Fools

Part 43

later that day, cate's pov;

I was on my way back to my dorm after the conversation Lilah and I just had. I don't know how to feel right now, I'm sad, a little angry but I'm also happy for Lilah. I just don't know where this leaves me. I guess she felt the same way when I first brought in the break. I unlocked my dorm door and saw Sydney sitting at our vanity, doing her makeup.

"Hey, didn't expect to see you here." I said as I went to sit down on my bed, she looked at me through the mirror and smiled.
"Yeah I know," She laughed. "I thought well I haven't been home in a while so why not? Plus I needed more clothes." I nodded and smiled lightly. I fell back onto my bed and sighed. "You okay?" She asked, there was a pause before I answered.
"Yeah. No. I don't know." I told her, she spun around on the chair to face me.
"What's wrong?" I sat up.
"Lilah and I officially like ended things and I just don't know how to feel about anything right now."
"Aw babe, I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No Syd, it's fine. It's just not what I wanted or expected to happen when we just went to talk."
"Yeah, I'm sure it wasn't. What were you wanting to happen?"
"I was hoping she would accept my apology and continue to talk with me and be there until I was ready."
"That's asking a lot Cate, are you even close to being ready?"
"I don't know."
"What are you even waiting for? Like no offense, but what's really or what was really stopping you from being with her?" She asked.
"It was just the whole situation with Joe, it felt like a whole triangle of emotions that I just didn't want to deal with."
"But her and Joe were fine, weren't they?"
"Yeah, I guess so." I told her.
"So it was really just you versus yourself that kept you from being with her?"
"In a way yes."
"Geez Cate, so what happened? Did she like full on say she didn't want to be a thing like ever?"
"I mean she didn't say like ever, but I'll take it that way. She said she wasn't interested anymore, she didn't want to keep going back and forth with it."
"It's understandable Cate, you couldn't just expect her to wait until you thought it was the right time."
"But don't you think she should've if she actually cared that much?" I asked.
"Sure, yeah. But it depends on the person and their feelings Cate. I mean I wouldn't want to be with or try to entertain someone that couldn't make up their mind on if they for sure want me. Just imagine if she did that to you, you would have felt the same way in the moment and then later on came to the conclusion that it just wasn't worth it anymore. You can't blame Lilah for doing what's best for her."
"No one's blaming her Syd."
"I didn't say you did. I was just simply saying you know? Just think about it." She turned back to continue her makeup.
"Where are you going anyways that you need to do your makeup for?"
"I'm meeting up with Ethan and his friends, his friends are friends with the guy Lilah hangs out with Ashton."
"So she'll be there also?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"Since when did you guys become such good friends?" She turned to look at me and gave me a stank face.
"Cate, don't even do that like seriously. She needed someone and I was there, now we hangout a bit more, it just so happens it's with other people."
"I just don't want her taking you away from me, is all."
"Cate ugh," She groaned, she turned back to the mirror and looked at me through it. "Do you even hear yourself when you talk? Like what is this? High School? Come on. I can hangout with who I want and so can she. Just because today you guys established it's over, doesn't mean I have to cut her off." She got up and grabbed some clothes. "I think you really need some time alone or something, I just can't believe how selfish you've been. I just don't even know who you are anymore, and I'm not sticking around to help you figure that one out." She went into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, I flinched when it closed. I fell back onto my bed and put the pillow over my face, fuck. Everyone's right about me, what's happening? Who have I become? This stuff doesn't register to me unless someone tells me and that's an issue, I don't like the way I'm treating everyone, I need to leave. I sighed largely, then got up and walked out of the dorm.

I took a seat outside of the building on a bench and called Caspar. It rang a few times before he picked it up.

Casp: "Hello?"
Cate: "Hey, are you busy?"
Casp : "No, why? Are you okay?"
Cate: "No, I don't know what's going on." I started to sob. "I want to come home."
Casp: "Cate, why? What's wrong?"
Cate: "I'm just doing so terrible here, I'm hurting everyone around me, I just can't do this anymore I want to come home."
Casp: "Like dropping out coming home?"
Cate: "Whatever I need to do, I just can't be here anymore."
Casp: "Cate no, you can't. You can't drop out, you're almost to senior year. Find a way to finish this year online and then you can come home, or think about this all and decide later if you really want to come home."
Cate: "Caspar, I'm telling you, I'm coming home, I don't want to be here anymore. I'll talk to my counselor and see about doing online but please just be ready to come and get me."
Casp: "Are you positive this is what you want to do?"
Cate: "Caspar please, just come and get me, I'll be ready by the time you come."
Casp: "Okay, fine. I'll be there." I hung up the phone and headed straight to the counselor's office.