazing. I don't think I've ever loved someone so much in my life and our wedding night made me love him more-a hell of a lot more.
When we eventually made it to our room that night, Dean guided me to the bed, placing a gentle kiss on my lips.
"So, what's my surprise, Mr Headley?"
Dean grinned sexily, making his eyes shine so brightly, they freaking sparkled with mischief.
"Patience Angel, let me get this dress off your beautiful body first. I need to see all of you. As much as I fucking love seeing you in this dress, I want to see what's mine even more."
Dean turns me around so he can unzip the base of my dress. He does this so slowly it makes me shiver when I feel his fingers touch my skin.
"I'm so in love with this ink," he says as he moves his hands up my spine and over my wings. Then he carried on up and over my shoulders.
Once there, he removes my dress from my arms. I feel it as it shimmers down my body until it hits the floor. My husband places soft kisses from the top of my spine, working his way down.