i don't mind :: c.h

23: Voice Recorder

Allyssa Moriones

I soaked myself in my covers, trying to loose the anxiety that has been occupying myself in the past few days.

I never let Calum speak. Nor, explain what really happened. I was envious. Envious of how Fiona managed to love him for three years. It stucked to myself that I can never love him for that long.

"What have you done, Ally? You're being a bitch again! Why can't you talk to him? Why didn't you let him explain? You're such a fuck up!" I whimpered. This is right. I need to lecture myself to really know what's wrong.

I was taken back to reality when there was sudden knock from my door. At 1:00 in the fucking morning, what the hell is up to that shit who knocked?

I slowly ran to the door and opened it. There was no one. As I was closing the door I found something on my door mat.

It was a voice recorder.

"Hello? I-is someone i-in t-there?" I blurted out. No one was there.

I hesitantly picked up the voice recorder and checked it out. There was a tag.

Ally, I never let myself explain. Please, hear this out. I love you,

so much that it hurts.

- C x

The handwriting was somewhat familiar but I can't put my finger on it. I ran to my room and searched for my earphones and plugged it in. I was afraid to press play, but what was the use if everytime I'll just be afraid? I nudged in the couch and pressed play. At first, I heared a few strums of a guitar. Then, the person sighed. It was him.

"Uhh-hi, Ally. It's me Calum." I paused the record for a minute. I could feel the tears welling up on my eyes. I pressed play button again.

"I know that it's been hard for you to keep up with me this past few weeks. I am truly sorry. I didn't know what to do without your presence. I didn't know what to feel. You were my strength when I feel so weak. You made me feel special, and that's what I really like about you. I am really such a fuck up, you know. I mean, I didn't even realized that you were there when no one was. I was still a stuck up for Fiona. I didn't meant to hurt you, or lose you. Being with Fiona was a dream, but losing a piece of gem like you is like I wanna die right here and then. I'm sorry for not being able to explain right in front of you. I'm so dumb for letting you run away from me."

"Being with a beautiful woman like you is like a truck, I never saw it coming. I clearly remember everything, babe. I remembered our first kiss. It was romantic then. The cold streets of L.A made you even more beautiful. From that very beginning, I know that you are a great person, with a kind and eager heart. You never fail to make someone happy, even me. I am also sorry for not seeing you backstage for our concert. Seriously, I was also finding you. But, instead, Fiona came up. I really didn't know what to say when she popped out. I ran out of her. I didn't know that there was actually someone waiting for me. Someone special. And it was, you."

"Whenever I'm around you, I always feel so safe. You made me so happy, you made me feel so loved. It's been a few weeks since I last saw you. I hope I could see your face. I miss your smile. I miss your eyes. I miss your cheeks that are so fluffy. I miss your lips. I miss everything about you, Ally. I really am."

"I hope I could see you, soon. I'm not leaving. I am always here. I'm waiting, for you to come and be able to hug you, and tell you pretty everyday. And tell you how happy I am whenever I'm with you. Please, take care of yourself when you're not around with me. That's the least thing I could do."

"So, this has to end. This is my first time using this and you're so lucky, you were the one who could actually hold this. Keep it. For as long as it is with you, I will always be inside it. For as long as you could hear my voice, I will always be here. Always remember that I love you so bad, Ally. I love you, so much that it actually hurts."

"I love you, baby. I love everything about you. You will always be my everything, my princess, my girl. The one I could hold on to, the one I could say..

My sweet escape."

Calum's voice was gone. All through out this, I was on deep crying. My sobs are echoing into the room. He made me feel so special. Those words, I carved it in my heart. It was a sign of unconditional love. He was my dream.

"I love you too, Cal." I muttered, pressing the recorder into my chest.

"You pained me, but you made me whole.."

"Again."