Fools

Part 14

I felt myself sink further down as I pushed myself underwater in the bathtub. I opened my eyes under the water and stared at the ceiling. I felt so small, weak also. Joe had known everything now, and what happened has happened. Now the next step is just figuring out what's going to happen with Scott, or if I'll ever even go back to University. Right now, University was the last thing on my mind. I closed my eyes under the water and just layed on the bottom of the tub. This was real life.

Earlier that Night;
"Do you really want to know everything??" I shouted and ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I bursted into tears as soon as I hit the floor, I wanted Joe to trust me, I wanted to tell Joe everything, but not this way.

I felt like my whole world was crashing down, I couldn't stop shaking or crying. This whole situation felt worse from when I found out Scott was only using me for sex the whole time we had been together. Somehow I know it is worse, considering he took advantage of me, to a bigger extent.
"Cate, let me in." I heard Joe at the door, he knocked softly. I sat there for a tiny second before getting up to unlock the door. I looked up at Joe with my eyes filled with tears, he pulled me in for a hug. He placed his hand on the back of my head and ran his hand down my hair. "I love you, I love you." He kept whispering over and over. I closed my eyes and began crying even more. He pulled away from the hug and wiped away my tears. "Listen Cate, I'm so fucking sorry I yelled at you like that, I would never want to make you feel like I don't care about you or make you feel like you aren't in this with me. I also never want you to feel like you can't talk to me about these things." Joe explained.
"I-I-I wanted to tell yo-you but I was sc-sc-scared Joe."
"Scared of what Cate?"
"What you'd think of me after." Joe looked at me confused. "Someone else touched me the way you did, someone else saw what you've seen." More tears began to appear in my eyes. I hated this feeling.
"Cate, listen to me okay? This won't change any of what I think of you, this isn't your fault." Joe pulled me in for another hug, I inhaled his scent so deeply and closed my eyes.
"I felt so powerless Joe." I wrapped my arms around his back. "I've never wanted someone to stop something so much before in my life. He just kept going and going and he wouldn't stop, he-" I started breaking down. Why did I get in the car with him, why would someone do this to someone.
"Shh it's okay." Joe kissed my forehead.
"I was drinking and I couldn't see what was going on, everything was blurry and I-I-I just heard him enjoying himself, I was taken over. And I'm sorry." I completely balled when I said I was sorry. "I'm so sorry Joe."
"Cate stop, you don't need to be sorry. I love you okay?" We pulled away once again and he kissed me. "I'm gonna fucking kill whoever this was that did this to you. Who was it Cate, who?" I looked up at Joe and shook my head. "Cate, who was it??" Joe's voice got louder.
"Scott." I said quickly so he wouldn't understand.
"Scott, your ex?" He knew. I nodded my head. "Cate why did you even get in the car with him?"
"Sydney and I were drinking, neither of us could've drove, I had too."
"You didn't have to have him take you." I shot Joe another confused look.
"Oh, so this is my fault now?" I asked, Joe sighed.
"Was Scott drinking too?" I nodded my head.
"Yes, but not as much as Sydney and I did." I explained.
"Cate, that makes no fucking sense. He was still intoxicated somewhat, maybe more than you even knew and you still got into the car with him, knowing you could have found another ride or even called me. I would've drove all that way just take you down the road."
"Joe, stop fucking blaming me, I NEVER WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN TO ME." I shouted, pushing Joe out of the way and storming away.
"STOP FUCKING WALKING AWAY CATE." He walked out of the bathroom and stopped in the doorway.
"You should know what that's like." I said, grabbed my coat and walked towards his room door.
"What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean??" Joe said angrily.
"Figure it the fuck out and let me know." I stormed out.

I ran out of the house, passing Caspar on the couch on the way out. I hated feeling so fucking useless, if everything was my fault then maybe I deserved to have what Scott did to me. I fucking suck ass as a person. I felt sick to my stomach, but I just kept running and running. The wind passed through my hair, it was chilly and all the tears that fell, once again felt like acid.

"I can't do this anymore Zoe, I feel like I ruined everything with Joe and I." I was sitting on the couch at Zoe's house, sipping the hot coffee she made me because I was out roaming around for almost 2 hours before I decided to come here.
"Cate you didn't ruin anything. Joe just has a hard time adjusting to things or understanding others feelings I guess." I looked over at her. "You are truly one of the only girls that Joe had truly had feelings for, none of those people he's had before matter. That's why he's probably so angry at these things, he doesn't want to lose you." I looked down at the coffee and stirred my spoon.
"But Zo, he's not going to lose me, ever. I'm so lucky to even be in his presence. I never wanted any of this to happen, I didn't want what Scott did to me to happen, but somehow I just feel like it's my fault." She placed her hand on my knee. "And somehow I think Joe thinks it's mine too." Tears started forming again, I'm so tired of crying.
"I can tell you that that's not true. I know my brother and I know he doesn't think that less of you, or rather thinking that you being raped is your fault."
"But how is it not? I got into the car with him, knowing I shouldn't have."
"You were drunk, you weren't thinking Cate."
"I should have found another ride home. I should have told him no. I should have stayed home that night. I never should have asked Sydney to go to that party. I never should hav-"
"Cate, shut up. Listen. None of this is your fault. You weren't thinking straight, you and Sydney both were drinking and you just wanted to get home. You didn't think 'oh, let's drink, run into scott, have him take us home and he takes advantage of me' no, you thought 'maybe I can't drive myself or even Sydney home, and here's a ride, let's take it.'" I looked over at Zoe, and nodded my head. "Cate just stop blaming yourself. In this situation, that's one of the worst things you could even do. We're all here for you." Zoe scooted closer to me and pulled me into a hug.
"I love you Zo."
"I love you too Cate." We pulled away. "Do you wanna stay over here tonight? Just in case there's tension still with you and Joe." I smiled and nodded my head. "Yay! I'm going to start making dinner, Alfie should be home soon."
"Okay, I think I'm going to go take a bath or something." We both got up from the couch and Zoe hugged me once more.
"Alright Cate. If you need anything let me know." I flashed her a smile and headed to the bathroom.

I closed my eyes under the water and just layed on the bottom of the tub. This is real life. I thought about everything that happened today. I couldn't go back and change anything even if I wanted to. Now all I had to do was fix things that were going to happen next. I opened my eyes and sat up quickly, coming through the water. This is real life. And I decide what happens next.

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heyo , here's another update . i'll be starting another chapter to publish later . im so hungry & its the weekend so im happy . -destiny