Satan School of Sophomores

Rant + Rant: 1/23/15

6:40am Friday, January 23

I feel this strange good feeling, and I feel that everything is good.

7:01pm
Nothing can bring me down. It was a good day

Kate Upton is dope.
Strip clubs are fine.
Porn, yeah sure.
Dirty sex stories are just fine.

All that type of stuff isn't trying to be anything else but what it is.
That's impressive.
That's truthful.

But, Hooters?
Sore subject. I really do not like that they consider themselves a "family restaurant." I don't like that the women are sexualized, and children and young boys can just see all this. It's just a no.

Women being sexualized.
What else is new?
And I don't mean empowering sex, I mean degrading, piece-of-meat, trash sex.

Can that please not be tolerated?
Can women please stop agreeing with society? Stop destroying young girls' love and respect for their own bodies?

I've never felt like I had to be like the women in porn. Porn is ridiculous, and a lot of porn stars are not that great-looking. I've seen plenty of women in porn who weren't stick-thin. I've also seen a lot who are. Preference, really.

I've never aspired to be a stripper. I've thought about it, because they make good money and stay in shape. But, they don't bothered me.

But magazines? Society? Media? Make me feel like crap for my body and body type. I have broad, broad shoulders, small waist, and narrow-ish hips with average thighs + not round ass. When I look in magazines, all I see is stuff I couldn't even manage to change no matter how much I worked out. I can't make my hip bones jab out more, I cannot narrow my shoulders.

You know what though?
I don't look like the shit in Seventeen and Vogue, but I can think of quite a few boys who want a piece of this. Believe me, being a healthy weight is the main thing. Eating right is important. If you're healthy-looking, and you have a good heart, someone finds you hot.

I think I have a lot more confidence than I used to. I hate myself more like 28% of the time instead of 76%.

8:23pm
There's this line in this Sublime song that goes:
"I'd like to hold her...
head underwater"

It's the best thing ever.

8:38pm
One thing I've got going for me?
I'm sneaky as fuck. No one has ever caught me masturbating. I've masturbated in the same room as my whole family was in. Never been caught masturbating or taking bad pics. Even though I sometimes slip a dirty snapchat in while my mom is watching a TV on the opposite end of the couch. I used to steal from older kids all the time when I was a little kid, I've gotten high with my parents sleeping in the room above me.
I think these all add up to a mixture of exhibitionist and sneaky.

Bite me.

11:15pm
My mom drove to the store by our house today.
Gasp! That's illegal! No driving! Seizures!! Oh fuck that shit. She takes her meds.

When mom said we should drive to the store once I got off the bus and into the car, I couldn't have been happier. Her and I. On the road. Only us two. Driving to the store. You know how long it has been since that has happened? A fucking long time. I told her she deserved to go out and drive, she told me she was tired of being stuck in our house in the mountains.

I was so happy with the simple act of driving to the store with my mother. I nearly started crying. Even now my tears a brimming. No one really knows what they've got until it's gone. I thought that to myself on the way home. It was such a pleasant trip too. I got some chocolate, mom talked with my ex-piano teacher, and we were happy.

Even the simplest thing as driving to the store with Mom can be really damn special. Every moment is damn special, good or bad. Everything happens for a reason, and I have to honor every moment I have with the people I love.

11:26pm
I took a two hour nap, set an alarm to wake up at eleven at night so I can stay up late.