Fools

Part 29

Friday afternoon; joe's p.o.v

"Hey wake up." I felt someone shake me, I opened my eyes so fast and saw Caspar hovering over me. I fell asleep on the couch again.. "Mate this is getting really sad, go wash up and make yourself presentable please. We're having people over."
"People? Who's coming?" I asked, I sat up on the couch and rubbed my eyes. "What time is it?"
"It's 1:30, and Cate's coming to visit Zoe with the whole wedding shabang and I said they were welcome to stay here while they visited." He told me.
"They?"
"Yes, they. Cate and Lilah." I sighed. Great. "Mate I know this is the first time you're seeing Cate since everything."
"And talking."
"Yes, and talking to. But come on, maybe you guys can work something out. And if not then maybe you can try to move on and stop feeling so sorry for yourself. Also please be nice to Lilah, she's been there so much for Cate recently and there's no need for tension, that's still my sister okay?"
"Yes mate. Presentable, I can do that." I got up and started walking towards my room.
"Hey that's not all I said!" I heard Casper yell, I just kept walking.

I hopped into the shower and I just stood under the hot water for a few minutes. I have no idea what to expect with seeing Cate, I don't know what she's thinking, feeling or really what's she even been up to. And so close to Lilah huh? What are they a thing now? I don't even know what to think. Everyday I've just been trying to forget about what I did, like it never happened. I stopped seeing Hailey shortly after I got back and we haven't talked much and even if we do it's a 'how are you doing' kind of thing. The only thing that's ever been on my mind is Cate. I got done with my shower and took my time getting dressed, I'm honestly dreading what's coming next. I heard more voices outside and I knew they were here.

I walked out of my room and back into the living room, I saw Cate hugging Caspar, Lilah stood off the side next to her.
"Aghh, I missed you guys so much." Cate finished hugging Caspar and went in to hug Ollie.
"You must be the famous Lilah, nice to actually meet you in person, I'm Cate's brother, Caspar." He went in to hug her.
"Nice to meet you, yeah I've heard so much about you. And you also Ollie." He hugged her.
"Yeah, nice to meet you, I'm not related to Caspar or Cate but I am single." He winked at her and she rolled her eyes and smiled.
"Good to know." Lilah responded, Caspar nudged Ollie and scoffed.
"Oll come help me with this food for them." Caspar said as they walked over to the island counter full of food Caspar must've spent hours preparing. Classic. Sit me across from my ex and we can share a meal. Ex. Yeah. I sighed. Lilah went and sat down at the island, Cate scooped a piece of her hair behind her ear and started slowly walking over to me.
"Hey Joe, how are you?" She asked.
"I'm okay, how are you?"
"I'm good. Um, do you think we could go outside and talk?" I looked down at the floor and started fidgeting with my hands, I looked back up at her.
"Sure, yeah."

We went down the hallway and out to the back terrace. She lit up a splif, hit it a few times and tried to pass it to me, I shook my head and she shrugged.
"So anyways, I'm not sure how to start this conversation but I just know we need to have one, this is a long weekend and I don't want any tension." Too late. "Listen I'm just going to put it all out on the table I guess Joe. I'm not mad at you for what you did, honestly I wasn't ever mad, I was sad and disappointed. I know I feel okay now with what happened because I was able to talk about it and process it. You know this has happened before with Scott with the whole cheating thing and it's not my first rodeo. I know that's why I'm okay with because I've been here before and I don't want to waste anymore time being sad over something I can't change."
"Cate I-" She cut me off.
"Let me finish."
"Okay.."
"I spent all this time wondering why I never felt sad about not having you near, or wondering why I was so okay to the point where I didn't even think of you. It made me realize that maybe we jumped ahead too much and I fell too quick, I thought what we had was real love but maybe I don't know what that feeling is at all." She hit the spliff some more and paused before she spoke again. "I came here to see Zoe and be here for her, but I couldn't let this go on when I know you're feeling really shitty. Caspar told me how it's been for you, and maybe this talk is going to make it worse but I think you and I are better off friends for right now."
"Cate please, I would take it all back if I could, how can I show you how sorry I am?" I felt tears forming in my eyes.
"You did Joe, I know you're sorry, I do. I accept your apology but I can't be with you anymore."
"Cate, I love you. I love you so much it hurts."
"And I love you Joe, I will always have a place for you held in my heart but we can't keep lying to ourselves. I'll forgive you, we make up, get back together, I'll think everything's fine but in the back of my mind I'll always wonder what you're doing, who you're texting, if you're still seeing that girl or any girl. I just can't do that to myself and you can't look at me and tell me that won't happen."
"Cate I promise you. I'm looking you right in your eyes, I promise that will never happen again. I fucked up, I was missing you so much I thought I could replace the existence of you, the hole you left knowing you weren't here for a while. I regret it so deeply and I wish I could show you how much I love you for you to stay. I can fix this, I promise."
"I'm sorry Joe, but no." She put out her splif and kissed me on the cheek before she walked away. I've never felt this amount of bloody hurt, not even when me and Ana broke up. I just lost the best thing that has ever happened to me and I when I wanted to try to get it back, she looked me right in the face and told me no. I need a fucking drink.