I'm yours, Professor (Quadro Series #2)

Chapter 57

Dread. It's slowly consuming her inside. Halos ayaw niya kumausap ng ibang tao. She always feel dread back then, pero ngayon halos pinapatay siya ng nararamdaman niya. She's slowly recovering, her body is slowly healing but she doesn't feel like it. Pakiramdam niya masakit pa din lahat sakaniya. Remembering she lost their child, nanghihina siya. Ang sakit bilang ina.

Bumabalik lahat ng sakit ng katawan niya. Gusto niyang umiyak pero wala na siyang mailabas. Iba ang lungkot at sakit na nararamdaman niya ngayon. Tanging tulog lang ang takas niya sa lahat ng iyon pero kahit pag-tulog hindi niya magawa. She would away have nightmares. Vivid nightmares on how she lost everything. Its keeping her up, every night. Hindi din tumulong ang kondisyon niya.

Calcifer has been very patient with her, trying to cheer her, keeping up and comforting her everytime she had a nightmare. He would always keep his positive and happy expression around her but she can see through him. She knew him, gusto niyang umayos na siya pero parang ayaw pa ng puso niya. She's feeling guilty and ashamed, she's hurt. Kasalanan niya lahat kung hindi lang siya nag-magaling okay pa sana ang anak nila.

Calcifer looks like hell, halatang nabawasan ito ng timbang. Namumugto din ang mata nito, halatang umiiyak at kulang sa tulog. Lagi din itong maputla.

He look so worn out, it's hurting her. The feeling of guilt is choking her looking at him, she's ashamed. Paano pa magawa ng binata na alagaan siya matapos ang ginawa niya? It's her fault. Nahihiya siya. Because of her stubbornness nawala si Sleepy at ngayon na-paralyzed pa siya. She lost his child and burden him with this. Her current condition doesn't bother her. Hindi niya alam kung bakit pero hindi siya nag-aalala sa sarili niya.

Her being paralyzed doesn't faze her, although she's slowly feeling her lower body. Hindi niya pa rin iyon magalaw. Doctor Ramirez said it's a good sign of recovery. But she doesn't care much, the sadness, guilt and she's ashamed. Ilang araw na siya hospital, ilang araw na din siyang naka-higa lang kama. She doesn't speak or move, wala siyang ibang naramdaman kundi sakit.

Hindi niya gusto maging pabigat pa, kaya pinilit niyang umayos ang pakiramdam niya pero hindi niya pa kaya. She sigh as she tried sitting down but her lower body felt like it's stuck, she can feel it but she can't move it. It's frustrating. Gusto niyang itulak ang sarili niya paupo pero hindi niya kaya. Sa gitna ng pag-dudusa niya ay biglang bumukas ang pinto ng kwarto niya. It's Calcifer. Nang makita nito ang posisyon niya ay agad ito lumapit sakaniya.

"Ganda, let me help you." Ani nito bago siya pinaupo gaya ng gusto niya. Nang Maka-upo siya doon niya napansin si Luxifer sa pinto. She glance at him for a moment before looking back at Calcifer, nginitian siya ng binata bago hinalikan ang pisngi niya. "Morning. Hinatiran tayo ni Luxifer ng pagkain. It's your favorite. Do you want to eat?" Calcifer ask in his usual sweet voice, it broke her.

How can he still look at her the same? After what happen. How? Pakiramdam niya mawawala lahat sakaniya dahil sa nangyari.

"I'm sorry." After days of being mute, she finally find a courage to speak. Hindi niya kaya kausapin o tignan ito simula ng magising siya, pakiramdam niya kasalanan niya lahat. Calcifer didn't change. Everything is the same. Except he look sad every single day, it hurt her and the guilt and shame are overwhelming. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lose sleepy. Kung Hindi lang ako nag-magaling — "

"Darling, no don't say that — " Calcifer voice crack. He sound hurt that it broke her. "Wala kang kasalanan. It was me. I'm sorry." He hug her, so tight that she almost can't breath. "I couldn't lose you. I don't want to. Forgive me but I don't regret choosing you over Sleepy." Calcifer look at her, alam niya kung ano ang nangyari. She knew what decision Calcifer need to make. "I will never regret choosing you."