Satan School of Sophomores

Red Wine: 10/10/14

6:51am Friday, October 10

Oh wow. I haven't written in a few days... It's been a busy week, almost not fun, but I still liked it. My dad went down to California for his work (he does two weeks here, two weeks in San Diego).

Yesterday my ex boyfriend, Drew blew up my Instagram (liked all my selfies) then Kota did too. Both in the same day!!!! I feel like a boss ass bitch. Yay!

Hayley keeps saying, "Kota is a man whore" and "don't go for him." doesn't she realize that only makes me want to go for him more? So what if he is a "man whore." According to who? Has Hayley seen Kota be a whore? Is he having sex with multiple girls? No. Not even one girl as far as I can tell.

There's your answer. Not a man whore.

Kota is sweet. He asked about the book I was reading (A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby). A boy after my own heart. A boy who doesn't like football - he prefers basketball by far. I agree completely.

And since my friends apparently think Kota is a big slut, that leaves no one to talk to. Except Jake. But Jake doesn't want to hear my Kota-related nonsense. I think Jake still kind of likes me from last year. Jake is my only real guy friend. I want to stay friends. He's like a geeky brother. Jake is so submissive. I like a guy who is assertive. But anyhow, Jake despises when I even mention Kota in the slightest. Maybe I mention Kota to make it clear I don't like Jake. Jake is too wimpy and clearly insecure. We are too different.

6:49pm

So Kota didn't talk to me at all today. Barely a hello, in fact. I try to remember a quote from one of my favorite movies:

Boys are like elastic bands;

they like to be real far apart,

then they stretch out [and you have to let them]

but they come springing back.

-Angus, Thongs & Perfect Snogging

I guess Kota is just stretching out. However annoying, he will come around.

School was very... Good but not great. I enjoyed the people, and the work wasn't particularly hard. I even chatted with R a little in art about books, but I still felt a little hollow.

There's a home game tonight, but I'm not going. My mom doesn't want me to, and that leaves no one to drive me. I think Scarlet and Hayley might not go. And Olive said she might go. I don't really feel like I'm missing anything, though. I need a long, three day weekend to myself. This is my time to heal, sleep, watch Halloween movies and live in my underwear. Don't forget yelling the lyrics to Iggy Azalea and Marina & The Diamonds while I clean. R says his weekend is about the same (the movies and sleeping part at least haha). I like him. I want to be his friend, nothing more. And that's the truth. Why would I lie here? There's no reason.

R is just a cool guy. He was singing M.I.A. this morning in art class, and I was the only one who knew it was the song Bad Girls. I feel like he would understand my taste in art, music and books better than anyone. It's fun to have someone to talk to about things like that.

I'm not mad at Hayley anymore if I didn't say it earlier, I'm saying it now. I got over it by Tuesday. I was just being a butt. I can't even pin down why I was angry with her in the first place. But, I'm over my one-sided fight.

And Hayley is doing okay. But sometimes I worry about her. Just today she told me how her car lost a tire on the way to school with her whole family in it, but they're all okay besides an adrenaline rush and a fucked up car. Luckily, a neighbor drove her to school after that incident.

That's not the only reason I worry about Hayley. It just seems like some days she has such a melancholy demeanor, and I don't know what to do about it which causes me to get annoyed and mad. Not at her, but maybe because I don't know how to help her sadness (or anyone's really). Then I end up looking like the twat who's contemptible to their friend when the friend is sad.

Did I mention I adore reading? Right now I'm reading If I Stay. It's stunning. I'm already halfway done, and I only started today. I can't stop. It's so satisfying to finish a good book, and reading makes you smarter.

I'm exhausted now and comfortable in my bed. Yawn.

7:18pm

My mom made this shit dinner with red wine and chicken. Chicken Marsala. It's disgusting. I don't know if she did it wrong or if this is just how chicken Marsala tastes. But, I hate red wine in cooking. It's revolting. The smell is like warm vomit. It makes my head pound. I've lost my appetite. If your mother makes good food, you don't know how lucky you are. My mom can barely boil water. The salt in this mess; I think I might be ready to spew my own warm vomit...