Love You

38

Her hands gently sat in his arms."I'm not angry at you."

It broke her heart. She...couldnt feel it. Not a single spark. Had he given up on her? Had she not been enough for him.

Steve had decided it was best to leave the room to let them talk.

He also felt out of place. It gave him his own anxiety. So he went to the one place he could take refuge in.

"Dont lie." Bucky always had this terrible habit of not forgiving himself.

No matter how many times you forgave he never forgot what he did. It always ate him up inside. Desume never figured out how to stop it.

Not permanently anyways. It was difficult being on the other side of it.

Instead of comforting him she was the one causing him this. "I'm not lying James, i only said those things in the moment."

His hand gripped the porcelain cup so hard she thought he would break it.

"You meant them." She felt her resolve crumble. How badly had she messed up? Could she even fix it.

She didn't know how. "They broke me James, they drilled things in my head ill never forget."

She let out a shakey breath."But I do not blame you, I'll never blame you for what happened. They were disgusting people you fell victim just like me."

He looked back at her for the first time. He couldn't even look her in the eye.

"It was for me, they did all of that for me." She took his face making him look into her eyes. She could see it.

Just barely. She could feel it. Thrumming under the surface.

"They did it for the Winter Soldier Bucky. You are you, the good and bad, but you are not him, if you never forgive yourself you'll only ever make it hard to remember that."

For once she had seen the water line his eyes gentle beads rolling down his cheeks.

"I love you, I love you so much." He said desperately. That's what it was. Desperation. He couldn't pull himself out this time.

He couldn't come back up from the grave he had dug himself.

She sighed tears welling up in her eyes. He got up and held her close, her head tucked into his shoulder.

They stood there for awhile. Close just breathing each other in.

Then she felt his heartbeat, his breathing through her lungs. She could feel him again. She could feel the spark.

It was the most intimate feeling, her tears soaking his shirt and his arms wrapped around her.

She could truly breathe him again. It made the weight in her chest a little lighter. It made her believe she could repair their relationship.

She just wanted to restore what they had. She wanted to be better.

No, she needed to be better. If not for herself then for her soulmates. Because if she didn't take herself out of her bad thoughts she would get lost in it all.