FINDING MY KING

Chapter 51

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

SHELL:
As we walk upstairs to my room, I can't help but wring my clammy hands together. I'm nervous as hell because this is big stuff for me, and this secret. But I have to tell him, and it could either make us or break us. I just hope to Jesus Christ; it's not the latter. Only, I've had faith since Benson told me he wouldn't run. So, I have to cling to that; otherwise, I won't recover if he runs for the hills.
Dean opens the door to my room, and as we enter, I see that his bags are in here. What the hell? I turn back to look at him and ask when he'd moved in. He chuckles, telling me as soon as he'd got in his room. He just turned and walked straight back out again, with bags in hand.
Apparently, there was no fucking way. Sorry, his words, not mine. He wasn't spending another minute apart. Bless him.
So here we are, in our room. Dean's made himself comfortable on the bed, looking like a god with all his muscles on display. Gosh, ladies. Did I mention he has an eight pack? And with his ink Oh, my days.
Stop it, Shell! You've things to get off your chest, remember?
Clearing my throat, I tell him my story of when Ashton Williams turned me into the woman I am today. The woman with the voice of doubt and self-hate stuck in her head. The woman who finds it hard to trust or open up what's going on in her head. Only when it gets too much to cope with, it explodes from her.

"About five years ago, something happened. It's something that's pretty much changed my way of life. I had come home from a hard day at work. We were having a baking week, so you can imagine the place was a mess. Kids aren't tidy when it comes to flour, sugar, and eggs.
I was so stressed out I fancied popping in to see Mars. I hadn't seen her in a while because she was with Ashton. He kept her away from everyone. Whenever anyone was around her, he would keep her by his side, never letting go. We warned her there was something sinister about him, but you know, Mars, she's stubborn.
She wouldn't listen, and she refused to see it. Yet this one day, I thought I'd go see her and surprise her with a visit from little old me. I'd brought with me a bottle of red for her and, of course, vodka for myself.
So, when I knocked on the door, I heard the music. It'd taken a few attempts for anyone to answer, but eventually, the door opened, and there he was, Ashton.
You could see he was off his face on something, but I pushed it aside. I asked for Mars, and he said she wasn't home yet, but she'll be back soon. He told me I could wait. He assured me she wouldn't be too long. So, I did. I waited for her to come home all the while he sat across from me, drinking Jack from the bottle.
Then he started asking me strange questions, personal questions. Like, am I seeing anyone? Do I have a fuck-buddy? Intimate things, things your best friend's boyfriend shouldn't be asking. So naturally, I felt super uncomfortable. My leg twitched. I needed to leave because it's too weird for me. Mars is my best friend, and he shouldn't be asking me crap like that. Finally, he asked me if I wanted a drink, and I told him no.
I told him I was just going to go and that I'll see Mars another time. I just wanted to get out of there. I really shouldn't have been there." My voice cracks, so I take a deep breath and carry on.
"The way he was looking at me, it was like he was staring right through me like he couldn't see anything but something to eat. Like he wanted me, but it wasn't 'nice' wanting me. His face turned pure evil. I needed to get out. I stood up to leave, but he stopped me, asking what my rush was and Mars will be back any minute.
I didn't want to wait any longer, so I moved to the door. Only now, Ashton stood up and stopped me by grabbing my arm. He pulled me against him, and I could see he wasn't in the room. The drugs and the drink had utterly mixed in with his crazy fucked up head.
He said, "What's your hurry, pretty lady? I have something for you, something I think you'll like, so I insist you stay bitch."
I look away from the floor to the window, readying myself to tell him more.
Be strong, Shell.
"I tried to get out of his hold. I truly did. I fought with everything I had in me just to get away from him. Yet, it wasn't enough. He was six-three and full of power. Ashton bastarding Williams was too powerful for me. Dean, h-he dragged me over to the sofa. I tried. I tried so hard to get him off me, but I couldn't. H-he raped me... Ashton raped me."
Eventually, I break down. I break in front of the love of my life, just hoping he wouldn't run from me. I hope he doesn't run, especially after hearing how broken I am. Along with how disgusting I am. How tainted I am because of Ashton Williams!
Dean's holding me in his arms, and I'm in bits as he pulls me to him. He's stopping me from shattering into a million pieces.
"It felt like forever. I just wanted Ashton to stop, but just as I was about to give up hope that someone would save me from him. That's when his friend walked in on him, and he dragged him off me. He told him it's wrong, and he shouldn't be doing that. Well, his friend was courageous in doing that because of Ashton's crazy.
Everyone did as he said. No one questioned him, but Sid made sure he couldn't get to me again. He helped me and pulled me away from the evil bastard. Sid took me home but never said a word. He didn't need to because he knew what Ashton was like.
Before Sid got me out, Ash threatened me. He told me that if I told anyone, he'd kill me, Mars, and everyone I knew. Ashton said he'd kill Mars' nieces and nephew too and that he'd burn them all alive. The evil bastard also said he'd do the same to Mars' sisters what he'd done to me if I breathed a word to anyone. He would make sure everyone suffered, and I believed him, Dean, he's so fucked up. I just knew he'd follow through on his threat."
I'm looking into his eyes now, tears streaming down my face. He wipes them with the back of his thumb, and I see he has tears in his eyes, which breaks me even more. He says my name, only to pause, trying to say more, but he had to clear his throat.
"I'm so sorry you went through that. Fucking hell. I knew it had to be something bad, but I never imagined this. Fuck! Shell, I'm going to kill him. I swear to the heavens I'm going to kill him. He needs to pay." I shake my head frantically while telling him no.
"No, Dean, you can't because then you'll go to prison. I'll never have you with me again, and that's a fate-worse-than-death for me. I couldn't go on if you weren't with me. I need you with me forever." He pulls me to him, shushing me, trying to soothe me, telling me it'll be okay, he's not going anywhere.
"I've got you, Angel, I've got you. No fucker will hurt you ever again, baby. I love you. I love you so fucking much."
He pulls back again to stand up, picking me up off the floor. Then he carries me to the bed so we can lie down together. Once, we're side-by-side with his arm under my head, holding me in. He gently holds my neck with his free hand, his thumb on my cheek, caressing it. That's when he moves in and softly places a kiss on my lips, my cheeks, and then my eyes. Kissing my pain away, telling me he loves me and no one will ever hurt me again. That he will protect me, he'll forever protect me and love me until we reach the heavens. Even then, we'll still be together.
My blue didn't run, my blue stayed by my side and then we'd made love soon after. Gosh, he was perfect. It was excellent, and he was so gentle in making love to me. I even cried happy tears.
I felt so content, happy. Dean fixed every broken bone in my body and made me whole again. I've never felt this whole in my life. It's like I felt free again. Free from the mental torture of my head. Free because he knows, and he's not running. He's staying by my side, telling me never to keep anything locked up inside ever again. To tell him about all my fears, dreams, he needs to know everything. I told him about the voice of doubt that's been in my head since then, but every time I'm with him, she's gone.
She left me alone.