Fools

Part 22

First Day back at University, Cate's p.o.v;

I woke up and turned to hit the snooze on my phone alarm, it's 7:15 and class starts at 8. I sighed and watched the ceiling fan spin around before I turned, Sydney didn't come back to the dorm last night and she wasn't here when I got back. I never spoke back to her after the last text so I never even told her I was coming back last night. Joe's right though, I definitely need to try to see about making some new friends even if it is just one. I felt my phone vibrate once again.

From: my cup of joe<3
'i hope you have a wonderful first day back, i'll be thinking of you today. i love you'

I smiled so hard it hurt as I held my phone close to my chest. I miss him so much already, Joe is literally my safe haven, when I'm with him life freezes in time. I definitely need that right now.

To: my cup of joe<3
'thank you my love, i will try not to miss you too much;) i love you forever.'

I locked my phone and got up from bed, I decided to do my hair first. I split my hair in half leaving my frame pieces out & began twisting each side into a twist braid with a space bun down on each side. Picking out my outfit I put on some jeans and brown tank-top with a light brown cardigan over it. I grabbed my black converse platforms and sat back down on my bed. As I began to put on my shoes Sydney came through the door.

"Whoa it's like a just seen a ghost or something, I'm sorry who are you?" She laughed hysterically, she sounds like she's still drunk. "I thought I'd never see you again buddy."
"Yeah, it's me, I have returned. Um, so are you okay? Class starts in about 20 minutes, aren't you going?" I asked her and she rolled her eyes, she scoffs.
"I guess so, I just need to throw up first." She held her hand up to her mouth and ran to the bathroom. I shook my head, I finished tying my shoes & grabbed my bag, keys & phone.
"I'll just see you there then." I said and left the dorm room.

I began walking through campus, I felt myself start to shake and my heart starting beating fast. I sighed to calm myself, I stopped & put my headphones into my ears playing utopia by lykke li, I exhaled once more and kept walking. I got this, I know I do, just keep going.
I got to class at 7:55 and was able to sit relatively by myself, people were still arriving which means I had time for one more song. I put on you by the 1975 and started taking out my notebook and grabbed a pen, I wrote today's date on the page, september 22nd, 2022.
I looked at the clock and saw it was 8, still no Sydney but I need to stop being worried about her, I can't be her babysitter and watch out for her when I can't say she'd do the same at this moment. I'm glad no one has said anything to me since I got here or even walking through, I'm feeling so relieved at this second.

After first class;

To: my cup of joe<3
'my goodness that was actually the most boring class i've ever been to. and it's only the first one :'( how is your day going?'

my cup of joe<3
'lol yup, only 3 more classes today, you got it. mine's going good, i went over to zo & alfie's to film a video with them. we're going to lunch here in a bit. miss you'

me
'oh shush, i'm literally so jelly of you guys. save me a plate! haha, miss you. love you guys.'

I decided to head back to the dorm until my next class, I have an hour before I need to head back. Once I reached the dorm and walked in, Sydney was passed out on her bed. I dropped my bag and sat next to her side, she turned over and looked at me.

"Oh sorry, I thought you were sleeping." I told her.
"I was, but I heard you come in." She got up and sat next to me. "Cate, I just really want to you know that I'm sorry. I've gotten so out of control recently, Rob and I broke up again & then Scott was telling everyone he slept with you and I was jealous so I assumed it was true. I should've believed you, or even asked you what happened before I acted like a total bitch. I should have been more involved with you than myself and ever since you left I haven't went a night without drinking, partying, I started hooking up with guys I met there at them and I just feel so ashamed." I was taking in everything she said, I don't even know what to say.
"I accept your apology like I said Syd, it wasn't your fault things happened the way they did."
"I know but I could've stopped it or said something or something I don't know ugh, everyday I think of something I could've done."
"Syd you couldn't have done anything, you were passed out drunk in the backseat, I was almost as drunk as you, I couldn't have even stopped it." I told her.
"But Cate, you didn't deserve that seriously and it's fucked up."
"I know. I still feel like I'm washing him off of me."
"Can I ask? Like what happened? You don't to have to tell me, I know it's hard." I felt my heart starting beating fast again.
"No it's fine, um actually let's just talk about something else, eventually I'll tell you. I just don't want to relive that moment right this second."
"I totally get it. When and if you're ready, I'll be here for you." She wrapped her arms around me & kissed my cheek.
"Enough about me though, what's going on with you? You were never like this before Syd." I began, she looked down in sadness.
"I know..ever since you left and I found out the truth, I've just been blaming myself for ways I could've helped and the only thing that shuts my mind off of it is drinking my feelings away." She told me, I sighed.
"And what about the guys?" I asked, she pulled away.
"I don't know. I guess I'm just so fucking upset about Rob that I needed an escape with him too. I'm so tired of never being enough for him and the guys that I've been with lately, they appreciate me and wanted me from the beginning so it was hard to turn it down." She told me, I held her hand and put her head on my shoulder. I felt so bad, all this time I was over there hating Sydney for not believing me and that's valid because she really didn't, but the whole time I was dealing with my demons, she was dealing with her own.
"I'm sorry Syd, after I felt like you didn't believe me or even hear what I had to say, it was like I was going to force myself to be distant from you that I couldn't fully trust you when I came back. But I didn't know you were going through all of this." She picked her head up and smiled at me.
"It's okay Cate, don't worry. I'm just glad we were able to talk about things, I know it helped." She said, I smiled back.
"It did, I'm glad too. Come on though, get ready for this next class, you're not missing this one." She sighed then we both laughed. I smiled to myself as I saw her grab her clothes, we needed this talk and I'm happy it happened, but I can't fully tell if I can trust her just yet.
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