Fools

Part 38

two days later, lilah's pov;
(taking a break from joe & cate)

I had just opened my eyes, the sun was shining through the window of my dorm. I stared up at the ceiling for a while and left myself with my thoughts. I really wish I had more friends to talk to, no one really knows what's going on with me or Cate besides anyone that's in our friend group and all of them I know from Cate. I really don't want to bring this up to Joe because I just don't want him getting any ideas. Whether that's trying to get with me or get Cate back, I can't let him know we are taking a break. And honestly, I don't think I'm even okay with this break dude. I just had to let Cate have her way cause all I want is for her to be happy, even if that means I'm not. Don't get me wrong, like I totally understand where she's coming from and I respect her a lot more for bringing it to my attention but now I'm left wondering how I feel about her. I really do like her, I care so much about her. But we weren't even dating, we're literally taking a break from not doing anything at all and it doesn't make sense to me. I know I'd probably hurt her back if she came back from the break and I had moved on but I can't just sit and wallow in my self pity and wish she'll come back everyday. I gotta take care of myself and that means not thinking of Cate's feelings when I make my decisions.

I sighed so heavily then turned on my side. I just thought what we had going was good, I haven't been able to let someone in so closely in a while and give them so much of me, especially after the night in the hotel. I just feel so bloody stupid and that's the thing that I don't think she realized by putting a break on us. This is why I've kept my distance. It's just too much.

Cate's reached out the past couple of days since she mentioned it but I've never brought myself to respond. Occasionally I'll just read them just to know she's there but I don't think I'll respond for my own sake. She sent something this morning too before I woke up.

from; catebug <3 (same day of the break)
'hi, i hope soon we can talk again. not about what happened, but just to be in each other's presence. i didn't mean to hurt you and i'm sorry if i did. i love u.'

that same night;
'please respond. i just want to know you're okay. i'm sorry.'
the next day;
'okay..so i see you don't want to talk to me, it's fine, i want you to have your space. love you.'
that night;
'goodnight. i hope to talk to you soon..:)'
this morning;
'hey. have a good day today, i love u sm.'

It's just like ughh, why continue?? This is just so confusing to me. I get as a friend, but to continue messaging me like we did when we weren't on a break? Sending me mixed motherfucking signals dude and I hate that. That's why I haven't responded. She makes no fuckin sense and it's pisses me off. I felt my heart start beating fast, I knew I needed to calm down before I do something I'd regret. It's just so off-putting.

I laid there for another hour, in and out of halfly being asleep. When I finally got up, it was 11, I just have one class to go to today thank goodness. I got dressed, did my hair and grabbed my things for my class. I looked at the time again, 11:42, my class starts at noon so I started heading out of my room. I was walking across the lawn and looked over at the hill where we'd have lunch, Cate wasn't there. I turned away and kept walking. I was almost to the door when someone bumped into me, I sighed and rolled my eyes, please don't be who I think it is. I turned around.

"Hey Lilah." She said with a smile, it was Sydney. I let out a breath of relief.
"Oh, hey."
"What are you up to? Going to class?"
"Yeah, it's my business admin class. You?"
"Nah, I actually just got out and don't have another class until 3. No Cate today? You guys are usually joined at the hip every time I find you guys." She laughed, I smiled faintly.
"Yeah, no. No Cate." I fake laughed. "She didn't tell you?" I asked.
"Tell me what?"
"That we're taking a 'break'" I did air-quotes, she shook her head.
"No actually, I haven't been staying the dorm the last few days, been with my man." She smirked and laughed again. "But what happened though? It's okay if you don't want to tell me."
"No I can, it's just kind of a long story I guess? I gotta go to class anyway."
"Here," She pulled out her phone. "Put your number in, we can meet up after you're done with your class or later after mine. Cool?" She smiled, I nodded and put my number in. I smiled when I handed it back.
"Yeah, cool." I said, she smiled back.
"Okay, see you later!" We waved at each other and then she started walking away. I watched her walking away and join a group of people. I smiled a little then walked into the building, it'd be good for me to hangout with Sydney, get to know her more since she is Cate's bestfriend, but also just need a listening ear. She obviously has no idea what's happened so that's what I think would be best for me, no judgement.

I was sitting at my desk, fiddling with my pencil in my hands switching back and forth between biting my nails & that. My professor just keeps rambling on and on, I sat right by the window today & just kept looking outside. I looked at the clock right before I turned to look outside, the time was 12:40 last time I checked & my class ends at 1:10. Feels like time is going by so slow, and it doesn't help that I'm so stressed with everything else. I felt my phone buzz through my desk.

from; joee !!
'hey, how are things? hope you're doing okay!(:'

I didn't want to reply but I feel like I should, most definitely going to lie though. Like I said, I can't let Joe know anything that's going on. That's in hopes that Caspar doesn't know & if he does, hasn't told Joe yet.

response to joe;
'hey! yeah i'm doing alright, you know the usual things. how are you doing? still sober? lol :P'
-me shifting the convo over from me hahaa..

joe;
'oh yeah for sure, it's been fuckin rough but i've been getting through it. i've just been cooped in this bloody house all damn day but yk, it's cool. awesome tho (: i'm glad ur doing alright. how are things with you & cate?'
-yeahh definitely not answering that one lmfao.

I locked my phone & set it back on my desk, I'll respond later. Maybe. I rested my head on my hand and continued to look outside. A group of guys walked by & one of them caught my eye. He had dirty blonde hair, he was wearing cargo shorts & had a baby blue polo on. Kind of basic but it was just something about him that I couldn't put my finger on. They continued walking & my head just kept shifting, my eyes following. Let me not be weird about this, so once they were out of sight I turned my head back to my professor. I hope I see him again sometime, I need something else to keep my mind occupied. And it's not like Cate and I were ever together to begin with, I'm free to do whatever I please.

Class finally ended, I walked out of the building and sat on my bench nearby to text Sydney and see if we were still meeting up. She responded a couple seconds later, she said her class got cancelled so we had time to hangout. I started walking to meet her over at the Union Hall, it began raining so I rushed into the building. I bumped into someone on my way inside, I was covering my face from getting rained on, my makeup would have started runningg.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I-I couldn't see where I was going." I said and looked up at the person, it was that guy from earlier!! How bloody ironic is this right now.
"No worries." He said with a smile, he had an australian accent ugh it's so hot. He started turning to walk away and I knew this would be my chance to speak to him, the first chance was meant to come but it might not be this easy the second time around.
"Um, I'm Lilah, by the way. It'd be rude of me not to introduce myself." Ugh why did I say that?? He turned back around, he smiled again.
"Pretty name," I smiled. "I'm Ashton."
"Thank you. Nice to meet you, so you're an Aussie?" If it wasn't obvious Ly, fuck I'm so embarrassing.
"Yep. Born and raised, I moved here just for school though once I turned 19. I didn't attend here for my first two years, I've been to two other schools before this. Just floating around, trying them out, I've gotten accepted into them so I thought why not give them a try. But now I'm here."
"Have you decided if you'll stay here or are you planning on leaving after this year also?" I joked.
"Haven't decided no," He smirked. "But I could always change my mind." I smiled. "Hey um, I gotta jet, it's been real nice talking to you though, could I have your number? Maybe we could chat later?" He asked, I could feel myself start to blush damn it. I nodded my head and he handed me his phone. I put my number in then handed it back to him. "Alright cool, I'll see you around?"
"Yeah." We both smiled then he left the building. I smiled so hard, my mouth was starting to hurt. I gathered myself after a minute and then went to go meet Sydney. My goodness, I could not stop thinking about him, just the way his voice is and ugh just the whole outfit makes sense now that I know he's australian, just gives me total surfer vibes and it just fits him 100%. I can't wait to talk to him again, I hope he texts me soon.

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