Save me - an Ashley Olsen story

Session 2 and Decisions

Hey! here's the next one! Sorry I published it on accident so anyone who saw it is now done!

 Warning: mentions of Suicide, Rape and Murder.

POV JJ

"How are you doing today, Jennifer?" Dr. Wells asks. "Fine" I say looking at the art on her walls. "Ok..." I look to see her placing her notebook down and then look at me with a soft smile. "...How are you really doing, Jennifer?" She asks making me sign. "I had a bit of a rough day a few days back, but I'm fine now" I say honestly. "What happened?" She asks. "I had a nightmare" I say looking down at my hands. "What happened?" She asks and I sign not knowing if I want to talk about it anymore. I know I told Liz and Ash I would talk to Dr. Wells about it, but I don't want to relive it again. I'm fine. I have my own coping mechanisms and I don't need to talk about it all the time. Why can't they just leave me be? Do they think I'm broken? Ha, of course they do Jennifer! You are. I get broken out of my thoughts when Dr. Wells talks again. "We don't have to talk about it, but it could help." She says and I sign again and nod, why not right? I promised I would try. I look back up at her and shift slightly getting a bit more comfortable. "There is a lot going on in my mind. I know what is happening and I know how I can fix it, but I don't know if I want to" I say looking down again. "Why is that?" She asks picking up her notebook again. "That means I lose her" I whisper. "Who? Who do you lose Jennifer?" She asks making me take a breath in. "My sister. Roslyn." I say holding in tears. "What happened?" She asks. "I found her... She killed herself when she was 17. I was 11, came home from school and found her in the bathtub. Blood everywhere. I did nothing, just stood frozen looking at her" I say blinking back the memory and looking at Dr. Wells. "I am sorry for your loss, Jennifer" she says setting her notebook down in her lap. "It's fine" I say brushing it off making her shake her head. "It's not. You should've seen that. Not at that age. You put too much blame on yourself Jennifer. It wasn't your fault" she says but I scuff and shake my head. "I should have seen the signs. I am her sister, and I didn't see that she was hurting." I say clenching my fists. "You were also 11 years old. I know your sister loved you and probably didn't want you to see her hurting." She says and I nod smiling sadly. "She was always protecting me" I whisper touching the necklace she'd given me. "She gave that to you?" she asks, and I nod. "I don't know why I wear it. So much bad and death came out of it" I say letting it go and looking out the window. "Your sisters?" She asks a bit confused. "Yes, but not just hers. Other girls died because of the man who gave them this exact necklace." I say looking at her. "You had a case?" She asks intrigued and I nod. "Yes, A few years back. There were girls who ended up dead, some suicide but others murdered. We found this same necklace... I found the person who made my sister kill herself. He knew me. Said I looked just like her" I say closing my eyes. "Did you talk about this after?" She asks and I shake my head no. "Not in the way you would have wanted, no. I went to her grave spoke to her. I found some peace, but my guilt was still there, because he didn't kill her so there were no charges for her" I say, and she nods. "I talked to a few on the team who tried to help but I just needed to work. Or I would do something I regretted. After I was more eased in my burden, but it was still there. It will always be there." I say looking at the window again. "I started seeing her after her anniversary. I don't know why this one. I talked to her... she keeps telling me to forgive myself. She says I can't be happy without letting my guilt go, but if I let it go, I lose her." I say a stray tear falling from my eye. "You won't lose her Jennifer. She will always be a part of you, your sister. You have your good memories of her. Maybe she wasn't you to be able to live the way she couldn't. Be happy the way she couldn't. You are strong Jennifer but sometimes you need to be weak to move on... and that makes you the strongest." She says and more tears flow from my eyes. "How?" I ask. "You can only answer that, but maybe you need to say the things you need to. Tell her how you feel... how about your family?" She asks and I tense up. "My mother hates me. She blames me" I say, and she nods. "You should talk to her. Maybe you both need to heel together to truly move on and be happy. You can't move on truly if your mother won't let you" she says, and I nod. "Maybe..." I say thinking about what she had said.