Fools

Part 42

a week later, lilah's pov;

it's saturday today, i finished my morning class a couple of hours ago & ashton had come to my dorm to hang out. we were watching a movie but i'm barely paying attention, i'm currently arguing with cate right now. i can tell he knows i'm dismissing the movie right now. we were laying down on my bed and i had just sat up to send another text.

"Lilah?" He asked and tapped me.
"Hmm?" I turned my head to look at him, he looked a bit worried. "Shit, I'm sorry Ash. I'm just-I don't know."
"Is everything okay?" I nodded, gave him a reassuring smile then went back to my phone.

Ashton and I have gotten really close over the past couple of days, we've hung out almost every chance we get. I'm not sure where it's going, like if he likes me, or if I like him, but there's definitely some tension in the air when we hangout. Cate and I are arguing about the night of the party, she wants to see me again and talk to me but I'm brushing it off, she's not taking that well at all. I don't know what it is, I just have no interest in resolving this right now, I'm okay with where I'm at even if Cate's not okay with it.

"Lilah, come on, talk to me?"
"I know, it's just a lot Ash."
"I'll listen, I have before." He sat up to sit next to me.
"I'm just sure you don't want to hear about this thing though." He gave me an eager look. "Okay, okay. So I'm texting this girl Cate, she's friends with my friend Sydney, that's her bestfriend." He nodded. "I met her this year, and we were really close, like never leaving each others sides close. But it ended up being more," His eyes widened. "It wasn't like that though, like we never said we were dating or like said we were with each other exclusively. But over the last holiday, we went to where she stays with her brother & his friends."
"Okay.." He said, there was a little bit of a pause before I said something back.
"And we hooked up." He nodded his head. "It was like heat of the moment, on holiday and just yeah." He looked away and nodded his head again. "You okay?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"Okay, do you want me to continue?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
"Okay.." I paused. "So after a couple days when we got back, it was distant. We met for lunch, and she basically just said she wanted a break, from whatever we were and just needed to be by herself. It's understandable so I wasn't upset, I mean hurt yeah but I wasn't upset."
"Why were you hurt? You wanted to see where things go?"
"Not necessarily, I mean I was okay if we continued the way we were, but it's just that I let her in like that, I gave a piece of me to her and then she just decided she didn't want it anymore. She also said that she just didn't want me to get with her ex."
"Why would you get with her ex?" He gave me a dumb look.
"I wouldn't, that's the thing. Like her and I started getting close cause we just hung out all the time, during that she was seeing a guy named Joe who's best friends with her brother."
"And they also live together?"
"Yes. So her and Joe dated for a while, but he had cheated on her and so on, long story." He nodded. "And it was right after she broke up with him that her and I started expressing feelings towards each other. When we went back to her home on the holiday, we were confronted with the whole situation of us being around him and he wasn't over the breakup and it was just a mess."
"So how does she think you'd get with him then?"
"So after we had left and came back here, Joe and I became friends and talk all the time, he's going through counseling and what not for alcohol addiction so he needs someone to talk to sometimes and I'm there. But Cate thinks that it would turn into something else and that's just where she's wrong."
"Right. Yeah I mean, that's a tough situation to be in it sounds like."
"It is, it's really frustrating."
"So how do you feel now?"
"I'm over it. I was over it quite a while ago actually, at the party is when she wanted to not be on a break anymore but she only did that cause she saw me with you." He smirked.
"If you weren't with me, would you have took her back?"
"No." I said quickly, he looked surprised.
"Really?"
"Yeah. I know I wouldn't have. The whole situation is just too much for me, I can't begin to trust someone and let them in for them to pick and choose when it's convenient for them to be with me." He nodded sadly. "Besides, my life has been so much less stressful since I distanced myself from her."
"What are you guys talking about now?"
"She wants me to talk to her again, try to work it out."
"It sounds like she really cares if you're in her life or not, maybe you should."
"You think so?"
"Yeah, other than the relationship thing, she was a good friend right?"
"Yeah."
"Well go and talk to her, let her know that you guys tried to do whatever you did, it didn't work out and you're better as friends."
"What if she still wants more than that?"
"She'll just have to deal with it, you know you're worth and what you want out of things in your life and that one's just no benefit to your well-being." He told me, I nodded slowly. He was right, if worse comes to worse Cate's just going to have to suck it up if she really wants to be in my life, I can't keep her as a lover and maybe we were never meant to be in that particular era but I would love to continue having her as a friend, she was a good one to me.
"I just hope she understands, I don't know how else to be any clearer."
"It's okay, it might be hard at first but just remember to tell her exactly how you feel or she'll never know." He told me, I nodded again knowing he really was right, I have to agree.