i don't mind :: c.h

20: Real Feelings

Allyssa Moriones

I woke up at the smell of freshly cooked bacon and eggs that aroused my room. I bet it could be Steph, because she knows that's my favorite.

"Good morning, Ste-" I stopped. It wasn't Steph. It was Calum. "H-hi C-Cal. What comes into your mind that you dropped by here?" I said as I sat down at the table. He smiled at me, I missed those squishy cheeks of him and also his deep smile. "Oh, good morning beautiful." I blushed at the sight of him being so cute and sweet. "I just missed you, so here. I made you breakfast." he kissed my forehead and sat down beside me.

I became confused. The past weeks he didn't bother talking to me or seeing me but now, what did he ate and he became so lovey-dovey to me? "Ally," he started, taking me back to my senses. "I'm sorry for not being able to see you at the concert or this past few weeks. I just thought about-" I cut him off. "Fiona. Isn't she the reason why you didn't talked to me?" I faced him, putting a slice of bacon into my mouth. "Y-yeah. Wait, you know her?" he said, scratching the back of his neck. "Probably, we talked all night last night. And," I paused for a minute. "And?" he asked, giving me a confused look. "She told me about you and her. She talked me about your three lovely years together." I emphasized him three. Of course he'll know about it. Why not talk about it anyway?

I know that he doesn't want talking about it. I just want him to feel what I felt for the past few weeks. "I'm really sorry, Ally." he said. "Why are you even saying sorry to me? Did you killed someone I love?" I muttered, my sound being angry. "N-no, it's not-" I cut him off, again. "You know what, please don't tell sorry anymore. I know it's the past. But, why are you doing this? Why are you eager to go up here at my flat just to make breakfast? You didn't talked to me for a week or two, Calum! Don't you know how it feels to be rejected? Don't you know how it feels to wait backstage just to tell you good luck and don't be a shit at stage?" I paused for a minute, making him look at me with a skeptical look. "Of course you don't know any of that! You're just a popular bass player who plays in front of the crowd and doesn't care about others feelings! I waited for hours backstage, Calum. Just to tell you that you're going to be okay. And I waited for weeks just for you to come up and talk to me. Can you see this?" I held him up my wrist, his look was shocked and his eyes were welling up in tears. "I did this because no one was here for me! I did this because everyone was too busy buzzing around with one another and no one would care if I let out my feelings for them. I don't want to ruin anyone's happiness, even yours!" I ended up crying in front of him.

Those words that I said directly to him stabbed me so hard at the back. I never felt so vulnerable in my life. I thought I could feel it around him, I guess I was wrong. I thought he was the one. I thought he was for me. But, I think, my mind was wrong. My thoughts and where abouts were all wrong.

"Thank you for making effort in waking up early for getting here. I really appreciated it." I walked inside my room to get my hoodie and decided to walk away from him. Maybe this was good. I need to walk away from him for a bit. "Take care of Fiona, by the way. You still looked good together."

And with that, I walked away from my flat without letting him explain.

Am I wrong, for making him not blurt out words?
An I wrong, for just letting him stand by himself and not being able to hear his side?

I was always wrong. I've never been righr about anything.

I'm a complete wreck.

I'm a complete mess.