Satan School of Sophomores

Doodle & Kiwi: 12/10/14

8:20am Wednesday, December 10

I feel like a goddess today. Yayyy!! It's gonna be a good day, I can tell.

3:55pm
When I can drive I am going to have so much sex!! Today was okay, not as spectacular as I had hoped. At least I got to see the baes.

I like my waist :) and my boobssssss

6:36pm
Mom continues to drag on and on about her problems. Everything relates to the cancer. Her life revolves around cancer. It's all about Mom and it has been for eight months. She loves to stress me out and constantly ask if I care about her. I just want to slap her in the face, gather up all the money I have, and run away. Run anywhere. Find a new home. With a new mom who cooks and cleans and listens. I love my dad, and I guess I love my mom. But, why must she make herself so unlikeable? I'm so tired. Tired of having to run the house, make the grocery lists, do the dishes, cook dinner, beg my mom to get someone to drive me to a friend's house. My friends were talking about doing a Secret Satan (opposite of Santa) next Friday, but I can't. How can I possibly go anywhere? Mom can't fucking drive, I can't drive, my dad is far away until December 22nd. How the hell can I get a gift? I convinced them that we should exchange gifts after Christmas break is over. I said the gifts would be better if we had more time. They agreed, I think. But, I'm too embarrassed to tell them the real reason I want to do the Secret Satan after break. It makes me feel like a little, needy bitchy kid. This is why I am not sure if I believe in God.

I try so hard to keep it together, keep it inside, lie. I want a normal, nice life.

8:04pm
In art we've been doing this little thing where we (Scarlet, Hayley and I) draw a picture and put it in each other's lockers back and forth. Scarlet says I am "slacking" but it's like this, Scarlet goes home and has all this time. Time for herself. She comes home from school (a five minute walk) then watches TV for like six hours every day, doing nothing. She has time to draw funny drawings.
I get home after an hour and a half bus ride. Then, I start cleaning, doing dishes, vacuuming. After that, it's time to bring in firewood. Then, I have a chance to pick out a school outfit and pack my lunch after I've cooked dinner. By the time this is all done, I have twenty minutes to watch television before bed then I get in bed and read. Scarlet thinks (I guess) that everyone has just as much free time as her to hang out and be a teenager. Sorry. I don't. Doing those cartoons every night is highly unlikely. I ache for the moment at the end of the day when I can finally lie down and do nothing. Nothing. Not even draw. Life is a little more complicated when the one parent who should be taking care of you, while your other parent works, is an invalid. A little more responsibility. A little less time for me and my teenage fun. I am truly half-adult, half-child. Most teenagers are only really the latter of that equation no matter how grown up they think they are.
So, please don't blame me if I don't have time to doodle. If I could, I'd do it every night.

8:27pm
P.S.
I do think the Kiwi bird if New Zealand is really adorable.

8:40pm
I feel like I'm gonna get to twenty-eight and still not have even French kissed. This makes my heart sad. I wish I could look into the future. I wish I had the body I wanted. But I don't try hard enough.