Fools

Part 36

2 and a half weeks later, joe's pov ;

So it's been quite a bit since everything got resolved. I'm doing better, I went cold turkey on drinking and I've started seeing a counselor every week to help with any urges, Zoe attends the meetings with me here and there for support. I've cut off Hailey completely, that party life and her being in my life was too chaotic and almost triggering to my mental health. She was not happy whatsoever, but I felt totally numb to her feelings on it cause it's not about her. I'm still in touch with Cate and Lilah, more Lilah than anything. We've gotten to be really good friends over these last couple of weeks and she fills me in on what her and Cate are up to more than Cate does haha. But I'm not too worried, Cate and I both need space from each other even if that means we barely talk, it's better this way so we can truly gather ourselves.

Really my main focus though is really trying to find something to do to occupy me when I'm not with anyone or talking to my counselor, Cate would always come up with our plans, Caspar and Ollie have been out of town for the last week doing things for their videos. Oh, yeah I also forgot to mention that I no longer do YouTube videos, social media has gotten pretty toxic for me recently so I'm taking a break. I was invited, but I decided not to go. Then Zoe & Alfie are busy with wedding stuff. In a way though I'm totally okay with this solitude of being by myself which I couldn't do before. It's Tuesday currently, I'm laying in my bed in my room. I can feel the warmth of the sun shining through my window, I'm scrolling through Facebook, I stumbled on a facebook post that Cate had shared, she confirmed she was in a relationship on her status. I felt my stomach drop just a little. I'm trying so hard to be happy for her and Lilah, especially now that I'm close to Lilah but I just can't stop thinking about the last kiss we had. Part of me wishes we did more one last time then just kiss, but that's overdoing boundaries hella, but I just wish I could've felt her one more time. And I couldn't live with knowing I left her as she had cheated on Lilah now because of it. Who knows when we will get back together or if we ever will, I'm hopeful though because all I want is her but I know I can't be the person she has right now. She deserves better than what I could even give her at this point in time. I hearted the status, I saw Lilah was tagged, I friend requested her then I sighed before locking my phone. I'm learning to just let things be at this point, it's out of my control now.

I laid there for just a little while longer before getting up. I walked into my bathroom, wiping my face and eyes when I felt my phone buzz.

from; zoe :P
'hey, how are you doing? alfie and i will be back in town later this week if you wanted to come over and hangout? do you see your counselor this week? i love youu'
from; lilah :)
'hii, how have you been doing joe? cate told me caspar and ollie were out of town, do you have anything planned for the time being? we've been thinking of you :)'

Everyday I usually get these texts, that's resorting back to feeling good about the fact that everyone still checks in on me whenever they can.

response to zoe:
'hey yeah i'm doing alright. yeah that sounds nice, just let me know whenever you guys are back. and i do yeah, i see him thursday this week. if you're back in town by then, you're welcome to come:) love you too.'
response to lilah:
'hey, thanks for checking in. yeah everyone's out of town currently it seems lol, nothing planned as of right now. i'm waiting for zoe to come back into town to get around :P. how are you and cate? i saw you guys confirmed status on facebook lol.'

My phone buzzed again a couple of seconds after I sent the texts out.

from; lilah :)
'oh okay, you saw that? is that okay? we don't want to do anything that would make you feel a certain type of way. it's only facebook official lol, not reality official. we have just been getting people in our inboxes meddling so we put it on there. we're doing good :) we have semester exams coming up here soon, so i guess that'll keep us busy.'