i don't mind :: c.h

25: Fear

Allyssa Moriones

"I saw.. Axel."

I could hear Steph's heartbeat from afar. I know she's also afraid. She saw me breakdown when he broke up.

Flashbacks came running through my head.

I was walking my way home from school and the halls were not even crowded as I past through them. I looked at the time, it was 6:30 in the evening. Staying up late in school was never new to me. It was some kind of ritual to my school schedule.

School was hell, as usual. I propped my things down my study table. I looked at the mirror, and I look like a shitload of trash. My hair was in a messy bun, the bags under my eyes were even more awful, and my skin looked pale.

I really didn't care about myself. All I care about is one person, and that is my boyfriend. Axel.

I decided to go out my flat again and walked through the park where I usually blurt my feelings down.

When I arrived at the park, I could hear small whimpers and moans behind the walls of the rope course. Since it was dark, and I consider myself as the best creeper in town, I decided to check out who they are because seriously, I could hear them eating their faces out.

What's even worse is that when I looked at them from the side, and I quickly hid behind the tall street lamp before they could see me, I heard the girl starting to speak. I gripped my hands at the side of this lamp and put my ear from behind to hear things clearly.

"What will you do with your girlfriend now? She might kill me if she knew all about what we're doing." She started.

"Of course you will be killed because you eat his face out. What a bitch." I said to my mind for no one could hear.

"Oh, who is my girlfriend? Ally? I never really cared for her. I just used her for her money. She even didn't had sex with me for just one time. I admit, we kissed. But, that's just it. Three years with her was hell. Until I finally found you, Macey. You're the one I want, not that boring and stupid Ally."

Before I could process all what the man said. I ran away, with tears in my eyes.

I feel like an idiot crying for some reason that actually involves my boyfriend. The man that said all those bullshit from me a while ago? Is my ever, loving boyfriend named Axel Santiago. Wow. How dare he say that shit right at my back.

I got home about five minutes, and Steph had actually arrived home. "Hey- Oh my God, Ally! What the fuck happened to you? Did someone raped you?" She enveloped me into a hug. I sniffed. "I-I'm okay. I'm just a girl that's been used for money, and bullshit."

Right then and there, I told Steph what had he done a while ago. They were making out at that park where actually is my secret "home" and how the fuck he managed to say shit about me.

Three fucking years. Three fucking years of supplying him with love. Three fucking years of making him feel that he is not alone. Three fucking years of being a complete ass for him. Now what? I am just a rich, lame girl who had an enchanting fairytale relationship with an handsome, cute guy who just stabbed me in the back. I never realized it until now.

Next day came, it was indeed a Saturday. Well, seems that it's a fucked up one.

A knock on the door welcomed my morning. Nice one.

"Good mor-" There, Axel stands. Looking all innocent with his fucking eyes. I despise him so much. I hate him now. I really, fucking hate him. How could he even have the nerve to come up here in my flat like nothing happened last night? Oh, I almost forgot. He even didn't saw me creeping them out.

"I missed you." He walks up and hugged me. Wow. Looks like the boy hasn't known his mistakes yet. I didn't hugged back. He needs to feel what I felt when he did this to me. "What are you up to?" I muttered, making him startle. "Ally, I'm really sorry for what I've done. I never really showed enough care for you the past few weeks. I walked up here to tell you that.. that.. I'm.. breaking up with you."

This is such a great morning! All sweet and memorable. "Really? I am never shocked you'll tell that shit to me. Just leave. I don't wanna see you anymore. Besides, you just used me because I am just a rich kid, not even having sex with my boyfriend. Or should I say ex-boyfriend? Nevermind." I could feel tears falling down my eyes. "But, Ally I lo-" I cut him off. "Oh! You loved me? Well, thanks! I really fucking appreciated that. It was so sweet that the ants are coming up to me and ready to bite me because of your sweetness!" I cried. Breaking down on the floor. "So, that was three years to you? Boring and felt like hell?" He looked at me with pain, or should I say freedom. "Good luck with Macey. She's beautiful. And, oh! Regards to her you can have sex with her! Send me a tape, yeah? So I could brag about my friends that, hey! My boyfriend already had sex. Isn't that amazing?" He was already trying to slap me then I catched his hands.

"Little boy's gonna slap me? Oh, well. Take mine." I slapped him. It was like all the pain had been intaked by the slap. It was a great feeling. "You already said that we need to break up. Why are you still here?" I said to him. "I-I was saying that I will also leave for Australia. With Macey."

All I hear in my head is what he said. Australia. With Macey. I broke down again.

"Just. Leave. I can't contain your presence anymore." I cried. But I felt him walking up to me for comfort.

"I said. Leave!" I shouted to loud that my voice had cracked in the end.

I will definitely miss him. Sure, I hated him so much. But, the sense of care is still here. In my broken heart.

He left. Without any single word.

That's how a three year relationship ended. A motherfucking lie had been told.

"Ally? Hey, are you okay?" Steph snapped right in front of me, taking me back to deep reality. She leaned towards me. "Thinking about Axel, huh?" She said. "You know what, Ally?" She started to walk through the window and leaned. "One thing I learned about my past heartbreak with Steve?" she turned in my way, with a smile plastered on her face.

"I learned how to face fear." She walked back up to the chair right in front of me. "I saw you break down to him right then and there. I could picture you as myself, too. I still remembered you three weeks without eating, three weeks without enough sleep, three weeks of crying non-stop. Three years, of struggling to wake up in the morning to face reality." She breathed. "In what I saw to you? I saw bravery. You stood up for yourself when no one was. Yeah, you depended on me, and the things around you. But, you learned how to face things. I'm really proud of you." She hugged me so tight.

This is what I need. Company of friends. They made me feel happy. They made me feel loved.

"Thank you, Steph. You're the bestest best friend for me. I never know life would be better when you, guys are around." I sighed, curling my lips into a smile.

"So," Steph breathed. "Are you ready to let him go?"

The sound of let go was new to me. I don't know what to feel. But, maybe it would be for the best.

"Ally? Don't you dare say that you'll not let go of him! I will call Luke right away to beat the shit out of him."

The sound of Step sounding worried was cute. Luke and her really blended well together. My one true pair.

"Chill, Steph!" I laughed.

"I'm ready to let him go.."

"It's already too much. I made him go already.."

"It's for the best."