i don't mind :: c.h

14: Amnesia

Allyssa Moriones

"Why is he not looking at me?" I signaled Michael who was looking at me and smiling while singing. I can't make Calum look at me and to know that he didn't even meet me backstage. The last time I saw him is with a girl. Who could that even be?

Michael struggled to look at Calum on stage but as he do that I can see myself walking away and crying my heart out.

Maybe he didn't love me the way I did.

Maybe every little sweet thing he said to me is just one, big joke.

I'm such a fool out of love.

No one dares to love me back. Not even my parents.

Sure, I was the company's daughter. But, was I even ready to fucking say to them that they separated and they're just being together to stick with the company? Hell, it will crash as fuck and 5SOS will crash, too. I don't want that to even happen to me.

I walked out of the arena, and made sure none of them sees me except Michael. I made my way towards their room. And I just sat there, with tears breaming my eyes. Thinking about how Calum's eyes never drifted from me. Instead, his eyes were searching for another. Is it the girl she saw before the shows? Is she even important to him?

Love has never been in favor of me. And I know it will never ever be in favor of my life. My parents, left me with everything I need, my relatives, never even asked one single shit about me. My friends, I only have Steph. Maybe this was fate was telling me.

Maybe Los Angeles would be the tragic end of my life. Maybe, moving here includes a new life? Or maybe, a brand new me.

I'm a complete wreck. I wear glasses, I look like shit. I don't know if modeling companies even allow sweaters and ripped jeans to their models. This is how I deal with my life.

I never cut once in my life. I saw Steph do it before. But it's like, she woked up with amnesia, and cutting was like the best talent she can ever reward herself. It is like ecstacy for her. Then I remembered, I had stacks of blade in my room that I can only see. I think it's better this way.

I texted Michael right away. Making myself leave their room with a note beside Michael's bag.

Mikey,

I went home. Sorry for bothering you in the show. It just felt, I was nothing about him. You may not like what I would do with myself. Please don't tell anyone. Love you, Mikey. x

- Ally x

It's better this way.

It's better I'm away from all shits.

Maybe, everything will be fine even without my existence.