Fools

Part 50

lilah's pov;

I woke up the next morning and I instantly turned to see if Cate was still asleep in bed. Last night just confused the hell out of me now that I think of it. I care about Cate, I do but I know how I feel and I just don't think she can accept that. I'm just so confused on how to even help her now, I'm staying over yes but that doesn't mean that we have to do stuff like that. Maybe Sydney was right about not coming..

I hurried and grabbed some things before heading out of the room, it's 9am currently and Caspar's not awake either. I knew they Caspar's keys that he had left on the dining table so I grabbed them hoping a house key would be on there, then walked out of the front door. It was chilly out, of course, but good thing I managed to grab a cardigan I had packed. I wrapped it around me and crossed my arms as I walked. I put an airpod in my ear and put one of my playlists on shuffle. I passed by a park as I was walking down the street, some kids were playing, people were biking, running, the usual. I kept sighing to myself and I could feel my heart ache with sadness the more I kept walking. This whole thing is just so mind boggling and stressful just on anyone involved. All I want to do is talk to my sister, but I haven't talked to her in at least almost 2 years, she's probably forgotten me by now. With her new life in the US and the job she has, friends, relationship, I know there's no time for me and I wouldn't want to talk to her about my problems especially after 2 years of us not talking. I'm down bad but not that down bad. I laughed to myself. And I can't let her think that either, that I only talk to her when something's wrong or I need something, I don't want to be that sister. But I miss her and I just feel like I have no one right about now. Ashton wouldn't get it and frankly, I don't want to go ruining another relationship when it's one that I want to work out. Sydney, yeah we're friends, we're close don't get me wrong but she wouldn't understand this situation given the situation before this. 

I'm just so ready to graduate already even though we haven't even entered senior year sadly. Just a few more months though and I can go on a holiday, I'll probably go and see my sister to be honest. If she'd even let me... I looked down at my phone to change the song and noticed the date. My birthday's on Monday. I wonder what I'm even going to do or if I'm even going to feel up to celebrating, my world has just been 'eh' lately. I just kind of can't wait to go back to University, things are already too much here. I continued walking for a little bit longer before I got a text from Cate.

from; catebug <3
'hey where'd you go? are you okay?'

I rolled my eyes and sighed a little before I responded.

response to cate:
'yeah, i'm fine. i just went out for a little.'

c; 'was it something i did?' like she doesn't know ??
l; 'no.'
c; 'i know you're lying.'
l; 'okay? then why did you even ask?'
c; 'i'm sorry. i'd take it back if i could..'
l; 'it's fine cate. just idk.'
c; 'huh?'
l; 'i just don't feel like you realize what you're doing.'
c; 'i do..'
l; 'no cate. you don't. like at this point you're just toying with everyone's feelings. i still care about you as a friend so don't think that i'll just be able to cut you off just like that. but you have to stop messing with me like this.'
c; 'i'm sorry ly. i am. i just couldn't help myself, i needed it so badly you have no idea but i just didn't think about how it could have made you feel even though you went along with it. i should've asked if it was okay.'
l; 'i said no cate, i told you i couldn't but you knew i wouldn't say no to you.'
c; 'i'm sorry..'
l; 'it's just not okay cate, okay? i'm going to stay the rest of the time i was originally going to, but there just has to be some boundaries. i may not be officially dating ashton, but i want to. and i'm not letting anything ruin it. last night was just to help you out, i can't continue it.'
c; 'i understand. i'll do anything to make you stay, i wouldn't want you to leave over the mistake i made.'
l; 'i know.'
c; 'when are you coming back?'
l; 'i'm turning around right now.'
c; 'okay, i'll see you in a bit.'