Depression

Just looking

Tw ⚠️ - ed / emetophobia Atsushis pov :
They all stormed into the meeting room and sat down wiring for the president to say what's happening.
"Ok what I'm about to say can be quite triggering for some people . There is a murderer going round and killing young boys .The murderer is slipping pills into drinks to kill them , then slitting their wrist and carving words into it. They all say the same thing ' A your next'
He then proceeded to show pictures of the body for evidence.
But Atsushi has had enough.
He stands up running out the room.
He leaves the office and sits in the bathroom.
He sits on top of the toilet breathing heavily.
' it's just a picture and he didn't mean to do this . It's a case and its my fault for being weak '
He started to feel sick .
Tw ⚠️ :
He kneels down opening the toilet lid .
He takes a deep a breath and just does it.
He shoves two fingers down the back of his throat .
He gags till he's empty .
God he missed that feeling .
Tw ⚠️ over :
He sits there on the floor out of breath .
He flushed the toilet and stands up .
He's a little out of place but he can manage .
He opens the door and washes his hands .
He looks in the mirror .
It's a bit obvious he's been crying so he splashes some water on his face .
He was drying his hands when Dazai came in .
"Hey Atsushi you ok ? "
"Yeah im ok things like this are going to happen and I need to deal with it "
"Ok if you say so and the president says you don't need to work on the case I'd it's to much "
"No I want to . I need to see who the murderer is "
"Ok "
Atsushi leaves and Dazai goes to the bathroom .
He re joins the others who are now back at their desks .
He gets called over by kunikida and Yosano who's leaning on his desk .
"Atsushi if your not comfortable with this you don't need to help we understand "
He looks at kunikida .
"No I'm fine and to be honest im really interested so I still want to help "
It looked like his answer shocked them a little .
"Ok if your sure we are all going to the crime scenes tomorrow morning . "
"Ok "
He goes and sits down .
He manages to do more work than he had to .
He gets a message from his friend again.
'is something wrong '
F - some dudes r in your house and your door is open so I can't get to your windows
A- oh shit I forgot thoses two were there
F- where do you want me to put it then ?
A- leave it outside my window and I'll get it later
F - ok if your sure
"Who you texting Atsushi ?"
Atsushi jumped and dropped his phone on the floor .
Dazai went to grab it but Atsushi pushed his hand away .
"Oh no one special don't worry "
"Are you hiding something Atsushi you never let anyone near your phone "
"no of course I'm not , I just have private things on there like anyone else does "
" I Don't "
"But I do "
He puts his phone back in his pocket and just ignores Dazai .
He works for another hour .
Then he goes on his phone again .
He was checking the sober app because he needed to update the ed one he had .
The sh one was good though he hasn't done it in ages .
After that he just scrolls on Instagram .
He stops and stares at some guy .
He had massive muscles and was supper skinny .
Atsushi couldn't tell if he liked it because he was gay or wanted to look like him .
"So is that your type then ? Big muscly dudes "
This time it was Ranpo .
"What no ! It's not like that I just looking at a picture "
"More like drooling over it . Are you gay ? "
"No Ranpo I'm not "
"Really ? Wow I just assumed . Oh well good for you I guess "
Ranpo walks away .
'do I look gay ? '