Fools

Part 60

the next morning, cate's pov;

Joe had slept in my room with me last night, no we didn't do anything. He wanted to but I just couldn't bring myself to and I hope he's not upset with me because of it. He's my boyfriend and I love him, I wanted to too but I'm holding this big secret from him and I feel disgusting with it. I can't help my addiction and I only make it worse for myself by not asking for help but I know Joe isn't the right person to ask for help. Or is he? I don't know but still, I just can't tell him, not yet.

I logged onto my laptop to check my schooling, I haven't been on in quite a while and I need to catch up. So why not do it while Joe's here? I went to check my email and saw I had an email from Mrs.Raine.

'Edith Raine
End of Year Remarks.

Dear Catherine and family,
As we all know, today marks the last day of exams and the end of term. We have noticed some inactivity from you that we have been monitoring for quite a while. We have come to a decision with the board that you will not be finishing this semester on this term, which means you are very well behind and unfortunately will not be graduating with your class next term, as I'm sure this comes to no surprise to you. But we do have a program that we provide to help with students in this situation. This program will offer the ability to make up equivalency credits in order to earn back the semester you have missed. We understand that there may be some underlying issues that we have not been notified about, but we like to help our students succeed in anyway we can. This program is offered through the summer and will start a week after exams are over and the term has ended. It will end the first week before the next term begins in order for you to be established for the new term. If this is something you are willing to do, please return this email. There is also the option of not completing this program and unfortunately, doing the entire term over which will put your graduation year back by one. If you would not like to return as a student and have decided other affairs, we would also like to be notified so we can send forth a opting-out form.

Hope to hear from you soon.
Edith Raine.'

My jaw dropped. I was honestly shook about what I just read, she's right it comes with no surprise but I really didn't think it would put me that far behind by taking some time off to pursue...other things but still. I re-read the email over and over again. I went to click on her information when I saw she included CASPAR IN THE EMAIL!!! Oh fuck, fuck. I tossed my laptop to the side and started pacing around my room. No, no, no, no. He could not find out about this, oh my god he's going to be pissed at me, and I mean pissed. He thought I was doing it this entire time and if he reads this, fuckk me dude. Ugh. I have to go and see if he read it yet. My thing is has he been talking to her this whole time, I just didn't know? Oh no this could be so bad. I thought hard about what I wanted to do next. I opened my table drawer and stared at my stash, thinking of whether or not I should have some sort of relief before talking to Caspar. But then again, Joe could walk in at any second. I quickly grabbed the tray and went into my bathroom, locking the door behind me. I hurried and set my shit up, I did 2 lines before releasing a giant exhale. "Ahh." I said as I tilted my head back. I sniffled and rubbed my nose before leaning up against the sink and staring at myself in the mirror. I thought for a while how this conversation is going to go and I kept thinking that maybe I'm just overthinking it. I heard my door open, I still had one more line on the tray, I took it all really quick before shoving the tray underneath the bathroom sink. I instantly felt so much better, it's going to be such a bitch whenever I try to quit this. I took a couple deep breaths before walking back into my room, Joe was sitting on my bed.

"Hey there." He said with a smile, he turned to face me and held out his arms.
"Hi." I walked over to him and went in for the hug. He held me by my waist and I started running my fingers through his hair. "Where'd you go off to this morning?" I asked, he let go and I moved to sit next to him.
"I go for runs in the morning, it's been part of my routine for a while so I'm sticking with it while being here." He told me, I nodded and smiled.
"Well that's good, I bet it feels great." He smiled back.
"It does, maybe we could go for one together while I'm here."
"Sure, I wouldn't mind. Today I woke up real earlier than usual." I said.
"You did," He laughed. "The clock actually says 10 instead of 1, isn't that nice?" He joked, I laughed.
"Yeah, it's the absolute best." I said sarcastically with a smile.
"I'm going to go hit the shower, I'll see you in a sec?" He asked, I nodded and smiled. He kissed my forehead as he got up and then walked into my bathroom. My heart instantly sank when I remembered that I left my stuff underneath the sink. Fuck. I'm trying not to overreact about that one, there should be no reason he looks under there, he doesn't have anything in there considering he has his own bathroom too. Why he's not using his? Beyond me but I think I should be fine. Caspar would be the one to look under there for some weird reason he has. I waited for a second before leaving my room. I walked out to the living room, Caspar was standing up against the island with his computer.