Fools

Part 59

a couple of weeks later, cate's pov;

I had woken up to my phone ringing, it was Joe. I stared at it for a second, wondering if I should answer now or just call him back later. It rang for a few before I just decided to answer it. I sighed.

c; 'hello?'
j; 'hey, sorry did i wake you?'
c; 'uh, no. kinda. what's up?'
j; 'geez cate, it's 1 in the afternoon and you're still sleeping?'
c; 'anywaysss?' i pushed on.
j; 'anyways! um so i was just calling to see when you and caspar were coming to get me today?'
c; 'i don't know joe. i didn't know that was happening today.'
j; 'we were just talking about it at the beginning of the week, you already don't remember?'
c; 'my mind's all over the place.' i lied, i honestly don't remember and couldn't think right now.
j; 'oh okay. well um, i'll just call caspar and see when. you're coming with him right?'
c; 'yeah.'
j; 'okay.. well i'll see you soon then?'
c; 'yeah.'
j; 'alright. well i love you.'
c; 'i love you.' i hung up after that. i sighed to myself before pulling out another baggy from my bed-side table.

I haven't been seeing Kira as much recently besides when she comes by to drop off what I need. I've been trying to be at home more to not raise anymore suspicion with Casp. I started setting up my lines again when I heard my door knob turn. I quickly hurried and set my tray, the bag, all my shit in the drawer of the table. Caspar walked in just in-time.

"Hey." He peeked over the door.
"Hi. You can come in, you know." I said with a soft smile. He came over and sat next to me, I shuffled my blankets around to see if I left anything behind before he sat down.
"So, Joe's coming back home for a bit, you hear?" He asked, I nodded.
"Yeah. We've been talking about it for a while. He also just called me, he's coming today?"
"He sure is. I just wanted to come and make sure you were coming with me to get him."
"Wouldn't want it any other way." I said sarcastically, he smiled.
"Okay, well we leave in about a half hour, that okay?" I nodded. "Cool." He patted my shoulder and smiled faintly before exiting my room. I sighed again and ran my fingers through my hair.

Once I knew he was gone, I pulled my tray back out, did the lines I already had out before getting up to go and get ready. I instantly felt ready to take on what we had to do today, it hurts deep down to know I'm getting dependent but I can't help it and I wish I didn't fucking think so much about what I'm doing. I have remorse but shit, I just need to get by so just fuck talking about it. I started the water and made sure it was really warm, almost hot, I felt cold. I stared at myself in the mirror, I had really dark circles under my eyes and I'm constantly sniffling and rubbing. Nothing a little behavioral adjustment and makeup can't fix before I'm around Joe again for the first time since the thing with Lilah. Once I finished getting ready and making myself look relatively normal, I met Caspar in the living room and shortly after, we left to go and get Joe.

lilah's pov;

"Ugh my god. That was the worst exam ever!" Sydney said as she bumped into me on the side, we continued walking together. I had just left my first exam and I have 3 left throughout the next two days, each exam takes about 2 hours and dude it's seriously the longest tests ever I've ever taken in my entire life.
"Tell me about it."
"How was yours?" She asked, I sighed.
"It was the worst! Duh!" I said sarcastically, we both laughed. "No but it was alright I guess, I think I did okay. Just ready to get these fucking exams over with and begin the journey of the best summer ever."
"Sorry I asked." She laughed.
"Did you ever figure out what you're going to be doing this summer? I still really wish you could come with, but like I said it was Ashton's planning and-"
"Yeah I know." She cut me off. "But no. I haven't yet."
"So going to Ethan's with his parents is a no go?"
"It's not but I just don't know if that's what I'd want to be doing." She told me.
"Come on, spending the summer with your rich boyfriend at his luxury house that literally looks like a vacation home but it's his actual home? I mean think about the trips you guys might take this summer."
"Yeah, sounds great." She said in monotone.
"Are you good? Well really I should say, are you guys good?" I asked, she nodded.
"Yeah. He's great, he's awesome, amazing. I just don't think I'm deserving of that. Or if I'm deserving of him."
'Well of course you are. You're equally great, awesome and amazing. You deserve each other, he's good to you." I told her, she smiled faintly but it instantly went away.
"I just have a lot of things on my mind, I'm confused." She said, I gazed over at her for a second then looked back straight ahead.
"What? Do you think you don't really have strong feelings for him anymore?" She shrugged.
"Like I do. I do really care about him, and I like him a lot."
"So then what's the problem?" I asked her, she sighed. There was a moment of silence before she spoke again.
"Nothing. There's no problem." I looked at her again and shot her a frown. "Listen, I'll catch up with you okay? I should probably go get ready for my next exam. Can't have an amazing summer if I don't pass huh?" She laughed, I nodded and smiled faintly. She waved bye before walking away. Sydney and I haven't really talked much since my birthday, it kind of sucks honestly even though we talked about everything that night. I understood where she was coming from about distancing us and focusing more on our feelings that lie with our relationships, but I didn't think it'd mean that our conversations would be cut short every time we have one. And not only that, but she didn't even know for sure if she had feelings or vice versa, so why does it have to be weird at this point in time? Honestly I'm just not sure how I feel about any of it. I'm just ready to get to summer and forget about everything that happened this year, start fresh and then have an even fresher start for senior year. I don't know how I feel about her either, but sometimes I just need my best friend.