Save me - an Ashley Olsen story

Bubbling Emotions

Hey, so this is another pass at ⚠️ mental health.

"Ok, promise me you'll always come back" she say and stroke her cheek. "I promise I'll fight my absolute hardest to get back to you" I say and she nods against my forehead. I lean in to kiss her gently and when we pull back she rests her head against my chest again. "I love you" she says. "Love you more" I say holding her tighter as we drift off to sleep. I have a feeling I'm not done with all these emotions yet and when they come out it's not going to be pretty.

POV JJ

It's been a couple weeks, it's now February and everything has been going smoothly. I'm back at my apartment since it's closer to work and I've been catching up on case files. Ash and I haven't talked about the possibility of living together and it's too soon for that right? It's only been 4 months. We still hang out and go on dates but she's back at work full time now. It's weird since we've spent months living together and now we're barely seeing each other. I requested off for valentine's day and a couple extra days so we could spend time together. Hopefully I can surprise her and we can spend it just the two of us.

Hotch had been only letting me work behind the scenes mainly and only in small cases. But hopefully soon I can get back out there with the rest of the team. I just got home late again and I'm in my office looking over some cases that were sent asking for assistance and our expertise. One thing we do a lot of is consult on cases or give profiles on cases that get sent out way but there not enough to have us go out. That's been my main job this past week. I have another mass of emails to go through and they keep coming which is the cause of my late nights. I'm going over a case in a rape victim, a teenage girl, she had ended up ending her life and they needed help since she was the only person that could help. She was blonde, green eyes, so innocent. All I saw was Ros, I got so lost staring at the image I didn't realize it was 2am now. Snapping out of my thoughts I send my response back and closed my laptop sighing as I pitched the bridge of my nose. Not again JJ. Snap out of it your fine. I scold myself and get up leaving my office. I get myself ready for bed but find myself not tired, so I just lean against my headboard staring at my wall in the dark. I want so bad to just go to Ashley and cuddle with her, but I can't, and I don't want to worry her by calling or just showing up at 2am. I've been pushing my emotions down and they are starting to bubble at the surface, but I can't let them go over. I won't, I need to get myself together. I think as I let a huff out. Maybe I need help... No, it'll just cause you more problems and you don't need to burden anyone. I debate with myself. I groan and get out of bed and start to pace my apartment. I can't stay here I need out. Where do I go? I don't want to wake anyone up... I stop pacing and grab my jacket, phone and keys then slip on my shoes and head out. I start walking letting my feet carry me not looking where I'm headed. I breath in the crisp cold night air letting it calm my mind. I end up walking to some cemetery and find a bench and take a seat. My eyes scan the headstones knowing who I seek won't be there. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be sleeping?" A voice asks me making me jump and get into a defensive stance. "Woah it's just your ghost of a sister calm down you look crazy" Ros says making me groan. I am going fucking crazy I think to myself. "Don't say that" she says, and I jump again. "Oh, just perfect! I'm talking to my dead sister, and she can read minds too. Sounds logical." I sass out to no one in particular. "You never answered my question." She says sitting down next to me, if that's even possible but at this point I probably am insane so whatever. "I think I'm having a mental break down, maybe a schizophrenic episode? Maybe I hit my head to hard... Ya that's probably it." I mumble out to myself. "Jenny you're not going crazy. You're just coping with trauma. You should know this you're the fancy Behavioral Analyst." She says nudging me a bit. "So.... Why are you here this late? or early now." She asks me again. I think for a minute then just decide to talk to her, might as well. "Couldn't sleep. the latest case file I went through... It reminded me of you. I don't get why I can't move past it. It's been years and it's still a weakness." I say frustratedly. "It's not a weakness Jenny. You just never delt with it properly. You push everything away and focus on other's pain that you can't ever see your own. You are finally in a place in your life that you feel absolutely safe. I like Ashley, I approve." She jokes making me smile a bit. "You need to talk to her, or your relationship won't strengthen, and it'll fail. I don't want to see you alone again; you've spent too much time alone." She says passionately making me sigh. "I know Ros, I know but I just can't seem to start. I don't know how" I say tiredly. "How about with asking for help? I know it's hard believe me. I didn't ask I delt with it myself and look where that got me. I don't want that for you, and I fear that's the path you are going down. Jenny, they need you." she pleads with me. We sit in silence for a bit just looking out over the hill letting the cool wind hit my skin. "It's going to rain, you should probably head back." She says making me laugh. "What are you a weather ghost now?" I chuckle thinking she is crazy.  "No, just call is ghost intuition" She smirks making me roll my eyes at her. "Think about what I said please? I'm not saying you have to do it today nor this week, just at least let her know you need help. All you have to do is walk up to her and ask and if she loves you, she won't ask questions and let you go at your pace, but at least she'll know." She says and I nod. "Ok, I promise I'm going to head there, the sun is starting to rise anyway." I say softly as I watch the sunrise. "I love you, Jenny; you make me so proud" she says, and I turn to look at her, but she's gone. I feel water hitting my skin making me laugh. "Fuck You!" I shout playfully and get up and run as the rain starts to fall harder. Fuck New York honestly. after 20 minutes of running, I'm at her front door soaking wet and it's still raining. I hunker under her porch to get out of the rain and fish my phone out of my pocket, "ok about 6am she won't be up for another couple hours." I mumble to myself and grab her spare key she hides and open her door.