10:24pm Monday, April 27
It is sad to think I am in the most physically beautiful part of my life, yet I choose to cover myself up. I used to wear tight clothes, no eye liner, skinny jeans, high heels. Now I'm drenched in makeup, looser clothing, way less sexy. By the time I'm confident, I won't be young anymore.
Today was so blasé. Rob said I was "so German" for eating with a knife and fork at lunch. Like you can't be American and have manners?
I always secretly wanted to be a supermodel. Unfortunately, genetics slapped me upside the head with a crappy nose, wide ribs, high hips, and the ability to gain five pounds in five minutes. Those lucky, lucky, lucky, bikini-wearing, short shorts, thin, lithe girls -- how I envy their delicate skin and twig-like bone structure. I'm so jealous of them. I wish I was naturally skinny and clear-skinned. Instead I'm hulking, broad, tripping over my own feet with a galloping stride.
I think I'll always want to secretly be a model. Isn't it sad, a dream that will not come true. -A dream I cling on to with some empty hope. I wish I felt beautiful. I wish I actually liked my stomach. Instead of it being the enemy, a rival I push and punch and clench to no avail.
I'm afraid of my time running out. I'm afraid of never being in love.
How do I change who I am?
9:20pm
It's becoming clear that no one wants to hear what I have to say. I wish I could be quiet and mysterious like I was a few months ago.
YOU ARE READING
Satan School of Sophomores
Teen FictionA year, documented, of a young, confused teen girl's life as she struggles and experiments with the modern world of sex, drugs, and the opposite gender. This work contains crude language, intense/inappropriate situations and other more or less mild...
